How do you break the news about divorce?
Telling your mate you want a separation or divorce is a moment of truth, and every individual I interviewed remembers precise details about this instant. In my case, we were vacationing in Lake Tahoe when I told my husband.
We sat looking at the clear blue water, at our kayak tied to the dock, and ducks bobbing on the surface. And then I broke the stillness by saying, “I think we should separate for a while and see what happens. I need space to find out who I am and what I want. I need to leave when we get back home.” I said a few other things, to make it sound less final, less threatening, and less hurtful. As I spoke, I felt strong and exhilarated to finally break the news about divorce to my husband. I felt terrified as well.
Candace, now divorced for seven years, says of her leaving speech: “I felt mixed emotions when I said to Lenny, ‘I’m leaving and taking the children with me,’ because I still loved him; I still love him to this day. But for three years I tried to get him to come to therapy with me. I tried to get him into rehab for his addictions, but he would not go. He wouldn’t look at his part. I feel I did everything to try to make my marriage work.
Finally, I had to get out of there. Right before I left I had a dream or vision that said I was going to die if I did not leave. I left to save my life in a way.” Ironically, Candace is now a therapist who works with people with addictions. As a therapist, her advice to those who are preparing to leave a marriage is, “Be honest. Tell the truth as long as you are safe to do so. Say: ‘I’m leaving. This is what I need to do for me. I think it is the best thing for both of us at this time.'”
Words You Can Use to Break the News About Divorce Responsibly
Depending on whether you are preparing to leave, wanting a trial separation, or you have made the decision to divorce, your choice dictates the degree of finality in your words. The following scripts make this progression clear:
1. How to Break the News if You’re Preparing to Leave
In an ideal situation, both parties are open and agreeable, very adult and willing to listen calmly. In a more realistic scene, one spouse is dissatisfied and the other thinks things are fine – or is less invested in changing the status quo. It can be scary to tell your husband or wife that you have been thinking about leaving. This is why it’s good to write in your journal, talk with someone, and do some planning, before communicating with your partner.
“I’ve been thinking a great deal about our relationship and I think it might be best to separate for a while. I don’t have any timeline in mind, but I’d like to talk about it.”
“Our relationship doesn’t seem to be improving. We’ve tried a lot of things, we have been talking more, and I’m not sure it’s better. What do you think about a separation?”
2. How to Break the News if You Want a Trial Separation
“I need some time and space to sort out my feelings about our relationship. I can’t seem to get this perspective while we’re living together. I just feel more confused. Maybe if we live separately for a while, we can get centered, continue to go to therapy, and be able to sort things out.”
“For now, I think the best thing is to separate. It’s just not working while we live together. Maybe some time apart will help each of us sort out our feelings and what we want.”
“Living together right now is just not working. We don’t seem to have the perspective or ability to understand the problem or each other. It might be best if we live separately right now.”
How you say this depends on the desired outcome. Do you want the separation in order to eventually reconcile, or is the separation a stepping stone to divorce? You may not know the answer at this point. Some couples begin a separation in order to gain useful tools to negotiate a reconciliation. Others buy time with a trial separation because it’s too hard emotionally or financially to file for divorce immediately. They are taking the first step towards dissolution. You just need to take one step at a time, consciously choosing from a place of inner truth.
“I want a divorce.” Millions of people have used this phrase: some at the height of an argument, others after months or even years of working on the marriage.
3. How to Break the News if You’re Asking/Being Asked for a Divorce
If your spouse is asking for a divorce, and the two of you have not discussed your issues, have not talked with a marriage counselor, or haven’t tried some of the other options – such as an in-house separation – then suggest to your spouse that it is premature. If your spouse will not negotiate and insists on leaving and filing for divorce, there may not be much you can do to change his or her mind.
Jessie, who is currently separated from her husband Mel after four years of marriage, is in this situation. Mel would not return her calls, and when she finally reached him, he said, “I don’t want to be with you. I want a divorce.”
On the other hand, if you are the one who wants a divorce, and you are certain that this is what you need to do, then you can say something like: “We have exhausted every option. We have tried everything to make this marriage work, but I don’t see any other choice but to divorce.”
Striving for “Right Relations”
As a free individual, you have the option to do whatever you want. You don’t have to be conscious. You don’t have to explore all options. You can just say you want a divorce. My belief, however, is that as human beings we have a higher consciousness; we have choices, and every action has a corresponding reaction. If we want “right relations” with others, then we need to think carefully about our choices and strive to harm no one in the process. I believe we should attempt to be conscious every moment, for the choices we make in the present will affect our lives in the future.
