I am probably going to ruffle a few feathers here, but we need to talk about child support and child support enforcement. It seems like we can’t because in many “I’m not one of them” and “not my problem” circles, there is a small but vocal minority that shame women for having reproduced with a man who is either not paying his fair share or not paying any child support at all. We have all heard dismissive comments like, “You chose him, why are you complaining now?” As if we all have a crystal ball that we can look into and predict the future.
We have dealt with the folks who shame women by calling us gold-diggers, welfare queens, and telling us to go and support “our own” children and leave the men alone if they can’t – or don’t want to – pay child support. They say that if a father doesn’t want to pay, then there is probably a “good reason” why – and that reason probably has something to do with the mother. We have heard the nation-building scripts around this nonsense, in support of fathers who do not want to pay when they have a job, or who do not want to go and get a job – any job – when they have children to support. It amazes me that women have been so quick to jump onto the bandwagon against other women. Society has always done this to us and we gleefully take up the challenge. Women are constantly pitted against each other: who is the prettiest, has the best figure, is the smartest, has the best job, married the best man, has the biggest ring and nicest house… It never ends. With child support, I have struggled to figure out what’s the goal with that one – who is better than the other one because she doesn’t have to fight for child support? I’m still trying to figure it out but I have come to one theory.
Why Some Women are Against Child Support & Support Enforcement
First, we have to ask why so many people are against women receiving a fair and appropriate amount of child support to raise a child and enforcing those orders if necessary. The people who speak out against rigorous child support enforcement (both men and women) are vehement that the enforcement measures are unfair to men, but offer no practical means to care for and provide a standard of living for children that these men have created. Their reasoning is about being fair to the father if he has little means to support himself, and allowing him to retain his earnings when he is well-off.
Wanting to protect a father can be admirable depending on the situation, because we all need protecting at some point in our lives. This is the reason that we are a nation of laws. But these same people give little or no thought at all to the protection of the mother who typically is the one parenting on the front lines on a daily basis, and little to no thought at all to the children who get caught up in the mess and frequently end up with the short end of the stick. Where are their protections? These are also the same people who look down on single moms when they are unable to provide – or provide “enough” – for their children. So what is the real reason they are against a woman’s right to not go broke because she is the sole provider at home?
Everyone knows that when women have children, it changes their lives. If we are honest, having children can limit a woman’s economic opportunities. The straight talk is that I am talking about poverty, economic hardships, and playing fields which are slanted in the direction of the non-custodial parents, which are often the men in these situations. According to the Administration for Children & Families, timely and sufficient child support payments have been shown to lift women and children out of poverty. In her University of Wisconsin-Madison Ph.D. dissertation. “Child Support and the Postdivorce Economic Well-being of Mothers, Fathers, and Children”, Dr. Judi Bartfeld’ research reveals the steep declines women and children face in their standard of living after divorce – and the increases men experience. These economic hardships should cause women to focus on collecting fair, appropriate, and timely child support payments.
Knowing these things, why in the heck would any woman be against child support and child support enforcement following the demise of a relationship is beyond me. The truth is that deep-down, some people are against the equal economic opportunity for women because they want to punish women for refusing to remain in abusive or unhappy relationships, for being sexually active and conceiving outside of marriage, and for anything that goes against their sexist and patriarchal viewpoints. Let’s not forget that women didn’t even have the right to vote until 1920 and that we are still victims of domestic violence at alarming rates: more than 4 million women experience physical assault and rape by their partners, and 1 in 3 female homicide victims are murdered by their current or former partner every year. (Get domestic violence facts here: www.safehorizon.org/get-informed/domestic-violence-statistics-facts.)
The “women are evil” idea started with Eve, who was a bad girl and ate an apple and created all sorts of trouble. There is still a double standard where men can have sex with as many people as they can and still be respected, but if women have multiple partners, they are disrespected. Is it any wonder that some people consider woman to be bitches if we insist that a man support his children and save us from bankruptcy or prevent us from retirement because we are spending every dime that we have to give our kids the best life that we can? Is it any wonder that we have conditioned ourselves to think that we are bad mothers, bad people, or unworthy because we want the other parent to do his fair share? Deep down, some people still see a single mother’s poverty, struggle, and misery as punishment for her rebellion against male authority and ownership.
Some might say being pro-child support and pro-child support enforcement makes me a spokesperson for the female gold-digger. Now don’t get me wrong: I am all about female empowerment and self-support. Economic independence is wonderful. I enjoy the economic independence that my businesses and books have provided to me and my children; it has allowed me to give them a good life filled with international travel, university education, and cultural experiences. But I have also fervently pursued fair child support agreements and enforcement, when needed. I am not naïve to the motives of others: being anti-child support and anti-child support enforcement is about punishing women.
These are the reasons why I am pro-child support and pro-child support enforcement. I want women to enjoy their financial freedom, control the choices they make in their lives, to be able to make choices not based on desperation, and have a great life. When you have kids you cannot afford, or when you cannot afford to give them the life that they deserve, it is hard to have a great life. So if you have had a failed relationship that includes children, please do yourself a favor and pursue an agreement in the best interest of your children. If you’re a father, please remember that your kids deserve your support – no matter how you feel about their mother. If you’re a mother who is in the fortunate position of not needing child support to take good care of her children, please, please, respect the needs of the women who do pursue child support for their children and for themselves.
Finally, you have the right to live life on your own terms. Remember that though we all have different experiences and come from different places, we are all in this together. Let’s support one another.
Are you a woman who has been against child support or child support enforcement?
Do you know a woman who has been against child support or child support enforcement?
