When two parents separate and they are unable to work out a mutually agreeable parenting plan for their family, they have no alternative but to go to Court seeking a child custody order. When that happens, the parents are putting the decision of their children’s future into the hands of a family law judge who must now decide what plan will be in the best interests of the children.
As one can imagine, such a determination is very difficult for the judge. Faced with allegations from each parent about how the other is unfit or neglectful, the judge must consider the evidence before him or her and come to a conclusion without having any actual firsthand personal knowledge or prior relationship with either parent or the children. To aid in their analysis, family law courts will often appoint child custody evaluators to assess each party’s claims and to come up with a recommended custodial plan.
Unfortunately, it is all too common that good parents end up being classified as unfit or neglectful based upon the following four simple and avoidable mistakes that are often made by parents who are in the midst of a child custody battle:
1. Getting Arrested
One of the clearest ways in which a custody litigant can show a family law judge that he or she is not a fit parent is by getting arrested while the custody dispute is pending. If a parent is arrested for a violent crime, even if they are not convicted or charged, they provide the other parent with ammunition to claim that the arrested parent has an anger management problem or propensity for violence. Such a finding by the judge will almost ensure that the parent will not be permitted to have unsupervised custodial time with the children.
In turn, if there are allegations of alcohol and/or substance abuse, then a parent’s arrest for a DUI/DWI or possession of narcotics will almost certainly confirm the allegation. And, if any of the children are present in the vehicle while the parent is driving while under the influence or in possession of the narcotics, then the violating parent’s chances of prevailing in the custody battle are lost.
2. Disobeying the Court’s Temporary Custody Orders
A common approach by the Court is to issue temporary interim custody orders at the onset of a divorce or paternity action, which will remain in place until there is a trial. Such interim orders can govern the physical timeshare of the children between the parties, the decision-making power of each parent, and other custody issues.
One of the worst mistakes that can be made by a parent is to disobey or disregard the Court’s temporary orders. For example, a parent may fail to return the children by a specific time on a specific day. Or, a parent may remove the children from the state without the permission of the other party or a court order allowing such removal. In either case, the other party will undoubtedly bring the matter to the Court’s attention to show that the violating parent does not respect the Court’s authority. Such a message is not well-taken by family law judges and will undoubtedly have an impact on their final decision.
3. Displaying Poor Judgement on Social Media
All too often, parents will turn to social media while in the midst of a custody battle to vent their frustrations, denigrate the other parent, or even just show their friends all of the fun they are having in their newly-single lives. However, social media is “social” and is not private. Often, the information and images posted on social media are available to the entire general public (which includes the other parent and his or her attorney).
Some of the best evidence of a parent having a substance abuse or alcohol problem can be provided through a “selfie” of the parent looking visibly intoxicated or in the act of using drugs. Furthermore, any posts in which the parent speaks poorly of the other parent, the other attorney, and/or the judge provide excellent ammunition to be used in court.
A good rule of thumb when it comes to social media is to never post something on social media that you would not be comfortable having a judge read or display in open court.
4. Refusing to Reasonably Communicate and Co-Parent with the Other Party
The fourth most common mistake occurs when a parent in the midst of a child custody battle refuses to communicate with or co-parent with the other parent. If parents cannot agree on joint legal custody, then the judge may look to see if one parent should have sole decision-making authority due to the other’s refusal or inability to co-parent. If that is the case, then a parent who refuses to communicate with the other about the children runs the risk of being deemed the “problem” parent who should not be given a say in the important legal custody decisions pertaining to the children.
The best course of action for a parent is to present him or herself as a cooperative and reasonable adult who is trying his or her best to work with the other parent, to maintain an open line of communication regarding the children, and to maintain an air of cooperation when it comes to making decisions about the children’s well-being.
yes I agree with this article…
Matthew: I couldn’t agree with you more. Your article is brilliant. There is so much to consider when you are either considering a divorce or already involved in one when it comes to the entire concept of communication and communication as it relates to a world driven by the Internet and Social Media. The advent of the Internet has made repercussions and consequences to anger-fueled comments, motivations and actions far more prevalent and common. People need to understand that there are steep and hefty consequences to any and all communication and nothing happens in a vacuum anymore. Communication is very key, but sadly the advent of Social Media has created an outlet where angry and detrimental communications are far too easy to vent and share. People need to realize that what happens on the Internet does, in fact, stay on the Internet FOREVER. Secondly, they need to realize that their angry outbursts on Social Media can torpedo their case given that nothing on Social Media happens in a vacuum. Where it used to be that a divorce was between the parties, parties counsel and the Court, it is now between the parties, parties, counsel, the Court, and anyone who has a Social Media account connected to the parties. People forget that in today’s technological world your business is no longer just your business especially if you open yourself up online.