Part of my reason for writing about “right relations” is that I didn’t always behave responsibly during my divorce, and it has taken a few years to make up for my behavior. After trying to make amends to my former husband several times, and showing kindness to him in words and deeds, our relationship is once again based on trust and friendship. But to be honest, while leaving my marriage, I often deliberately hurt his feelings. I was not tactful when telling him I was leaving, I was greedy about what I wanted from the house, and I left him with the responsibility for our son and the upkeep of our large home. In other words, I behaved selfishly. This doesn’t mean I should have taken full responsibility for our marital problems, nor that I should have stayed in the marriage. How he treated me – especially his absence and neglect – in part, caused me to be cruel out of anger and retaliation. However, I wish I could have been more aware of the effect of my actions and words on everyone. Hopefully, you can learn from these mistakes.
This article was excerpted and edited with permission from the book Conscious Divorce: Ending a Marriage with Integrity (Three Rivers Press, 2001) by Susan Allison, Ph.D. With a Ph.D. in Transpersonal Psychology, Dr. Susan has a private practice with individuals and groups to bring about healing using traditional therapies, hypnosis, process therapy, shamanic journey, and energy medicine. www.drsusanallison.com.
alfred says
My wife’s way was to hand me divorce papers (with no prior discussion about divorce) and leave 3 hours later to live half a day’s drive away with her family, after speaking for 15 minutes with our two college age kids (one who still lives with me), and telling them that she would never return to the house or to the area. She refused to talk to me at all, told me to talk to her lawyer instead, and said that she never wanted to see me again (no violence here, by the way).
I had to settle the kids down, who felt abandoned. With my prodding, my daughter eventually called her mother after a few days. My son hasn’t (after two months), and she hasn’t tried to call him.
Leave in a huff, and you’ll pay for it. You’ll estrange your kids, and make it difficult for you to co-parent with your spouse.
Telling someone you’re divorcing can be done with some level of decorum.
Martha Chan says
I totally agree with you Alfred. I am glad you are encouraging your children to contact their mom. They will do it in their own time, but you have made it possible for them. What an example. Thanks for sharing.
Lynette Jacobs says
Thank you for this article. It was the honesty that I needed. I am in the place where I will be communicating my need for a separation. After three years of marriage, I have tried to get my husband to engage in our marriage. It has been a roller coaster of emotions and honestly we both have not been the best to each other. He was more interested in his work and I became angry and resentful. He has two children from a previous marriage that I love dearly but it was always work over the girls, our marriage or my needs. I was often left to care for them on “our weekend” without prior notice of his business commitments. I have gone so long not having a true partner or someone to pay attention to my needs that I don’t feel connected to our marriage. Being at odds has driven me to be apathetic towards our marriage. It saddens me to feel this way, but I find myself disengaged. I still see a handsome, loyal and driven person but in the end I have grown apart from my husband. I know I need to have the conversation and tell him my truth. I need to do this for me . I have to take care of myself and reinvest in my healing but reading your article has helped me separate my emotion from the conversation so that I am not blaming but speaking my truth
Anonymous says
Sounds like my marriage today. How did it go for you?
Vicki says
Lynette, How did it go and your words echo and mirror my life, although you are moving on in a much shorter period of time. I read recently in Lundy Bancroft book that it’s not a “failed marriage” but rather a “completed marriage.”
Erin (girl) says
OMG! If I didn’t know any better Mystique, I would think that your post was my own that I was reading. Has your situation changed since then or have you taken any action? I have a similar situation, minus a common child between us. We both had kids prior to getting married and have not had any together. Some would say that makes it easier and I would agree but there are still a lot of other things that have to be taken into consideration as well. I am struggling with the words to say to someone that I have been married to for three years and lived together for five. There is not an easy way to break the news to someone and still feel like you are maintaining your integrity. Please advise.
Anonymous says
I DID IT! I finally DID IT!! I separated from my husband in September 2015 and moved out. I had to live with him until then as I had started a new job and had to wait for my first monthly paycheck. Our divorce was final in Jan! I have a comfy 1-bedroom apt that my son and I share.
I felt so guilty for leaving for breaking up a marriage, that I agreed to not touch his retirement, asked for no alimony or child support. We have joint custody of our son. It was a difficult adjustment for son who is now 5, but he is fine now.
I am MUCH happier! I can finally be myself!! I’m working out, have a great but stressful job, a social life….