Do you think that some men use the non-payment of child support as a means of punishment?
Wishing you the best in your support of women,
Simone Spence, Deadbeat Hunter
I’m afraid to pursue it as my ex was abusive and moved in blocks away. Im also scared if I file that it’ll mess me up from the stress of going to court again. He’s not following the orders. Been to domestic violence counseling and they advised I just leave it alone. I thought that was odd.
It is very difficult to be on board with your sentiment, OP, when I am paying my ex 35 percent of.my take home income for child support.
I am and always was involved in my child’s life. I still am, after 6 months’ fighting, was awarded joint custody. Yet, I still.pay my ex child support due to income shares model. My ex does not work and enjoys a take home income higher than mine because she gets SSI disability. She also.is “low income” so gets a subsidized 2br apartment. Meanwhile I am forced to live with my parents at 42y/o after having to sell my house (WHICH I BOUGHT MYSELF, WHICH SHE LIVED IN FOR FREE.)
Remember, Im the one who works.
I also did the majority of the housework and still had to deal with her femextremist attitude (primarily why we broke up). I got sick of being the provider and the maid and the caretaker and the chauffeur and the handyman…
And what happens?
She gets a fresh start
I get to clean up the mess left behind
Am in debt for the next 14 years.
You talk about being free to chase your dreams? Tell me why its acceptable for a WOMAN to follow her aspirations and dreams at the MAN’S expense?
I agree with you 100 percent. If you were awarded 50/50 custody then there should not be any child support! I have sole custody of my three children and exwife ordered to pay child support 6 years ago and has not paid a cent in court ordered support. I’ve spent thousands and lost thousands paying for lawyer and missing work going to court trying to enforce this order. They just tell her same thing everytime that she needs to start paying. If this was a male he wouldve been in jail. Different rules for women versus men when it comes to paying support. She close to $100,000 behind and probably will never pay. Not right that men get thrown in jail and have their lives ruined but when it comes to women having to pay they get free pass!
I hear you. I won custody of three girls from their mom. She was ordered to pay $35 a week in child support. When they finally garnished her wages for the first time, she called the cops and accused me of molesting our 4 year old. They cane arrested me, gave her the kids back, and put me under a no contact order. The criminal chatge was dropped 3 weeks later for lack of evidence, a forensic psychologist was employed who determined my daughter had been coached by her mom, and after 20 months and a second custody hearing, my kids were back in my care for good. My ex was never in trouble for lying to police and still does not pay child support, even though that was restored as well. She has never been arrested for non-support. Even her drivers license is intact. So when I hear somebody bellyaching about how the system isn’t doing enough to help mothers, I am not impressed by your sad story. Equality is for EVERYBODY, not just females.
God, I hope their is justice here. I am a 34 year old married woman and mother to two boys and another son on the way. I can feel the emotions and get angered. I have never been on welfare or collected child support (my first son) and it angers me. I was denied assistance with my first because of my refusal of child support for my first. Other females/people say that’s my fault, but I refuse to force a coward. Point is: having a v-gina can make or break you and I guess it broke me…to be a better, smarter, harder working, higher earning woman. I only wish a girl, not a woman, would tempt one of my sons like the females that are being talked about here. Only way I collected income and stayed home was because I was a high risk surrogate- only collecting money from one person(s), not no “baby daddy” or this bull…government. I didn’t know child support was a way to earn a living….if you’re willing to settle. Can’t wait for those kids to turn 18….hence that’s why some of these nasty broads stay pregnant. So, I was denied medicaid, while these little girls get their rent paid and eat for free, including their new, next baby daddies? C’mon, you politicians need to fix this. So, a young, stupid, caring man can be fooled by an unsure whore, sign a birth certificate, and pay for it until this kid of hers grows up without its real father…unfair to both men. I’m impartial, as I understand the struggle, but where is the justice here? Where I come from, my government don’t tolerate support a hoe foundations or the other crap allowed to go on here
They don’t like to hear this, because they hate truth. This system isn’t made for children, like all these idiots like to keep spouting, it’s made to punish men. Women in the system do not suffer, or have any consequences for not paying support. My lawyer told me over 95% of women ordered to pay support never EVER pay, and NONE have had any action taken against them, EVER.
My …frustration is that my state requires non-custodial parents to provide a government mandated LIFESTYLE for the children, and by inference, the custodial parent,
It takes two people to create a child, therefore providing for their child(ren)’s NEEDS should be a shared responsibility.
I also want to use a child support trust in the form of a special purpose checking account that both parents put money into in order to provide for my children, but my family court judge has refused to allow me to do this because “Your [voluntarily unemployed ex-]wife” (NOT our children) “deserves that money” referring to ‘child support’.
We won’t get started on the lack of visitation enforcement in my backwater state. I tried to get Her Honor to enforce my parental rights, but all that Her Honor did was to scold my ex-wife. It took promising my ex-wife that I would have her arrested and prosecuted for Interference With Custody to get her to stop denying my access to my children,
And Her Honor wonders why I am helping her opponent in the upcoming judicial election…
I had a child with a greedy, selfish, ignorant woman.
I’d like to spend equal time with my child. She’s my only child. I love her and want more time with her. I only get one chance to be a father.
Why can’t I do that? I am her father?
I’ll tell you…
The piece of shit woman, would rather have money than her daughter’s father in her life.
Any woman who does this should be put away.
Or down .