I love seeing websites that understand the value of providing a quality resource for free.
I am agree with this article, These are the most common mistakes which done during a child custody. Have a look on BikLaw.com Regarding laws.
The pointers you have mentioned about not obeying child custody laws are very true. We often make these kind of mistakes but didn’t realise that time. Thanks for sharing above post. I will definitely share this blog with my friends having child custody battle. Nice Blog post!
I Agree your Article. Firstly Parents needs to provide proper documentation and Secondly they prove that they are capable to provide full-time care for the child. Our minor mistakes creates lots of problem.
What about when my soon to be ex leaves my children home at nite with my oldest who just tuned 17 with my 10 year old and five year old and doesn’t return until the morning almost every nite unless they are with me.is that fair? I don’t care what she does or who with the point my kids are by themselves I just don’t understand. HELP!
Most of the divorce cases takes forever to settle because of custody battle. Once they finalized and one parent win the battle and other loses. It leaves negative impact on losing parent. Losing parents goes through so much dilemma for not getting right for children. Court proceeding and tensions for custody battle is the most difficult aspect of divorce (Bohman, 2017).
As a recently divorced father and losing the custody battle for my daughters. I think it is very import that both parents should get joint custody for their children. Court should have joint custody procedure for both parents. Unless single custody is provided by other parents by choice.
It will be healthy for children development, and it will have less negative impact on families.
According to author Bohman from “Parental separation in childhood
as a risk factor for depression in adulthood” having joint custody makes a big impact on children development and makes less stressful for both parents. When parents stay closer to child even though they are divorced but it makes big difference on individual lives (McConville, 2013).
Court system should review every cases for the benefit of children not parents. Children should be on top list for everything. I agree custody battle is very important for parents and every parents should get joint custody rights for their children
References:
Bohman, H., Laftman, S. B., Pareen, A., & Jonsson, U. (2017). Parental separation in childhood
as a risk factor for depression in adulthood: A community-based study of adolescents screened for depression and followed up after 15 years. BMC Psychiatry, 171-11. Doi: 10.1186/s 12888-017-1252-z
McConville, D. (2013). Treating children in families of divorce. Brown University Child & Adolescent Behavior. Letter, 29(12), 1-5
amen and this is going on right now in my own family but I am on outside looking in and absolutely do not know everything that is taking place and just as well b/c I am so misunderstood and “black sheep of the fam” – and I am the great grandmother or in the eyes of the others NOT SO GREAT grandma…. smh…… prayer is much needed.
I need help. Let me give a little background. I had been struggling with addiction and unemployment and my husband and I seperated. I was left with no means or even the ability to support our child and he and his mother pretty much took over custody. Flash forward almost a year, I’m doing really well, have a car, working full time, in recovery, have a permanent residence. I want my daughter. I went to DSS, no help whatsoever. Was told to get a lawyer. Went to a family lawyer and need a $1000 retainer which i absolutely don’t have on a women’s waitress salary. Please help. I feel so hopeless. Nothing is in paper on custody at all but I don’t know what to do and can’t seem to find anyone interested in helping me. Thanks so much for your time.
you should have thought of your little girl when you loved those substances more than her. you think if the man did what you did he would get his kids back because he all of a sudden wants to now? probably your free covid unemployment ran out so youre looking to use her as a meal ticket with child support. the judge will see through you as she did in my case against my daughters mother, who is using again, suprise…. you dont deserve to rip her out of her home and school and her secure routine with a loving daddy. you made your bed, pay your child support and mabye have supervised visits every other weekend for a while. not gonna get it all at once, nor should you. you neglected her, and emotionally damaged her. go away
well done, this very important to make awareness about child custody in today’s society,
keep up the good work.
The laws must be changed to not be completely biased against men!
can a parent take a child out of schoo a day eary by court orde