My ex still wants me back, but I’ve moved on and couldn’t be happier. I hope he meets someone else so he has less time to text or call me.
Thank you so much to all of you for taking an interest in my stiry! I wish you the best!!
Anonymous says
Were you scared at first because I want to do the same thing but my husband has taken care of me for 29 years and I finally have a full time job with decent pay and I’m ready to move on?
Anonymous says
I’m the same, I have been married for 25 years & just waiting for my youngest to finish grade 12. Have tried to have the conversation but getting no where. Just hard to make that final step.
Nikki s West says
Thank you for sharing your story. I am preparing to have the talk and although he had the affair I walked around with all of the guilt. I am healing and ready to remove myself from this toxic situation and I loved to hear about how much happier you are!!
Anonymous says
I’m feel like I’m in the same situation! Our children are grown & on their own there are alot of details I could get into but situation pretty much the same, married for over 30yrs and scared to death to tell my husband I’m no longer in love with him & I want the marriage to be over. Help!
Jue says
I am in the same situation, been together 32 years, we moved 200 miles away from our home town. My son has our grandson 3ys we’ve missed slot of him. My daughter lives in our home town and has our 4 MTH granddaughter. I have had a breakdown and haven’t worked for 2.5 years, i don’t know many people but have a befriender through MIND.
I’m so scared to tell him I want a divorce (police & womens aid have been involved) . I tried the cowards way, had a cardiac arrest but was brought back using a defibrillator . I have got to face it as I am not missing out on another grandchild.
Janet Rose Marschall says
I am “celebrating” our 40th wedding Anniversary, this weekend. I feel ambivalent about the whole marriage. I get anxiety when I think of talking about it. He lied to me and put us in $133,000 debt. He Quit deeded the property to me and we are Legally Separated.
I am 62 and worked for free for this man in his medical office. I cannot find work I like on top of all if this. He lost his medical license. The office is on our 3 acres. It is really difficult when your source of income is in twined with your home.
Where do you woman get the courage to get up and go? I own the 3 acres…with a debt for a new septic system, soon to be put in. How do I know what to fo: sell, rent out office and more rooms in house?
cindy says
we are not married at this time have been living together for 16 years this time. We got married in 1967 divorced 5 years later. then reconciled after a few years and remarried again. Then he married another women and I married another man. Then after 10 years we got back together and tried living together instead of marriage, after a few years that didn’t work either, so this time we are back together unmarried for 16 years. I am going to therapy and I am making arrangements for housing, I haven’t told him that I am leaving, he is just unwilling to change his behavior, everyone thinks he is a good man and that I shouldn’t even be thinking of leaving him. But I have to take care of myself, I need that emotional attachment which he can’t give. thanks for letting me share.
Janet Rose Marschall says
Read “When loving him hurts you.”
Lora says
I want to divorce my husband who hasn’t worked for 8+years i feel really guilty since I’m not sure where he will go. I’m afraid he will be homeless. This is the main reason I haven’t gone through with it. Any advice. I’m ready to move on with my life. I am sole provider and own my home . (Loan is under my name . I want him to leave. I want to stay in my home..
Anonymous says
Lora,
I hope things worked out for you. I am in similar situation house wise.
christy jamie says
please let him stay please. just love your husband like your self, you dont know what will happen next, please love your husband
Selfish but warranted says
Lora, Same issue for me its a mess and we have a 9 year old , and I want to end it cause he wont work was jealous and abusive for 7 years and neglected me and now is trying to grasp onto me like a lifeboat because I won’t give into him anymore. I want out but i dont want it messy cops, homeless father of my child that doesn’t work or cause him to meltdown … it’s scary
Confused .... says
Mystique…I feel like you write my feelings down…can I ask how things have gone since then…??G
Frenchie says
I am in the same boat as you Mystique, except that we have a 4 year old daughter. He is such a great father but I am not in love with him anymore. He has said some really mean things to me in the past when he was angry (in front of our daughter). He has never protected me with his parents when they were overstepping their boundaries. He is emotionally withdrawn for a long time. He is a good looking guy but I don’t want him to touch me and I can’t stand the way he even smells anymore. I need to get out because I don’t want to live like this anymore. Were you able to get out of your marriage?
Mal says
I hope you are doing well now. I see this has been almost a year to the date and I feel very much the same in my situation. Good to read your words and not feel so alone.
