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Name: BMW New Member   Title: Is this grounds enough for divorce?

Before my husband and I got married, he promised he would stop doing drugs (weed) when we got married. I explained to him that drugs could not be apart of our marriage and he would assure me that they wouldn't be. Soon after we go married, he continued to smoke and everytime I would approach him, he would tell me that it was his last time. Well, after a 1 1/2 of "this is my last time", I realized that he was just saying whatever to me. I tried everything to stick with him. Hell, I even smoked with him, because it seemed like the only way to spend time with him. I mean, he would tell me that he was going over a friends house for an hour and come back 3-4 hours later, high as a kite, never calling or apologizing.
Recently, I joined the military to make a better life for the both of us and our future. He was suppose to join with me, but didn't pass the piss test. Before I went to basic, we sat down and talked again. He told me he would be done with smoking and would invest my money, so we could start building a future. Well, when I got back 4 months later...he had not stoped smoking, and in fact, he had picked up drinking evey night. Also all my money was gone and he had quit his job. I left him within 2 weeks of being back, but I didn't want a divorce. I just couldn't continue to live with him and his habits. Throughout the the 2 months we were seperated, he begged me to come back and promised that he had stopped and if I loved him I wouldn't have done all of this. So I told him I would come back if we went to counseling. Well, he agreed and we went to counseling. There he said that all he wanted was his wife back and he had stopped smoking and drinking. I told the counselor why I left and why I didn't want to go back. My husband looked shocked that I didn't believe him and told the counselor that he had stopped. So the couselor suggested that I go back and made my husband promised that if he relapsed that he would go to rehab. Before the week was out I realized he had not stopped smoking and he told me a week later that he had no intention of going to drug counseling and he only said that to get me back in "arms reach".

Is this grounds for getting a divorce? I feel like I can do better and I don't want to spend the rest of my life living like this....

Name: intex7 New Member

Yes, you have reason enough for divorce. Irreconciliable differences. You did what you needed to do with your life and if the man that you are to be with for the rest of your life cannot come in agreeement with you and is irresponsible like I see that he is, and looks like he doesn't want to grow up. You will have better advantages if you get a lawyer and have proof of his habits so that you won't have to pay him anything in the divorce like spousal maintenance since he doesn't have a job and you are the one getting paid. Depending on the state you live in. But, yes, I would if I were you divorce just make sure you don;t get screwed. Hope this helps.

Name: marthac New Member

where do you live? you can check out the grounds for divorce here: http://www.divorcemag.com/articles/grounds/ It differs from state to state.

best is to judge what he does, not what he says

Name: gturnwald New Member

Contested Divorce
A contested divorce is one in which the husband and wife cannot come to an agreement on one or several issues related to the termination of their marriage. Where the partners cannot come to an agreement, even with the aid of their respective counsels, the couple must then take their issue(s) to a court to be decided.

For a free consultation, call (517) 347-6700

Name: Miss__Lead New Member

somewhat similar situation. yes it is grounds for divorce.. i dont think it matters what state you are in. if he was under the influence of drugs when you got married.. it's grounds. If you were mislead, it's grounds as well.

Name: Bluetone New Member

What state are you living in? What grounds of divorce does your state have for divorce? Why would you believe someone who uses drugs? Was he high when he told you that he would stop? Why didn't you wait untill he was stone cold sober and on the wagon for a couple of years before marrying him? I have known several people who smoke the stuff just as a recreational outlet and it doesn't seem to upset the balance. It doesn't make you stupid, it just keeps you there. I would not encourage it as it doesn't promote anything good but you knew him and must have had a reason for marrying him despite his shortcommings. How long have you been married? Are there children? If all else fails, call the cops and get him busted (just kidding). Relational Harmony is right about immaturity but the both of you need help in this area. Don't worry though, we all do. Maturity is a lifelong process and it happens more rapidly in the context of marriage. I would not recommend counseling unless you can find good help. Bad counseling is counterproductive and they don't give moneyback garauntees.

Name: RPS Law New Member

A Criminal Defense Attorney can tell you if you need grounds for divorce. In New York, some grounds for filing for a divorce include:
Cruel and Inhuman Treatment, Abandonment (1 yr prior), Adultery, Separation Agreement (after 1 yr), Imprisonment (3 yrs)
Many criminal defense attorney will offer a free consultation. Best of luck to you.

Name: RelationalHarmony New Member

BMW, it sounds like your husband has a real problem but doesn't see it as a problem. And immaturity on top. I'd love to have you both in a session I do with couples. It's long and intesne and there's nowhere to hide. You and he would have a huge amount of clarity after that. And possibly begin anew. Right now he's not convinced of his problem and is making bad choices from a very limited set of choices. This would open up his horizons. See if he'll take this quiz:
http://www.relationalhar
mony.org/page8/page8.php
Best,
Fernando

Name: parkavemainst New Member

In most states, you don't NEED grounds to get divorced; all you need is irreconcilable differences, and it sounds like you have that in spades. In fact, NY is the only state where you MUST have grounds; and there you would use the allegations you've listed above to get a divorce on the grounds of cruelty.
Karen
www.parkavenueguidetodivorce.typepad.com

Name: almostover02 New Member

sounds like you deserve it to yourself to leave. believe me. ive been there i went back and tried again. it doesnt get any better. life is soo much better without the worry of him and his problems on you.