Shane, I am so sorry you have to suffer this. I do receive child support from my ex, and could never use money as a wedge between his relationship with my son. Granted we have had issues of non payment in the past, and I had family members tell me that I should just not let him see him until he pays. Family members! I couldn’t believe my own family could suggest something that would hurt my son who loves his father and wants to see him! People rarely look at the fathers side of things. My ex is a good dad, and bought my son a cell phone when I couldn’t afford one just so he could call him every day. My son is 15 now, and never once in his life did I ever tell his father he couldn’t see him when he asked. Even if I had plans with my son, I would cancel, so he could see his dad. He has since moved across the street from me to be near him, which was wierd for me at first, but the action spoke a thousand words. My son used to ask me if he could go see his dad when he got home from work. I finally told my son to stop asking. I told him he doesn’t need perdition to see his father, and that I want him to TELL me he’s going to see his dad. I’m so grateful he has a father who loves him, and your ex should too. I’m ashamed of all those women who use their children as pawns. I hope and pray something changes for you and you can see your daughter whenever you want!
You hit the nail right on the head. It takes two people to create a child, therefore providing for their child(ren)’s NEEDS should be a shared responsibility.
Your last paragraph clarified it for both men and women. We have the RIGHT to live life on our own terms. Enough said. #childsupportscam
I’m a woman against child support under certain circumstances. If the dad is in the childs life and is helping his ex to support their child then why go for child support? Some women do it to get back at the man and I hate that. If he isn’t helping her and she needs money then by all means take him for child support. But to take him just because your mad is the wrong reason
I disagree with seeing child support opposition as “anti women”. I don’t think anyone should be paying or paid child support – whether it is the father or mother that has full custody or most custody. In the case of shared care, I think it’s fair to push for something to be in place, but no, I don’t think it should be a default. My brother got a girl pregnant when he was 16 (how it happened is ultimately irrelevant – they were both there for it, clearly) and though he was not ready to be a dad, did the best he could at that age. She ended up cheating and leaving for an older man with a better income, in a long, painful process, whilst telling their son that her new boyfriend was his real dad (which was visibly just not true) and making their son scared of my brother in order to get him out of the picture… he still has to pay child support, and has for the past 10 years. Unless he wants to take her to court, which will be long, painful and expensive for not just him but also their son, he will be giving a large chunk of his income to a woman who makes sure it is as hard as possible for him to bond with his son. Again – he could go to court. He believes that will damage his son, a tug of war between his parents, due to his own experience. If you’re not giving the other parent easy access to be a part of their child’s life, you shouldn’t be able to receive child support. The world is overpopulated as it is. Maybe it needs to get a little more expensive so people get even more careful.
My friend has been paying for 16 years for a child he does not know. She was cheating and had another child. Because he would not accept the second child, she and her family refused to let him see the child. I agree if you are not allowed contact then raise the child on your own. Men hate child support because women want the money and to control the child. Pathetic! Having a child does not make you special. Children are a choice. If you cannot support them, do not have them.
Child support is for absent fathers not failed relationships. 90% of the cases is due to failed relationships. That however is unfair to not only the father but also the child. Locking a non compliance father up or taking his license is not a benefit to nobody except the court. It actually causes more damage to the child and fatber.The fact is the child support system is a totally failed system. No one wins from it.
So, I’m a career-woman who receives child support. I have two young children. My ex-husband is an attorney who makes more than twice my income. And, he’s remarried. His new spouse makes more than I do, so their household income is 3.5x more than mine. (Note that child support in Missouri is only based on Ex’s income, not his wife’s.)
However, I WISH I did not have to need child support to raise my children. I gave up a great career to have children, and I never recovered career wise. I was ordered to receive child support, which is needed to help pay for my kids’ school fees, summer camps, and other child-specific expenses. Ex did not want to pay child support and wanted all expenses to be 50/50, since custody is 50/50. But it was made clear to him that as long as he makes 2x my salary, he will pay some sort of child support. Plus, he was abusive and is the one who left for another woman. So he left me in a bad financial situation – one which I’m trying to climb out of.
He said that if I can’t afford to pay 50% of the kids’ expenses, that I shouldn’t have joint custody of the kids. So he took me to court again and again to request sole physical custody, sole legal custody, and to lower child support. This is an accomplished attorney who sits on various committees… and yet he doesn’t want to help support his kids when they’re with me. Some men feel that they should only support kids that are with them, for the portion of time the kids live with them. The concept of child support is lost in the era of 50/50 custody arrangements.
Ex still has more than enough to live in a very large home, take our children on numerous vacations, and buys them lavish gifts (example: motorized cars). Me? I went back to college for a master’s degree while working full time, and am continuing to try to increase my salary. Ex can afford to pay child support, but doesn’t want to. A disadvantage to receiving child support is also that Ex can request to view my tax return, bank accounts, etc. at any time as long as he is filing for a “modification.” So Ex scrutinizes my spending, knows where I shop, how often I go to the store, etc., even how much I save. He says that because he pays child support, he owns everything I have – that I’m only able to afford anything because of the child support he “gives” me. It’s a violation of my privacy that I must endure as long as I receive child support. I pray for the day when I make enough money to tell Ex to take his child support and shove it. I’d rather pay for everything at 100% than ask that man for any help.
It is not the new wife’s children. It is the child you have with your husband. She should not be included. You are greedy.