Anonymous says
Hello Mystique,
How did you wanting a separation turn out. I am currently in this position. My husband hurt me so many times in the past and I learned to forgive and move on but now I do not feel the same about him. Now that he wants to try, I can not get myself on board to try with him. It hurts me and also makes me feel guilty. He still has his selfish ways now that I am not wrapped up and consumed in him, now I actually want to live my life. I really need some advice. Please help! Thanks so much! (Asia)
Anonymous says
I would LOVE to know how thing went for you also. I plan to tell my husband tonight and am desperate for guidance! You sound like you could be telling my story. Please share where you are now. Thank you.
Anonymous says
I’m in the same boat too. I’ve been married for 11 years, with my husband for 15, and we have two kids. After years of binge drinking and verbal abuse, he’s finally attempting to make changes for the better. But only bc he searched my email and found correspondence with a lawyer. I should be happy that he’s attempting to make things better, but his attempts are only halfway and still blaming me for much of our troubles. And I feel like the main difficulty that I’m having is that it’s just too little too late. It’s making me remember all of the horrible things he has said and done over the years and I just don’t want to be sucked into this mess again. It was so hard to get a foot out the door, and I just want to keep going. It’s the guilt over the kids and the guilt over leaving when he’s finally trying that keeps me stuck. I don’t want to waste my life anymore. I want a chance at a better life, even if I end up alone.
Anonymous says
Did you leave and how? Same type of situation but only verbal abuse and some aggression, have 4 kids been together for 23 years and I’m ready to leave.
Anna says
Did you ever get out? I wish I had the strength to leave
Anonymous says
I am in the beginning of divorce and is very painful so far, so stressful.I just want my way out. After several times of threat to leave the marriage we are in a point where my husband will file for divorce in my back, I discovered by accident looking at his emails, surprising he acted like nothing happened but he confessed couple days ago when I confront him about it, he doesn’t love me or wants to be with me anymore. I was very clear with him that I will agree whatever he wants to do and end in good terms, but he wants to do his way, I don’t know why he is acting like that, I feel ashamed for the mistakes I made in the past, nothing related with affairs just lack of respect, lack of effective communication, no having a close relationship with his family (no conflict there though). I don’t think I was 100% responsible of the failing but even though i feel very guilty. I want peace in my mind and my life. how did you cope with these feelings?
to make things worse because i have never been close to his family i discover they think im the witch of the story, i dont care much about them but cannot avoid feel guilty and ashamed of myself. I dont like this feeling, and or this time of my life!! =(
i really need to talk it out with someone.
Janet Rose Marschall says
Guilt is often what stops me. I am going on 3 years of watching and ei SD Hong I had the strength for a real legal Separation. We have an office on our 3 acres with full kitchen and shower. I lived there for 9 months, but would get lonely and watch tv, go bike riding, listen to music etc on weekends.
Has anyone else just been like companions?
No affectation…just friends, but not friends. It is like he has do low expectations for intimacy. ….too. Is it really better to be alone? How do you figure that out?
Anonymous says
Janet Rose. I am in a similar situation and I feel as though we are roommates. Friends but not friends. I care for his well being but as for him he will not cook for me or get me something to drink. Eventhough i am the only one working. Nor does he do any house work. He fills his day doing his own projects not making any money. He never asks sbout how my day went or if im tired. As im writing this im realizing how stupid i am. But the bad part is you cant help who you fall in love with. Gor me it is better to be alone
Sam says
I’m planning on having the conversation on Saturday. I’m scared and Im nervous. What if I’m making a huge mistake? He’s a good guy. He’s a great father to our two year old. He has payed all the bills and the mortgage since we moved in to the house. We’ve been married for 10 years, together for 11. I’ve been thinking of leaving for a while now but only recently have built up the courage to go. We’ve been to counselling, individual and couples. I’ve told him during arguments and discussions that I want to leave. Our lives are so separate now. We live in the same house but lead two different lives. Our kid is the only thing that binds us. I need to just calm down and do it. It has to end so that we can start over. I just know that if I don’t do it now, I am going to do it when my kid leave and I don’t want them thinking the way we interact is how a marriage should be. Please feel free to email me.
Nic says
Im in the same boat. I have spoken to my mum and got told to think how this will affect the family. I feel guilty as all i want is to feel happy and loved. He has no idea. We have no interest the same and he hasnt made me lol in soo long. I have been playing with my thoughts for months. Soo hard to split the family up but i just want to feel loved and happy. Is that bad?
Anonymous says
How did you ask and how did it go? I have no clue how to start. I will always love him but I’m not in love with him. My main concern for now is our business we run together. He has crossed lines he should have never crossed and no matter how much I try or he apologizes…. I can’t forgive him.
