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Name: gms   Title: relocation of children

I wanted to get some feedback about relocation with my children. I have custody of the children, with my ex husband seeing them every other weekend, and one day during the week. I currently reside in Missouri, but plan to remarry a man living in Iowa. What kind of court battle am I really up against? I have done a lot of online research, and obtained general information such as; it depends on what is in the best interest of the children...etc. I know those basic facts, but couldn't really find any actual court cases to review. I know my ex will oppose the move. I am trying to get feedback from someone who knows a lot about this, or has been through it, to give me some advice. I am in a position now where I am not sure it is worth going through a nasty court battle if I am going to lose. In other words, what are my chances of the judge granting relocation? Any advice would be helpful. Thanks.

Name: cacpmm New Member

To all of the people who have commented and have not been in a case like this, should remember "Those in glass houses should not throw stones". Anyone who has been through divorce doesn't do it because they are happy and living in a healthy relationship. The majority of custodial parents are mothers. I am in the same situation as the woman above and I am desperate to win the fight of my life. My ex was barely involved with our children or the running of our home during our marriage. Now that I have reconnected with someone from my past who lives in PA and have requested to relocate to marry him and pursue a new career that will allow me to work from home and care for my children without having to work nights and weekends as a critical care RN for the first time in my adult life, my ex has decided to become an involved parent. He has the children 2 evenings/week and every other weekend to which he brings them to restaurants, arcades, movies and then brings them home to me to do homework, school projects, parent teacher conferences, doctor and dentist appointments. I provide all of the structure and he provides fun. Fun for me right? He pays only half of what the state of NH guidelines recommend (which I have been fighting) because the Judge felt he needed more money to live on. He was living with his mother and the Judge felt that he needed a better place for him and the kids to be, so she reduced his child support payments. This leaves me and my fiance' holding the bag every month to pay for school tuition, health insurance, and the kids activity fees. Supporting 2 separate house holds and 6 kids between us is killing us financially. Since my fiance' has primary custody of his 3 children and I have custody of mine, it only leaves us with approximately 4-6 nights a month to be together. I have tried repeatedly to come up with a compromise with my ex for almost 2 years and his response is always that he would rather see me and the kids suffer than see me happy because I ruined his life. So, is it in the kids best interest for us to be geographically jailed until my youngest son (6 years old) is 18 just because my ex wants to punish me?

From my experience, my advice to anyone in the same predicament as me is be prepared for a very expensive fight! You will find out quickly who your friends are and you'll hear a lot of opposition from people who know nothing about your life and who will make you feel defeated and as if you are a horrible mother for even attempting this fight. Get a great lawyer and educate yourself as much as possible. Remember that your lawyer is only as good as you are!

I have to still go through 2 more Court dates to finish up my case. I pray constantly for the miracle that I need to be free to move on with my life. Sure, I could move without my kids and give up custody, but that alternative is like amputating my legs or I stay here and be miserable with the job I have and not be able to be with my fiance' for the next 12 years. I know that my ex is my kids' father and that they need him to be in their lives, but in their best interest, they also need me to care for them and nurture them as I have since before they were born. I need to be happy too and have the chance to prosper as well.
There is nothing holding my ex from moving on with his life if he finds a way to finally do so.

Name: ArmyWfe New Member

If you and your ex agree on the move and parenting plan then you have every right to relocate. A judge usually will allow the relocation if the parties agree. I am relocating too, but I was never married and the bio-d to my daughter has never been involved. Every case is different. Dont listen to the idiots on here. Every one is different. The kids regardless will be able to see both parents, it is something that has to be worked on. Every one moves and relocates. No one stays in one place. If your ex was moving you would not be able to stop him or say anything about it. Good luck. Hire a child psychologist, then you actually have someone looking out for the kids and knows if a move will hurt them or not. Good luck

Name: marthac New Member

I agree with Madalex. Divorce children need both parents, unless there is something very wrong with one of them. Put yourself in the shoe of your ex who only gets to see the children every other weekend and one day a week. If you loved your children, will that be enough for you? How would you feel if you are now not going to be able to see your children at all, not because you have done anything wrong.

You are pursuing your own happiness and that's fine. You may have custody but you don't own the children. Is your ex paying child support? And are you expecting your ex to pay child support AND don't get to see the children as well? Who cares what the legal system has to say, what do you think is right? Have you seen the ending of the movie Kramer vs Kramer?

Name: DebraKD New Member

Okay maybe someone can help me out. I feel you on this whole battle thing. Oddly enough mine is not with the Ex-husband he agrees with my move and our new parenting plan. Our issue is with a Judge letting us move. Personally I think this is stupid. If both parents agree it should be ok. Well not in WA state. If we were still married I would not have to do this. So why is it if we both agree we have to get the court to ok it? Well I really hope all went well for you!

Name: relocatingtoo New Member

Dear GMS... I hope that you log back on and see my support for you and the fight that you are up against. I have been fighting this for 5 months now and won't know until the first of the year what the judge has to rule. I am so prayerful that she rules in my favor - I have lots of things in my corner that help - but still it all depends how she is feeling that day. Please know that I am rooting for you... I am so happy to see that there is more than just me out there fighting this fight. I pray you win!

Name: brettlee New Member

I understand your problem.You dont want to live with your exhusband.And you are interested to relocate your children and remarry other person.Hope the court case will be in your favour and you get the custody of your children.
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Name: singlemommedtodeath New Member

unless your ex is a dispicable human being why would you want to remove your children from him?