You choose to default your career
, and now your crying about that? Why would you make such a poor choice and blame another person for your bad choice? Should have kept the good job and not have given it an excuse. No wonder why you never recovered either. You gave up a good job, and now thats on your record. Should have tried harder, just like a man would have to, sorry im so blunt, but thats how it is for a father, and woman’s rights should be no different. And when it is different it should be discrimination
It must be so easy to tell someone they are doing it wrong that they should have done it a different way, when you aren’t going through that situation yourself, it’s so easy to judge someone when you aren’t in their shoes. The reality is that there are two different kinds of people, the ones who are going through the situation and the outsiders who are judging from the outside in. When in reality you have no right to judge when you aren’t the one making the hard decisions. You wouldn’t be critiquing someone if you were the one that had to make those hard decisions. Coming from personal experience I know how hard it can be to be a single mom and the best thing you can do is put your children first. Sometimes that means sacrificing a particular career because it doesn’t align with your child’s needs and if you aren’t putting your child’s needs first you aren’t being the best parent you can be. That’s what single moms do they make sacrifices in order to give their children the best life’s they can. And if you’re going to marry someone that already has kids you are now a stepparent and as such you should still treat them like your own and help support your partner in taking care of them. If you can’t handle that responsibility then you shouldn’t be with someone that has kids because that’s the role you take on as a step parent. My situation is different but similar in that I am also a single mom only I am doing everything and the father is not doing a single thing for our child. You can’t always predict how someone’s going to act, the father of my child was living with me and wanted to get married but then we found out I was pregnant and he wanted nothing to do with it he then ran off with another woman while I was pregnant he didn’t even give our child a chance. he got engaged to her while I was pregnant and when our child was born he abandoned our child. And then he blamed me for him abandoning our son when in reality you can’t blame someone else for your own actions. He was given the opportunity to see him but he wants nothing to do with our son. They post their engagement all over social media and everyone is supporting them and congratulating them but these people don’t know the truth as to what he’s done. In gods eyes that is an act of adultery, and in the laws eyes that is a crime because he’s abandoned his responsibility as a parent, this is the stereotype guy that deserves to pay child support because if he doesn’t learn a lesson through the law he will do the same to others. And as such the law will handle him. There have to be consequences for bringing a child into the world and then abandoning responsibility as a parent that’s why there are laws in place otherwise this type of man would go on committing the same crime against other woman and get away with it.
Child support is a form of socialism, which is inherently evil. Secular child support has been damaging to children, their relationship to parents, and society long term.
IS IT? The rich control the poor by ordering the poor to help pay to raise their own kids? Money damages kids? You are truly insane.
I am speaking as a father, who found out I had a son after she was forced to find me due to registering for TANF. She had no intentions of coparenting and nevertheless informing me that I have a child. Then I get hit with back support from the jump as it goes back to when she files already putting me in arrears immediately. I pay on time and my son tells me he only gets a pair of gloves for christmas and has only 1 toy and received nothing for his birthdays. The point im making is there are women out there who only want child support as a form of control, then don’t even apply it to the child. Most men would have 0 issues with paying support had they know the money they send is being applied to their child. Would you like to send money to any business, not know where its going to, then be told by them I need more with no explanation. Then you proceed to court and they say granted with no explanation, all while the product that the business offers, you don’t even get to benefit from it or use it? Its the same, paying child support, for the mother to interrupt or keep time away from you actually wanting to not be a deadbeat and raise your child. Personally, it doesn’t matter because when the child is an adult, they will find out the truth and the mother will have some explaining to do as to why they were maliciously extorting money and claiming its to support the child when the child themselves will say ” I didn’t get much growing up, so where did all the support go?”
child support is set up for a dad that wants his space or lives far away(every other weekend and 2 hours on thursday)(wow what kind of participation is that). It is not set up for a father that participates in picking up from school, has his child 3 nights a week and 6 days per week, feeding, paying day care, buying clothes etc(you know being a responsible Father.) Mothers who love the conveince of having a father for their children in a joint situation (what i just described) but have the father on child support make me sick. Especsially when they have another child who has never even seen his father at 14 years old and that man is not on child support. Why? Hes abusive and you don’t want him in your childs life? Not for you to decide. They have visitation rooms set up where your child can still know who his father is in a controled enviroment. I cant stand women that pick and choose what father they want to be in their kids life after they jump in the bed with him. You drag a good father through child support system but let a dead beat make it cause you dont want to share your child with him! this situation has put so much hate in me i dont even know myself anymore!!!!!!!!
It’s very simple! Why should the state get involved in such a private matter. You are allowing a third party to interject and use government resources over a break up! You failed to mention about those unspoken women who bare the skills that modern women see as unnecessary and make it happen. Instead of shopping for the lastest trends or trying to keep up with the Jones learn how to get over it and move on. There are so many women who don’t seek support because they move on. No one is a victim.
Sadly child support is not even about the children. It’s made to send people, that can not afford to pay, to jail. You guys heard me correct. Many governments use these laws to get free work from these innocent people. Very sad world, we honestly need to wake up the people about this matter.
You are a advocating for a system of unfree labor, not unlike the system of Indentured servitude of the 18th century. When the relationship is over, no one should be forced to pay the ex-spouse. It’s ridiculous and un-American. The children should go to who can provide for them, and all assets should be divided, and that should be the end of all financial entanglements. END THE INSTITUTION OF CHILD SUPPORT NOW.
This is why we must scrap traditional gender roles. Men want women to stay home and take care of the kids but when it goes tits up they hold that double edge sword against them.
Who makes these rules anyway? If men in their majority wanted their children, they’d have them.
Child support needs to be eradicated!
I am a woman that is against child support! Both parents need to be ready financially to make and raise kids. children go to whichever parents that can afford them. No parents should receive money to one another to take care of kids. Women need to do their parts by having a career to have a good job . They should stop being welfare queens that need all assistances from governments. Food stamp, section 8, Wic and so on. I know a woman that gave her baby daddy child support so she could have food stamp even through the man was taking care of the two kids. And she said, she would not work more that 30 hours per week, but calling the man to ask for money on top of the child support given. I can’t stand women that give child support. I consider them as money hungry!