Anonymous says
Hello how did it turn out? What’s your life like now?
Anonymous says
Updates please
Anonymous says
Mystique, you may be my hero. 🙂 I’ve been with my husband for 19 years. I love him very much but have zero interest in remaining with him. I spent a year away from him while in the military and it was the BEST year living alone without him. He’s not an addict or drunk, he doesn’t hit me or treat me poorly except for his ultra short fuse temper. He screams at the top of his voice at me and claims it’s the only way to get my attention. So I shut down and don’t listen at all. I’ve mentioned counseling and his response is, “You don’t want to hear what I have to say.” We have two boys together and one wants to leave with me because he can’t take his dad screaming at him any longer. I have moved out of our bedroom and have been in a separate room for close to a year now. He just lost his job and can’t afford the house and all it’s utilities and such without me. I can easily afford to buy a house for myself and son. He has been much better about his yelling and hasn’t yelled at me for a few months now. But I still don’t want to stay and am feeling horribly guilty for wanting to leave. Especially now. My other son just tears up when I mention the idea of leaving. I don’t think he wants to move away with me, but he hasn’t come out to say it. I’m torn…G
Cynthia says
I’m in a relationship/marriage and have been for 12 years. Every time there is any kind of a argument my husband will call me names and scream how he wants a divorce. He has said he wants a divorce 7 times in the last 20 days. I feel as though I should serve him papers just to give him what he obviously wants. I feel as though I’m dealing with a narcissistic child. How do I handle this very unhappy situation? Cynthia Schultz
Janet Rose Marschall says
Read #Fall in Love, Stay in Love” and do the Emotional Needs Quedtionaire.
Then The VerballyvAbusive Relstionship” and When loving him, is hurting you.”
Diana Marie says
I am so unhappy in my marriage . We lost our son may 2011 things have gone down hill since than. I have tried talking to him about things that I am not happy about , hes good for a day or 2 and thats it . If I dont speak to him he says WHAT DID I DO NOW….You really enjoy being pissed at me ….REALLY ? Last time he asked me about I enjoy being upset with him all the time , I turned and said ,do you really think I enjoy feeling this way ,he said what did I do again…I have asked for time spent together alone no phones or computers , he can`t seem to do even that . He will get me to have sex with him , than he turns around n goes back to his phone ,playing games on it , that makes me feel awful ! Been married 27yrs , ups and downs like every married couple , but thins have changed for the worse after we lost our son , just seems to be getting worse , I am on SSI which is $514 month ,and cannot afford to live on my own ,he makes good money and we have nice things , but I feel stuck & very unhappy what can I do
"John" says
I have been unhappy for a while. Years. I have never been the best husband and have had some fun in the past. Nothing long term, just one nighers. Every few years I get the itch and get on a website and makes some dates. We have been married for 9.5 years and have 8 & 4 yo’s. Together 12. I love her as a person but I am not in love by any means. We “tried” to make love only twice last year and it’s very boring, and unfullfilling. She works night’s, and I own a success business. Money is not a concern for either of us, mostly because, we work hard. I plan to let her have the house, etc. I know it’s my fault, she will have no idea when I decide to tell her. Most importantly I have discoverered I have “non-traditional” urges and desires and know she would never be into these “kinky” things. I also have been distant with our children and her, trying to emotional disconnect. I feel by staying I am only hurting everyone and can’t see how to get past the differences. We haven’t tried therapy, and honestly I’m not really interested. I plan on getting an apartment before telling her, just in case the butcher knife comes out and I have to run. No really! We simply never talk or do anything. We used to camp and have fun before kids but now we just drink heavily the few nights a week we have together. I feel trapped, bored and my sex life is non existent, not to mention, I’m into new things now. No abuse. I feel guilt but know there is light at the end of the tunnel. I keep telling myself, this may be long and hard, but it will end and I will survive. My only concern is the kids, but I feel I’ll be a better father in the end.
Thoughts?
Anonymous says
You need to get out. Cheating on her behind her back, and not having any feelings anymore, the relationship has been over for a long time. Staying with her any longer is just going to make things worse for the both of you. The sooner you end this, the less hurt the outcome will be. If you fear your safety, you might need to have a third party as a witness such as a therapist or counselor. I would go ahead and look for an apartment, then move on.
Jessica says
Hi Mystique,
Not being rude, though it sounds as though you are thinking more about yourself, than you are anything else.
I don’t believe you need a divorce, rather time alone away and professional help in order to bring back the love.
