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(for women who need a laugh, and men who can handle it) Woman’s Perfect Breakfast She’s sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee. And her husband is on the back of the milk carton. ***** Women’s Revenge “Cash, check or charge?” I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. “So, do you always carry your TV remote?” I asked. “No,” she replied, “but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.” ***** Understanding Women (A man’s perspective) I don’t understand women. ***** Cigarettes and Tampons A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter. She says, confused, “Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?” He answers, “You see, it’s like this. Yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers, ’cause it’s so much cheaper. So, I figure if I have to roll my own, so does she.” ***** Wife vs. Husband A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, “Relatives of yours?” “Yep,” the wife replied, “in-laws.” ***** Words A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day: 30,000 to a man’s 15,000. The wife replied, “The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men.” The husband then turned to his wife and asked, “What?” ***** Creation A man said to his wife one day, “I don’t know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.” The wife responded, “Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you.” ***** Who Does What A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, “You should do it because you get up first; then we don’t have to wait as long to get our coffee.” The husband said, “You are in charge of cooking around here. So you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.” Wife replies, “No, you should do it. And besides, it’s in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.” Husband replies, “I can’t believe that. Show me.” So she fetched the Bible, opened the New Testament, and showed him at the top of several pages: “HEBREWS”. ***** The Silent Treatment A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. The man remembered that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 a.m. for an early-morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence, he wrote on a piece of paper, “Please wake me at 5:00 a.m.” He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 a.m. and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn’t wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, “It is 5:00 a.m. Wake up.” ***** Creation II God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece. |
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