These women who are against it are the new girlfriends, sisters, friends, mothers of the paying Father who have heard his heartbreaking sob story over and over, how supporting his children means he can’t go on holiday to Benidorm.
Children are human beings. Men are also human beings, not just suppliers of sperm and money. Your article makes it clear that in your opinion, they are but tickets to ride. Remember the vows you made when you were married? Did they include collections after you decided to be ‘sexually active’ with other men? That is where the problem is.. There is no mention of men being parents in your article, and yet, plenty of expression of resentment towards people who disagree with you. There is no meaning behind the word “support” as you use it, other than a way to get out of poverty. Is that how you define “fair share”? Being female is not a license to reproduce and use children and men as pay check sources. If you want to be so sexually active and reproduce, without being able to afford it, you should be made to take responsibility for it just as much as the father, not punish him for your irresponsibility. It’s called family planning. Looks like you were too busy planning for a loose lifestyle instead. That’s why people disagree with you. You are in fact not supporting child support at all. You are using it to support yourself. Shameful.
Wow Luis, well said. This woman is totally sexist and only sees one gender and one kind of parent.
Our “OFFSPRING” are living human beings.
I didn’t put my dick inside my ex wife so she could put an ALL CAPS NAME on a God damn birth certificate and have “children” with the state.
The word “child(ren)” is nothing more than a correlation of the word “parent”. The “child” is a nonliving thing created by the state for TITLE IV-D funding.
I totally agree with some people here, especially when it’s a domestic violence situation, why should the state get involve in personal matters…. especially asking single mothers to enforce child support believe me Simone Spence you have no idea what your talking about. Having a monster in your child’s life…. what if it was a rape? If the father is not even in the birth certificate why enforce it? Why give that monster any paternity rights? Why even let him file for paternity when his true intentions is just to have you controlled and try to turn your kids you’ve raised for years before he even came around against you? What sick disgusting world we live in. So Simone before you judge women who don’t want nothing to do with their demon she finally escaped from with her children think about how child support really works and the wellbeing of children and their mothers. Because of these laws there are so many dead women and children and kidnapped as Weil.
My problem with child support is the lifestyle deal the lifestyle the kids had when the parents were together. Here is my story and why the courts are bias in favor of mothers. When my ex and I divorced I was making 47k she was making 30k prior to making 30k she was a stay at home mom on just my income for over a decade her choice.
I had a support payment in the 850 range that’s more that than her house payment too.
Fast forward 5 years since our divorce things changed for me and my ex wife. My oldest daughter now lives with me my youngest is still with my ex. My ex has remarried and the guy has a child as well.
My x stopped working as her new guy pays her bills. The vote has adjusted based on the situation her income is 0 and I make about 165k a year more that I ever would have if I never divorced! Child support is 2717 a month and I have 1 of our 2 kids. Think the system is fair nope. So with that support it’s more than her new man makes net and it’s all tax free. What a stupid system. M yuh number d sad Gould only be based on what I made when we divorced now making her have a good life for loopholes in the system! Men don’t get to kuxery of having vagi a to get some other sucker to shack up and pay his bills.
After reading all the comments and experiencing being the primary parent without receiving any support monetarily or help from family, then becoming the non-custodial parent and being alienated from my daughter while never being late- on my payments, my advice is don’t make poor choices and then have children with that poor choice. That mistake will affect the rest of your life with financial stress, inability to bond with your children and less likely to save for retirement. Worse, it’s a horrible thing to do to our children. Stop being lonely, stop wanting sex or instant gratification and just touch the lives around you without a partner or children. It’s better to be self sufficient with no regrets than to be forced to live with the loss of your children.
What a reasons why a mother wouldn’t ask for child support from the father of the child now 16
I think it is the ‘standard of care’ that is the problem. You can literally destroy a noncustodial parents life with that standard of care, and a lot of times the kid would be fine without it.
Men have a right to support their children directly. Never pay child support. Learn how to make money without having a job… And raise your own children. Don’t expect anyone to give you anything…
Domestic violence is where I draw the line. It’s a no no for me. I never for one day raised my hands to hit my wife but she did and I just overlooked it’s as a man should do.
For me child support is one sided and just another money making scheme. I pay child support because I love my kids and I want them to alright regardless of the situation between their mother and I.
My wife decided to have an affair and marry the guy. She split up our family with 5 young kids and tried to bankrupt me in the process.
They are now all in school, and she still refuses to get a job to help support them. She doesn’t spend the CS on them and beyond paying her each month, I purchase the majority of clothes, their car, their extra curricular activities, pay for all their cell phones all because she refuses to.
I’d get thrown in jail for not paying her the CS but she has absolutely zero accountability to spend it on them or help support them in any way. She does nothing but try to make my life miserable at every turn.
The system is completely broke. Especially when one parent tries to do the right thing against all odds and is not rewarded, just punished.
The law is unfair… I have a case with 5 kids $1000 monthly. It was unfortunate that I missed a couple of payments when I lost a good paying job due to an car accident that laid me off for many months. I later got those late payments off my reports all thanks to Spirassp, a company I found while searching google for help. It was a big deal but I had to give it a try and it worked perfectly. I was ready to go to jail for a situation that was beyond my control.
I couldn’t even get my stimulus check due to the situation. It’s just sad.
This article is a pack of nonsense , written by a female who already has the entitlement attitude.
Let me tell you something, child support isn’t about children , it’s a system of wealth transfer . The government has taken something that is natural for all human beings to do, which is procreate and made it into a business for profit! Your children are a commodity that is commercialized , the family attorneys make money when two parents fight for custody in court , they could careless who wins because they are getting paid regardless.