What you are describing of him now, is exactly what you always wanted, although the past seems to dictate how you feel. When you are able to grasp this, then you should be able to move on from there.
Best of luck.
"John" says
Well I finally told her. It went rather well considering. It was obvious things were not going well. I told her one night, that we needed to talk. She immediately said, “I knew it!” repeatedly. Then she asked me if there was someone else. I told her no because there isn’t right now. There was no need to tell her about my past, it would only hurt her and make our future, harder to deal with than it is already going to be.
The next day we sat down and talked quietly. There was crying and it was a very sad moment. Being prepared helped but I didn’t write or practice a speech. It just came from the heart and I was honest about how I felt.
I felt soooo much better afterwards. It won’t be easy from here on out, but the worst part is over.
My advice is, be sure, be ready, plan accordingly. Talk to friends but not everyone. Giving some time for the other person to gather their thoughts is a good idea. Don’t wait long though, 24hrs is good. Make sure the kids aren’t around and be sober. If tempers rise, take a break, and say, “I need a break, lets continue when we are ready.”
Posting to this page helped me as well. It was good to write things out. I try to remind myself that I did once love her very much at one time. I do not regret those days. We have changed though and I’m glad I’m moving on. I look forward to the future and new things.
We will be fine…
Good luck everyone… hope you find peace.
Anonymous says
Hey, everyone iam women and married since10 years now, honestly I worked hard on my side to keep staying with my husband. He works hard and earning Good money he pay tge bills and we have nice things. But iam no longer happy I feel guilty and aggressive all the time, we have 2small children iam mother staying home , I have no job and no money, I have no idea where to go. I feel so in pain to stay with him our sex like is no longer working since 2 years, and iam still young honestly I do miss sex and being a woman again. And to be honestly I don’t know if I would imagine to have sex with him again, since our sex life never be good . He is a good guy, but he is really busy he never had time for me or the kids, we have nothing in common only what we do we disagree most of time. I really think I can do something to me If I continue to stay with him. But only the problems are the kids and I have nothing at all no money no job and kids are still under4years please I need
Help
Anonymous says
Reaching out because I am in almost the exact situation…what did you end up doing?
caregiver says
how do I get my husband to not touch my pension, as I felt like his caregiver through our whole marriage, not his wife and I earn more than him, and he choose to divorce me.
Anonymous says
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Brian says
I have been married for 19 going on 20 years. It is painful to think it has been that long. As a pastors child, I come from a very strict religious background. Divorce is looked upon with great shame in my family. I knew from the very start that I wanted a divorce but worked very hard to suppress my happiness & fulfillment. I was emotionally manipulated into the marriage & did not have the courage to neither call off the engagement not go through with a divorce. We are like empty corpses living under the same roof. There is zero physical compatibility. It is emotionally painful to believe that I could one day experience an emotional bond, love, & attraction with another soul. I have dismissed these as base emotions for so long I can’t remember. I dream of divorce. Please pray I can have the courage follow through with divorce despite being marked as an outcast & immoral fool. I am 38, athletic, fit, started & run a successful corporation, I am a musician, artist & lover of beauty. My wife is obese. has no control over her emotions, & has never held a job in 19 years, despite that our 2 kids are now in jr & high school. I have never been emotionally supported by my wife. I long for a partner to go through this life with together….where we can share mutual goals. dreams & struggles. I can’t shake it off.
Martha says
I pray that you find the courage within you to seek happiness.
Rodney says
Hi Brian:
I, too, am a pastor’s child, with intentions of becoming a pastor myself, filling in for my dad when he is ready to retire (which is now). My wife does not see this the same way. In fact, she has been trying to convince me that moving to another state (where her family lives) is what we are “supposed” to do. To that end, last August, she took my son and daughter and moved to the other state. I have sat at home for the last 8 months alone. Prior to her leaving, we hardly saw eye to eye on many things. I have decided that I am going forward with a divorce, after 23 years of marriage. It has taken a while for me to get to the point of accepting it. But truthfully, I wouldn’t divorce if she were still with me in the same state–I would still try to make it work. I think she decided to do this in an effort to force me to move, but since this is the case, I have decided to break it off. It is scary, but I agree with you in dreaming of having a partner to go through this life together.
Sed says
Pastor. With all due respect to You, seems like you chose work over your wife. At least that is what it sounded like. God is everywhere as you know. I’m curious why you chose work over your wife.
Beth says
Hey,
I am also stuck . I have been married for 11 years . I keep asking for a separation ,but I end up in the same loop he says he will change.
I am so stuck family friends all agree our relationship is toxic .
