It’s hard to recover from a divorce. Everyone who goes through one feels broken and lost during the first few months, or even after years of trying put their life back on track. We all hope for a long and lasting relationships with the person we love. No one ever goes into a relationship and just expects it to fail. Although we all know that there is always that possibility, nothing would ever prepare you for the pain that divorce can cause you and your family.
But life has to go on, and you cannot allow your divorce to ruin all the good things that you still can do with your life. Here are some steps to consider.
10 Steps to Recover from a Divorce
1. Do not hesitate to ask for help
Do not bottle up all your feelings and pretend that you are okay, if you are not deep inside. The people around you may not understand completely what you are going through, but it would help you a lot if you had someone around to support you through this difficult time. Surround yourself with family and friends who love you and would be willing to help you get back on your feet.
If needed, go see a therapist who can guide you in finding yourself again and help you in getting your life back on track.
2. Declutter
To help you forget the painful memories of your broken marriage, you should learn to let go of some things that will remind you of them. Dispose of all these as you also start to clear your mind of negative thoughts.
3. Keep yourself busy
It will take some time to recover from the emotional trauma caused by a divorce. Going through every day as you did before may not be ideal because you will just be reminded of the times you were still with your spouse. To prevent yourself from dwelling on those painful memories, keep yourself busy.
Some people distract themselves by putting most of their time and effort on work. Others do it by taking on new activities and hobbies where they can meet new people and experience new things. Do whatever it takes to get your mind off your problems.
4. Find yourself again
If you have been married for a long time, it may take some time to adjust to being single again. Instead of dwelling on regret about the things you gave up or the things you were not able to do during your failed marriage, take this opportunity to find yourself again and do the things you really wanted for yourself. Go for that one thing you are most passionate about.
5. Take the time to travel
A change of environment can help you with the healing process, so if you have a chance to travel, whether as a vacation or on a long-term basis, do it! If you are given the opportunity to move to a new city or country, this would be the best time to do it. It will give you a chance to start anew.
6. Give it time
They say that time heals all pain. Although some people claim that the heartache never really goes away. You just learn to deal with it through time. Either way, take it one day at a time and hopefully someday you will realize that you are ready to move on.
7. Things happen for a reason
A failed marriage is not the end of the world. Everything happens for a reason. You may not understand it now, but someday you will look back on this experience and you will realize why it had to happen.
8. Find your focus
Instead of dwelling on anger and hate, try to focus your attention to the things that should matter to you at the moment. If you have kids, make them your inspiration to work hard and give them what they need. If you do not have kids, then maybe it’s time you focused on a goal that you have always wanted to achieve that you never got the chance to pursue.
9. Try to forgive
Holding onto a grudge will not help you at all. It is normal to feel all the negative feelings that come after getting a divorce, but you have to try to forgive yourself first. Do not blame yourself for your failed marriage. There are many reasons why things happened the way they did, but holding onto regret will only pull you down.
10. Don’t close your door to love
Lastly, as you recover from divorce, don’t close the door to love and throw away the key! Allow yourself to meet new people and be open to the chance of falling in love again. Divorce is not the end of your life. Don’t allow your fears to prevent you from finding your happiness.
When it’s over When you split up, you may find it very hard to let go of your ex-partner. This often happens when one partner is keener to end a relationship than the other. If the relationship is really over, learning to let go is important.
Everyday feels like I’m wading through water to do all the things I need to do. Sometimes it comes up to my neck and I think I’m going to drown. Even with distractions and keeping busy, I’m just going though them half blind, relying on muscle memory. And unfortunately, this is only the beginning.
I can’t cope with the pain of my break up. Can’t eat or sleep, I feel depressed. Can’t sleep without the sleeping pills or wine. And to make things worse I think I’m getting addicted to them. How can I make myself feel better and sleep better?
Jayce, I see you just posted this a couple of weeks ago. How are you doing now? I am currently going through a divorce, as well.
This is the worst pain ive ever felt in my life, i try so hard for my marriage but unfortunately can’t work out when is just one person trying, that’s why I took the decision to ended.