The courts usually award custody to the mother and the father has to fight for his child ,which cost him money! So if this child was created by two people , that chid belongs to both people and should be shared equally , it should be 50/50 no matter what , the court system is incentivized to award custody to one parent and make the other pay into the state / government system which keeps the machine going and justifies its existence. Most men take care of their kids before they ever had to go into a court room.
There is this false narrative and belief that men need to be forced to take care of their kids, which is totally false . Just as you have bad mothers who neglect their kids, you have bad fathers who do the same , but that narrative only applies to the fathers.
I could go on and on about this topic , it is unfair and unjust in so many ways it’s staggering to the mind that a system like this exist in modern times.
Don’t let any female, judge or attorney tell you that child support is a fair and just system, they are the only ones who will tout this because they are the beneficiaries of such a backwards and nonsensical capitalistic system.
The fathers are the prey.
Men guard your seeds, this article shows how western women minds are programmed , they all feel entitled to what you have on the account of having your child , you are nothing but a check to them .
why should a man not provide for his children. The child was made by two people therefore he should provide all forms of care for the child irrespective of what happened because he could also use protection if he didnt want the child. A child is never a mistake, its adults that make mistake in their choices
Takes two. He shouldn’t have to pay for the mothers lifestyle. Split the cost 50/50 and that’s only if custody is 50/50!
I believe our children are our future. And we are raising future parents, each state has different child support enforcement laws, corruption in the family court system, I’ve observed and researched this, I’m a paying parent of my now 17&13year old sons, every moment spent without my kids, every struggle, roadblock, I could go on and on. It’s where we have to start, I’ve noticed most suicides and murders victims domestic violence had a child support enforcement order, we can’t be parents like this. There’s major loopholes that need to be addressed, I’m proof, those other moms and dads labeled deadbeat parents, could have been great parents.my parents are deceased and I’m staying with my friend’s mom.
I plan to help missouris form 14 problems and all those parents unable to fix their own support order.
Virus+homeless+parentleses+childless= don’t hurt to keep trying anything that’s possible, could be sick next week and have 5+ more years of my own support order that’s been unfixable unheard undoing every chance I had at motherhood.
I’ve been paying parent 8 years,starved to feed my children motion to modify denied, can’t get assistance due to my order stating I can’t claim as dependents, in the government eyes I’m a female no kids. I’m the good mom paying for all the dad’s that have been ruined by child support.
How about the other way around? I am the mother who has to pay child support on my daughter because MY lawyer counseled my ex husband at our court hearing and took HIS side!! My ex also did our divorce papers online because we didn’t have the money to get a lawyer to write them out and I Never had a chance to read through them. When it was our turn in front of the judge, she said she was signing the papers With or Without MY signature!! I got screwed ALL the way around!! And unfortunately, because I’m behind in payments because I had to start caring for my parents and now just my dad, fulltime Without pay, I am Extremely behind. As of our last court hearing last April, I did get online and started paying what I can, out of my dad’s income. I’ll probably be paying for the Arrears for years to come, again unfortunately, and my daughter will be 18 in 2 more years.
I’d give almost anything to be able to sue the lawyer I had back then…. 11 years ago.
i’m a woman against all forms of child support from either parent. if a woman doesn’t want a child, she has the option to abort it or put it up for adoption with no say from the father. if a father doesn’t want a child, he has to pay for it for 18 years. how is that fair? and people rant and rave about how the mother has it worse because she’s the one raising the child-that was her choice! she decided to keep the kid! if a father, or a mother, wants nothing to do with a child they should be allowed to do that. a child shouldn’t be used as a punishment or a source of income. i don’t think the government should have any say in this stuff, just like they shouldn’t have any say in abortions. i just think it’s super fucked up that someone can be forced to pay money for years for some kid that they never see and don’t want to see & if they don’t pay they go to prison. if you’re not financially able to support a kid on your own, don’t have one.
Im a Women that haves 3 kids work two jobs, never got to finish College to get a better carrier because the father would not help and refused too, moved around. Raised other womens children. Finally at my child age 12 and 11 years old I started receiving child support when he feels like it, he haves a incredible paying job now. He owes $290 a month. My other kids dad with 10 years we have daughter. I had to enforce child support well he lived with me because he refused to help with rent, clothes anything, i think he went out one time while we were together and bought Christmas gift for his daughter. Without child support being garnished yes that $200 extra a month I recieve, he makes $5000 a month, if I didnt receive it I would be screwed. Its nice now to receive something, someone else help pay for some dame shoes, school clothes. Those things that are so easy to you. Man Im horrible person I should give it back, my kids dont need shoes, they can keep there hole shoes like he said. They can wear there socks as gloves. That way there dad can give more to there new kids, and so there new wife doesnt have to work, wait she doesnt.🤔 Sorry I geuss I dont get this form.
I file the child support court are over judge order payment every 1st of the month, I trying to understand what the child support really help to stablish my daughter need, because the father already made a payment to the SDU and he said they already get half child support for the following month, I dont work because of the pandemic, im behind my rent, my daughter need something important needed i cant afford, when I called, they give me a answer that I’m not specting to hear from the child support office, what she told me, I cant rely on the child support for what my daughter need!! I can understand if the father cant pay because his jobless, but if they took the money already from the bank and he sent another payment for the current month, but they keep saying they never recieve no payment, and they told me too he can make a payment for the child support when ever he want for the month. im confuse please me to understanding. thanks
Hey hmmm. I’m a father of my 7 years old son. I did pay child support. The family court been told and start paying my ex support of my son since January 7th, 2020. She is my ex okay. She listen her siblings and help them for bills. I wasn’t support her siblings and I told her move in with me. She refuses. She did what she have to do. Broke me up on that time. Take me to court 3 times. 50/50 custody agreements. She set me up of child support upcoming and her brother in law told her do it. Thats her siblings told her do it. Why am I made mistakes and mess things up? I told her move in with me by Family come first. You know why…. She is. Gold digger, change character, not real Mother, and damage her brain of her siblings. She put me half career lost and go by apartment 600.00 a month. Bad neighborhoods and bad environments.