We sleep in separate rooms him like a king in the main room, double bed with me on an old single mattress. I work hard and penny pinch to save money he will spend on unnecessary things mainly beer and takeaways . He works but in a crap job, he’s intellegent but to lazy to apply for a better job. He doesnt want to go out with me . He drives I don’t and I bus to do shopping . My actual problem is he won’t talk to me if I say something he shrugs and says oh well. I cook ,clean, work and have to sort our daughter(10) alone he does nothing with her .
I have asked to separate many occasions he admitted he hasn’t been a good husband last time said he will change…. back in the loop I really am struggling.
I love him but not in love with him I want to go on a holiday one day not a massive aim but for me it is he doesn’t want to do anything so while I’m in this situation I’m stuck with no money no support …the list goes on .
It’s quite hard to write down how the situation is very awkward .
So I’m here contemplating another separation speech jelly belly in full swing .
I to worry where will he go I don’t want bad for him . I want him to live a happy life . I don’t want it to get mean we still got to think about out daughter.
Scott nichols says
The misses and I after eight yrs of talking in circles of needing her help, her support, her love in an unconditional manner and communication, are splitting… kicker: it happens this weekend and she doesn’t know this. Her demands have been very unreasonable, so has her behavior. She trash talks my 4 kids who are grown and lifts up her four kids and perfect g-kids on social media. She has driven me to this point. Can’t find a way to tell her, she can get violent. But the day of reckoning is coming. I want a relationship with my children whose mother died in 04, instead of a trash talking narcissistic woman who keeps me on eggshellls and will not listen to reason. Help!
Lisa says
That so sad, I hope you move on and find what you are looking for, but I would stop comparing any future woman you are with, with the mother of your 4 grown children. There will never be anyone like her and you should honor her name not use it as a coping tool.
Valerie Mondesir Alarcon says
My Husband Can’t Satisfy Me In Bed, I Want A Divorce
Anonymous says
I started dating my now husband when I was 15 years old. When I was 18, we got engaged. When I was 19, we bought a house together. When I was 21, we got married and a few months later we bought our dog. About 9 months prior to us getting married I started having some doubts and second thoughts. I figured it was wedding bug jitters. But now after being married for 3 years, I am emotionally and mentally not in our marriage anymore. I do not feel the same love and connection as I once had. I’ve attempted to tell him some of the issues I was having and he would work on fixing them for a week or two and then be right back where we were. I tried changing myself to adapt to being okay with our relationship, but in all honesty I lost myself. I was not the same person anymore and everyone around us could see it, they mentioned it. Then I realized. He shouldn’t have to change. Nor should I. We just grew apart and that’s okay. I still love him, I always will. But, we are not healthy together anymore.
It had gotten to the point where the only time we were nice to each other is when we were both drinking; but even then, sometimes it did not help. I started drinking obnoxiously because at the time that was the only thing that made me happy. Shortly later, even that didn’t help.
I feel as if I am drowning in my own misery but do not have the courage to tell him that I feel done. Emotionally done. Mentally done. Physically done. I am broken and it is my own fault for letting it get that bad. There’s times that I wonder if we are in this position because of how young we started out, how in love we fell possibly too soon.
He grew up thinking once you are married there is no separation, there is no divorce. You stay and stick it out and deal with it. He was under the impression that yes, every couple has their own issues but need to either work through it or push it under the rug, no matter how unhappy. I agree on trying everything in your power to make your relationship successful, but it comes to a point when you realize you are forcing something that is no longer there. You are making yourself miserable trying to fix what cannot be done.
Neither him nor I have been happy in our relationship over the past year. I stayed wanting to fix it and make it work and be that couple who’s been together 75 years. But I can’t keep putting myself through the heartache of staying.
I worry on how he’ll react. I’ve been terrified that he will react by drinking himself to death. Or taking his truck into a tree at 80mph. I fear that because he has told me that numerous times in the past. I do not wish to hurt him. But I know I will. I feel stuck and I don’t know how to free myself without hurting him. So I continue to stay. I am fully aware now though that in order to help myself I need to leave and take care of myself. The fact that I now know that and am thinking with a clearer head I feel a little bit better. I don’t know if it’s the time to leave. But in all honesty, is it ever? My biggest fear is the pain I will put him through. I feel as if he is strong enough to pull through it and be the man I know he is, but I worry about the first few months. I worry about him.
And that’s not fair to me. I stay in worry of him and everyone else, but where does that leave me.. In the same miserable, unhappy dark hole I have been in.