My stomach hurts, I can’t eat, Ive lost so much weight, can’t sleep, I have anxiety and nervous attacks
I am going through the same too. It’s not an easy thing to do when you love the person so much. I have always been fighting a battle on my own. Than finally I decided that its best for me to let go.
Good decision
How do you let go is the question?
At this point I’m not sure what it’s worst.
After a year and missing him more like ever….
Are you over it the divorce? I just don’t want to hurt forever…
Its only been 8 months for me but is like it just happened. Im homesick and I missed my life even though there was nothing else I could have done to try to save it. My Last resource was to set him free to be happy maybe he would return to me but that wasn’t the case.. I’m starting to believe my ex mother in-law when she said that I was his cause of depression and unhappiness. I want him to be happy an find what I didn’t give him. I had hoped that maybe he would realize that I was his happiness.
People can’t be your happiness. You have to know how make yourself happy otherwise you’ll blame your partner when they’re not the source of your joy anymore. But I get the homesickness. I miss my house and family bubble and have a lot of trouble coping on some days. Lack of focus and motivation.
Hi all, it’s been 4.5 years since my divorce and I am still working on healing. I came across this website today and have to say I am glad I did. Lately, I have felt the stinging pain of the divorce due to harsh comments from my ex that has hit me deep. It has lately caused a few weeks of lack of sleep and eating, but now I know I have not fully let go. So, today, I have chosen to forgive my ex and also myself as it feels right. I am going to declutter and not hang on to those old memories any longer. This is not the end of my story. I see a happy and healthier new beginning.
Ellie, it sounds like you are a giver and he is a taker. I bet if you look back he has always been depressed. He is a narsasist. You no longer could fill his unfillable desire to be God. He will never be sorry and his mother is just as sick as he is. Read more on narsasist and gas lighting and know you are not the problem. He can not LOVE the agape love. He is crazy to not value your love. HE is sick but do not pity him. See a counselor that will help you see you are lucky he left.
He has not valued you as he should have. You are great! And have the spirit of giving. Try not to be taken advantage of again. A counselor will help.
I’ve been married to a narcissist for 26 years. I’ve lived with his lies and mind games for too long. I just discovered he’s been texting and meeting for coffee with a woman for the past 3 years. I don’t know what else there is in that relationship, but he’s been keeping it a secret, so I suspect there is more. I am just recovering from cancer and many other health complications I went through all of last year. He took amazing care of me throughout my illness. He gave me hope and I was so happy, but now I know it was all a lie. The thing is that I know that I have to end this relationship. I’ve tried before , but I am never able to go through with it. I need help to stop believing in his fake apologies and repentance . I cannot help him and I know nothing will ever change, yet I have such a hard time letting go of my fantasy of a happy marriage. I have 4 grown children and they agree that it’s time to walk away, but I’m still holding on to hope somehow. I feel like I’m addicted to this toxic relationship. How do I maintain myself firm on my resolve?
Your story sounds alot like mine. I was in the hospital for a terminal cancer diagnosis. My husband took wonderful care of me when I came home, then without even telling me he filed for divorce after a twenty five year marraige. He had been chatting with beautiful ukranian women looking for generous men since I was hospitalized! Now he is flying over to europe to meet girlfriends/bride. I am left with cancer,alone and struggling through divorce. I’m sure I will survive, but its really hard.
Judy am sorry to hear that. Hope ur feeling better
Judy, that’s just too much. so sorry. How are you doing now?
I was in along term relationship for more than 5 years we never got married but I felt we were and lived together for more than 4.5 years. My partner told me he still loves but as friends and he is can’t stop thinking about being with other people. that hurts my feelings a lot and we both moved out. He kept the both dogs and now I feel I lost the family that I had. I immigrated the USA and I don’t family here. now I feel lonely and I miss him a lot, but it was his decision to leave. I made short and long term goals for my self to get in abetter shape and stay busy. The idea of being with other people is very difficult for me to accept. Our relationship wasn’t prefect, but it wasn’t bad at all. Maybe if I let him explore other options he will come back to me later.