I didn’t get my son birthday, father day, Halloween, Thanksgiving and either Christmas gifts. I give him card 25.00 and Christmas card. No toys and nothing. Other every weekend didn’t work for me. 50/50 or Child support? I take child support payments and off 50/50 situations. She choice child support.
I adopted my ex’s son at birth and he’s now 6 months old. She is leaving me and trying to move states away with our son. But wants me to stay on the birth certificate. But I can’t afford child support. And I love my son and don’t want him to leave. My question is. If I’m still on the birth certificate, can she legally do this if I’m not okay with it? And my other question is she says if she tells the courts she simply dosnt want me to pay child support, that they won’t and can’t make her sign up for child support
Then you’ll die alone. Don’t mean to sound harsh, but thats what will happen, and I’m sure you aren’t thinking that far ahead.
I’m a woman and just feel terrified of even having children. First of all, I made a decision that unless I have an additional 3 million dollars, sitting in my investments, I’m not even dreaming about having children. Second, reading all these horror stories about courts and custodies made it clear for me – I’m never getting married. So far – with these two simple decisions (1 – no kids and 2 – no marriage), my life is already freaking hard but still a million times easier than the lives of overwhelming majority of people around me, who have chosen kids and/or marriage. I’m fine never making babies in my life. And if I really want one later, I’ll adopt one.
Honestly, US court is not my friend. Condoms are my best friends. If I have no condoms with me, I avoid men like plague and don’t even come close to them: I never spend time one-on-one anywhere with the opposite sex, which always tries to seduce me. And if I choose to sex, I always use condoms, AND I still keep an emergency birth control pill right next to me (just in case) AND I make sure I time every sexual encounter on my least fertile days AND I encourage a partner to do a pull-out technique AND I’m still scared of unintended pregnancy… So far I have never been pregnant and I’m approaching my 40’s. . I’m scared of government as much as pregnancy itself- both terrify me…
Childfree life is so beautiful – it’s even better than I could imagine: I have no government telling me what to do with my money. I have no one to argue with about anything. It is so worth it! I love my life as it is.
Wow. I am a father who feels like the US Government is not my friend of mine. It doesnt care that I see my child,unless I pay them for their time. I had court order for my ex to bring me my child at the Sherrifs office and she rarely did. It got to a point in the city that the police department stopped accepting. Complaint reports for non custodial parents who were denied visitation rights. Where is the justice! All my ex wife wants is the money. My child is 13 and she is pyhsically fighting her mother and she doesnt want to see me. Her mother has brainwashed her against me. I pay $400 every 2 weeks. I was started back in 2010. I started with arrears right out the gate. Had to pay even though we were not divorced. I never harmed or hurt my daughter. My ex was an abusive violent woman. She made me to be out of my character. She committed a felony stealing my credit card and activating it when my daughter was 2. I could have had her put in prison. But.I didnt. Being a good man. I am college degreed good solid career man. But NO RESPECT AS A FATHER. Guess in 5 1/2 years when. Payments stop..my daughter will find me and call me a deadbeat. I only had a few visitatiions in last 10 years. This is a cruel world. Money runs it. And crooked law people dont care. Only God can judge me!
If you cannot afford your children you are not fit to be a parent. Child support is outdated as I spend twice as much time with my children as my father did. Parenting and supporting children is a privilege (not an right, or entitlement) that requires providing food and shelter. I’d say for every night a parent has the child it should pay the loosing parent for that privilege.
it should always be 50/50 and if for some reason its not- it should be reviewed every 3 months on why its not!
Child support should never be a way for the states to make money! its a racket
Equality right? Oh, but wait….they don’t always want it.
Why is it so sexistly assumed that a man has to be a bread winner? Or has to pursue better employment and higher wages for another human being, that refuses to better their own career? Why does one parent get to make their own choices that can lead to the demise of another? Why is it a normal that mothers can pursue a entry-level job for the entirety of a child’s childhood, while the father has to work two or three jobs to make his ends meet? While the mother works 30 hrs a week as a waitress, or on some other lazy pathetic entry level job? I’m stuck in this same mess with 6 different disabiltating illnesses, including tramitic brain injury. And my childs mother has used the government to make obtaining disability impossible for me? I do not get how one citizens rights to child support trumps my right as a disabled person, to get proper medical care, and care for myself as a disabled brain injury survivor? How is a disabled man supposed to take care of a child when they struggle to care for themselves? This whole situation screams of sexist discrimination, as well as discrimination of disabled adults, as well as child neglect as well, cause the children are every bit as involved in these situations as the parents. And the only real person who is suffering is the child! While the parents use the government to enforce punishments upon each other. These situations destroy children, as most mothers care less about their children than they do about punishing a man for leaving them, or not wanting them. Most women now days are ugly spiteful lazy people who do not want to put in the extra effort, or expect others to do so for them. Most women get pregnant at an early age to obtain these government gifted privileges to another person’s income. Most women make these choices young have no intentions to raise the child with the childs father in the childs life, they purposefully have these children to destroy anothers life to empower their own.