Name: brettlee New Member

I hope case will be in your favour.You must have faced a lot of problems with your ex husband,and so you were divorced.If you are divorced,then according to law,you can marry the other person.Because living with a person who do not understand your feelings is waste.And a woman also has a right to look after her children.Even she also has an equal right.So i hope court case shall be in your favour.
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Name: brettlee New Member

I hope case will be in your favour. You must have faced a lot of problems with your ex husband,and so you were divorced. If you are divorced,then according to law,you can marry the other person.Because living with a person who do not understand your feelings is waste.And a woman also has a right to look after her children. Even she also has an equal right.So i hope court case shall be in your favour.
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brettlee
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Name: brettlee New Member

I hope case will be in your favour.You must have faced a lot of problems with your ex husband,and so you were divorced.If you are divorced,then according to law ,you can marry the other person.Because living with a person who do not understand your feelings is waste.And a woman also has a right to look after her children.Even she also have a equal right.
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Name: kim New Member

I agree that the children should see both parents and yes it is in thier best interest, but should the missouri courts stop our right of freedom and making decesions for our family. the answer is no. both parents should have the same right to relocate read the ok, or ny, ca reasoning now that makes sense they do not drain your pocket book they give both parties equal rights to relocate and do not hold the custodial parent to different rights. If your thinking of moving to missouri dont! The more the courts get in to our homes the more rights we loose. my husband and I both agree if we ever got divorced we would never be that stupied. we did for a short period seperate several years ago and quess what when emotions were high we still worked it out and stood our ground with no courts. maybe if people would come together refuse to use family court in missouri than they would be forsed to not welcome petty fights and take all the money they can from families. missouri needs to say no and grant equal rights on relocating it is not fair!

Name: kim New Member

What is wrong with these replies. I feel it is so backwards and yesterday to think that a woman should not have the right to move her children. (providing she has custody) we work, and remarry and it is our job to provide the best life for our children because after all they live with one parent. I am not saying children should not spend time with the other parent, but keep in mind quality time and quanity are to seperate things. keep the courts out . they take lots of money from people and play on emotions.Then you both walk away with what common sense could have figured out in no time. we are a mobile society it is not like it use to be and missouri courts need to get on board like some of the other states california, ok,and NY where it has to be proven by the non custodial parent that the move will cause danger. some courts know that the primary caregiver should not loose freedom rights and have the same freedom rights as the father who can move at any time.my advice stay as far away from missouri as possible they are not on board , the court systems are so backed up they will be lucky to remember your case after a year. you might even find things in your order that does not apply to what you are asking. I am waiting for this law to change so I can be with my sick mother whom might die before I get out of missouri . my x has the option and probably will move some day and will have to answer to no one, just hopefully before my mother has something happen to her. thanks missouri courts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Name: jakemeister1 New Member

Most research that I read leads me to believe that most children do better with an intact family with their two biological parents. The main exceptions are abuse, addiction, infidelity. Why are children expected to adjust to and like whoever their parents choose to bring into their house?
I am in agreement with madalex that parents are primarily responsible for what ever situation they put themselves and their famiy in. Ask you children what they want you and their father to do. It may not be the course of action you seem to want to take.

Name: dedicateddad New Member

For the sake of the Children, unless he's abusive, Please don't move away and add more separation of child and parent.
http://www.achildsright.net/

Name: madalex Member

chitownmom2 -

No one is forcing mon to stay in one state or preventing mom from moving. She can move whenever she wants. She just can't nevessarily take the kids with her. The kids do not "belong" to her, so she can't make the unilateral decision to move them.

By the way, the courts do not put parents in this position: the parents put themselves in this decision when they decide to have children, then get divorced, then decide to move somewhere else to pursue their own individual agendas without any thought to what it will do to the children.

In this situation, mom wants to move to be with her new husband. That is her decision. Why should she get to impose that decision on dad and the kids, simply because she wants to pursue her own agenda?

Name: chitownmom2

I think its crazy that someone would actually tell you to leave your kids with their dad and move. What a bunch of crock madalex. I feel your pain. I think its insane that the courts put parents in a position like this. Forcing a parent to stay in one state is like giving all the power to the ex. They are non custodial parents for a reason. You have an uphill battle. There are tons of legal websites to look up court cases you just have to have the time to really look.

Name: madalex Member

It will be a nsaty court battle and even if you win, you may be required to pay all the costs of having your children travel to visit their father.

Keep in mind that you can always move; it's just that you can't take the kids away from their father without a court order. So, if it is so important for you to move, just do so and let the kids move in with their dad full time.

Name: roxy3

wow i am a mother of 2 and i need some feedback since i want to relocate with my kids too. i have the same problem with my ex with what you are going thru..please help need feedback

Name: ajv

Court battle. The battle is getting to court. I am currently trying to relocate my children and I to Kansas. My new husban had to take a position in Kansas or he would loose his job. It has been 5 months since I filed a motion to relocate and nothing is happening. My x husban will not allow the children to relocate. I am 8 months pregnant living in Colorado with my 3 children waiting for a hearing. It is so hard on every one ! My husban and I have been living apart for about 3 months. I have not gone to court yet, but hope it will be set soon.

Name: cheeps New Member

How far away? We split travel time in half but they were only four hours away. If they have a good relationship in both houses it is not a good idea to have them be to far apart from the dad. It matters how old they are too...how old?cheeps