Hey GD, I had a very similar thing happen to me about 8 months ago. It took quite a while before I could accept that things had changed and my fiance didn’t love me romantically anymore. There’s not an easy way to deal with it. I still love and miss her, but I know that there’s nothing left for us and I’m taking steps to figure out who I am and what I want to do moving forward. As long as you hold onto the idea that he might come back it will be much harder to move past it all and live the happy life that you deserve. I hope that you understand that your feelings and emotions are valid and it isn’t your fault that you feel this way. You will find happiness.
Hi. It is really a challenge especially when children are involved. The world turns upside down. The experienced persons say in time all will be well. But it is as if time cannot come soon enough. I suspect it is one day at a time. The pain just does not seem to go away. I am just 4 months in so it is possible that I am expecting too much too quickly. I do believe that time will hlp
2 months in here – and I was the one who instigated the separation after ten years. Trying to do what’s right for me but am sinking into depression. One day at a time. But my god it is so hard. I have never felt such guilt and sadness.
As a Father my experiences of difficulty is how a Mother (whom is kind of a good person) brainwashes the children against their father. My heart is broken. I love my children even after I tolerated the mother for 21 years. I remained because I wanted to be with my children.
My marriage is not a failed marriage, but it came to a conclusion. Their is no failure upon having invested one’s life into a contract. It is sad for me and I find myself without a partner, but my previous investment was not a failure. We and our children gain in life. I move forward with looking for social support.
It’s terrible, I miss her and it’s all my fault. I just wish I could disappear. I just want to be numb so I can get past it.
I was married 37 years when my wife separated from me then divorced me 7 years later. My life is still a mess. I feel so lonely. I’m afraid to start a new relationship I have never felt pain so intense even though it has been so long. I’m 74 how do you start over at 74 ?
I have been with my wife for thirty years and married for 25 I am filing for divorce on Tuesday that is what she wants. I am a former alcoholic who is five years sober come September I quit drinking to save my marriage and not set a bad example for our children . I hurt her during those years I was consumed with myself after the loss of my father. I should have reached out to her I never realized she was my best friend until it was too late. I would anything give to go back and change it. I having a hard time coping. She found someone and it hurts. I try to talk issues with the kids but every time I talk to her those feelings come back. I would give anything to hold her again I missed the signs with her. I was going to church struggling with my love and commitment to the lord, I wish I had been paying attention to her needs. I anyone has been through this experience I would like to hear your story and how you come with it.
Happiness is external. “Happy” sounds like it is connected to “happen”. As in, something (like a relationship) must happen, in order for someone to be happy. Ha! When one person leaves – when the relationship stops happening – she takes the other person’s happiness with her. Joy is internal… We can have joy, whether anything “happens” or not. Joy is long lasting. Happiness is fools gold.
my heart is hurting
My wife and I have been married for 15 years together almost 17. I guess alcohol was factor she’s been trying to get me to quit .I finally quit and we decided that things weren’t right between us so we separated we both agree it was right .I went through some hard times and alcohol seems to be the one thing that i felt got me through everything. she’s been with me understanding trying to help me and I just wouldn’t let her in .I failed to be there for her as a husband now I’ve lost her. last week is when we decided to do the divorce and like I said it’s what we both want and I’m having a hard time .I see things that she posts and I lash out at her I leaving her upset at work making her and I hurt more and feel like crap but it’s what I wanted so why do I do these things I do absolutely love her but I don’t want to reconcile .I’m still going through this in my head and I’m destroying her and myself it’s hard to look at 16 years . what do I do now I walked away left her and our children everything. I’m 50 I feel like there’s nothing left for me but to sit and wait for my end. my heart is hurting
Forgive yourself, the person you look at in the mirror is the only one that can make you happy. Divorce is an opportunity to evaluate what fulfills your life, a chance for inward reflection and self improvement. Everyone, whether you or you spouse initiates the divorce, has to go thru the emotional stages. Allow that to happen but don’t let yourself stay in those stages. It’s a time to pull out your inner strength and move on. There are tons of healthy articles on how to survive a divorce, read them. Look at it as not just the ending but a new beginning!