Not all woman are like that, that’s the equivalent of saying for example most men are deadbeat dads when that is not true there are many men out there that are good fathers just as there are many woman out there that are good mothers, you can’t stereotype a gender just because you are angry with the mother of your child. Also have some respect for people who work in the service industry just because someone is a waitress doesn’t make them pathetic. You know it’s not just fathers paying child support, mothers pay child support to. Whoever is the non custodial parent is the one who pays child support that’s not always the father and there is no need to complain about paying to support your child the money is for your child when it’s to help support your child there is no need to complain. Just as mothers who don’t have sole custody pay child support as well. And no if you can’t take care of yourself then you shouldn’t have children period. Because you have to be able to take care of yourself before you can take care of a child. Emphasis on the money is for the child, woman aren’t just out seeking child support just to take someone else’s income the money goes towards supporting the expenses of a child as children are not cheap, why should a single mom have to support children financially and the father not have to financially support them it goes both ways both parents should financially support the child period if one parent has sole custody and is incurring more expenses as a result of that it makes sense for the other parent to pay support to help financially support your own child it goes both ways it’s not just fathers paying child support mother’s pay child support also. Not all mothers are out to just seek the fathers money a lot of single moms work their buts off to provide for their children they make sacrifices for their children to give them the best life possible, you see a lot of single moms working full time and going back to school to further their education so that they can provide a better life for their child all the while they are doing all the work taking care of the child doing everything by themselves meanwhile the father is having no involvement because he wasn’t man enough to step up and be a parent in the child’s life. But not all men are like that, just like not all woman are out to just take another persons money, once again the money is not for the other person regardless of who is paying, the money is for the child period.
And then you have the women who get more than enough in child support so much that if they used every bit of that money for the child, as in my situation, they’d have a few thousands dollars left over to do with as they with for themselves…..and still bitch and moan…(all while refusing to get a job). My child support finally ends in about a year, and when that happens I will use it to help my kids in school….something their mother will not do.
Amen!!! My X gets plenty of support. So much so that she doesn’t want to get a job, and if she used every bit of my money for my kids’ portion of the living expenses, food, clothes, school expenses, etc. she’d still have a few thousand left over every year.
But she doesn’t use probably half of the money on their expenses, and still puts them up to ask me for money for things. Can’t wait until its over. She is going to be beside herself without her meal ticket, and my kids will found out they are of no use to her if I am not paying her money.
Exactly, ify. The child was made by two people and BOTH of them should support the child. Not just the father. You must be one of those entitled women who see your child as a meal ticket for yourself and will have no use for them once child support ends.
Disgusting
Forex trading market has been ruined and this company is no different. They have been deceiving people with lies of high returns on investments. Learned my lesson the hard way. Please try and do your research, you will definitely come across better and reliable forex trading agencies around you that would help you make profit and not steal from you. If you have been ripped-off by them you can report and make your case to a regulated crypto investigative unit who makes use to get money back, mxspy01 via google mail. They should be able to help
Oh God im so glad to see this article because ive been wondering the same thing for so long?
Ladies, you are not entitled to my pay. If you deny the father equal custody, and then you file for child support, you are literally a whore. You had sex for money. You didn’t do it to have a family, you did it so you would get a paycheck for 18 years. Now if Daddy takes off and wants nothing to do with the child, then you deserve the money since he is absent.
My ex wife, I caught getting nailed by a student of hers at a college that she teaches at in Michigan. He was aware of our marriage, pursued her during his divorce and we divorced. Now, she gets $1,067 a month from me. I wanted 50/50, she said no and our judge who is a single mother gave her what she wanted.
So basically I had children with a whore. I mean, if I would have knocked up a couple of strippers, I’d be in a better situation. Sure I’d still pay the support but I wouldn’t have lost my house that I purchased for my family.
Women like that are the reason for my hard road……dont hate all women, some of us had good dad’s, it’s the one wins one looses your stupid to play the game. They rob both mother’s and father’s …..and the kids to be honest.
I am against child support in some cases. I am the custodial parent of twins. My ex sees them now and then, which is why what the kids want. As soon as child support enforcement comes up, the ex wants 50;50 and to dump them at relative’s houses who wont care for the kids. The only reason is to save money, and that will just ruin the kids’ lives. This is the reality… the non custodial parent often weighs time with money. And then the kid gets treated like a monetary pawn.
lets try to make this simple…if you are unhappy in your relationship that involves kidd…you can simply leave that relationship and share the parenting time equally as well as share the financial responsibilties equally.
(“child support lifts women and children out of poverty”)
actually in general I don’t see the correlation, 52% of women who receive child support also receive welfare! I also don’t see the use in lifting women out of poverty for the sake of lifting women out of poverty especially when another person is getting plundered in the process with erroneous support obligations, if the support obligation is some how lifting women out of poverty in most cases then maybe the kids should be with the father because it sounds like he should get the kids for being more financially competent! This whole article is crap and of course most of the posts are pro child support, knocking productive people down to lift up lesser industrious people and then encouraging them not to work since they qualify for every government assistance program under the sun! I think the windfall of money is so great that our courts actually encourage divorce and custody battles over nothing more than money and it seems to be the case and their is plenty of evidence of it!
People have offered alternatives: the person who files for a no fault divorce has broken a contract and shown low moral character, and committee perjury by making a legal promise and breaking it for no reason.
That person doesn’t get the kids.
Problem solved.
As a father about to make a hard decision to leave his GF and son, I fully accept the responsibility to pay child support. Most important I still want to see my son but I need my peace of mind.