I do not blame him for where we are at. I do not blame him for my unhappiness. I do not blame him for the failure of our marriage. But I also do not blame myself anymore. I will always love him, but it’s time to move on with our lives and start over. My biggest fear is starting over. But I believe it is was I have to do in order to find myself.
Lisa says
I am right there with you, and I commend you on your courage, do what is best for you!! I feel the same way as you do.
Susan says
For so long, I have been saying” this is the day” to myself. Or such and such day will be the right time. But then the time comes and I think it’s probably the wrong time. Maybe we have some plans coming up. Or maybe the day is wrong. I think a weekend will be best, that will give us plenty of time without having to go to work the next day. But then that leaves the whole weekend together. Or me moving out. How do you make the decision of when to tell?
Nikki Stallard says
I want to separate from my husband, Im not in love with him haven’t for ages, we don’t have sex anymore or wear are wedding rings, don’t have things in common either, I just don’t know how to start,
Marlene ogrady says
Can I ask a question here. My husband of 25 years brought us a trip Vegas for my birthday. Then sent me a picture of a beautiful home for us to look at. The next at 2. He called and says he wants a divorce. I’m shattered scared I don’t know what to think of this. Can someone please help.
Adriana says
Hi I’m 26 yrs old with two children and am looking to separate from my husband . Now I want to express how bad he has hurt me and others around me but I do not want to play the blame game and make my outcome worst but I do not think he will let me leave without a fight
We’ve been married 9 yrs and I’ve had enough of the manchild beahvior and the financial and emotional abuse . I just want to know how did you husband’s react and maybe in what way did you express u wanted out . Thanks everyone
Haddie B says
The husband is hurt but would rather move on than waste anymore time. The husband is going to be ok and his motivation to succeed and explore has never been higher.
He loved his wife more than anything even though others said that was not the case. The pain the wife brought him was enough for him to cutfresh and move on. He will miss his muffin but life changes and he really wants her to be happy, super happy. Hell he does not even know who she is!
Susan Stalboerger says
During our 35 years of marriage and living together for 3 years my husband had several affairs. And even took one of the women to our family fishing lake. I happened to stop by the lake and there she pops out. It bothers me but didn’t seem to bother him at all. I t bothers me still to this day. I be been thinking about divorce for a long time. I m having a hard time going through with it because he yells every time I bring it up. I guess you can say I’m afraid”
Annonyomous says
Soooo understand. I’m leaving my alcoholic husband and I’m sooo scared! I have to do this for me.. but it’s extremely hard!
Marco Polo says
I was the one hearing the parting words. I love you but not in love with you, we are more like roommates than we are husband/wife, I need to be alone on my own to find myself. It was from left field and we have 3 kids under 10. She had no plan after the conversation, she says there is no one else. This was 3.5 months ago. We haven’t spoke of it for about a month now. We still share a bed but have a no touch rule that wasn’t said aloud but became apparent months ago. We do everything together as a family on the weekends and we went on a family vacation that was already planned. I’m convinced there has to be someone else as she wants nothing to do with fixing the marriage but can’t afford to leave. We get along very well and there hasn’t been any animosity. I have started to eat healthy, quit drinking (was a 6 pack a night guy) and I go to the gym 6 days a week. We’ve never fought, zero infidelity issues before this and we both still genuinely care for the other person. I have no clue what to do or say at this point. We can’t continue like this but one day becomes a week and we just stay in routine with our schedules. I’m a mental trainwreck inside but play it cool at home and work. Kids have no clue what’s going on. I’m lost…
Pink says
Marco Polo,
I am on the other side whatbyou are experiencing. I feel that sometimes when we get married especially at a younger age we grow up and change from the people we were at 19&20ish to the people we are now. Sometimes we can learn to grow up together and sometimes we grow up and grow apart. We may not have the same priorities. And while the love is always there for each other you can’t help but want to find that person who is going to be the one you will grow old with. You also need to be able to find the person who makes you happy and shares the same interests.
Anonymous says
43 years of marriage and sadly we’re nothing more than roommates. We get along just fine however we don’t eat together, don’t sleep in the same room, watch TV in different locations in the house, no hugs/kisses. In other words single(s) in our home. I will be leaving and filing sometime in the early spring. I’m very lonely. Thank you, I’ll be following advice contained in the article.
Vicki says
How are you doing now? What gave you the courage and how did you say it or did you just leave without notice?
Gerry says
Wow, I am just amazed at so many of the stories. Mine is simple, married for 28 years. Sex life was meh the first 10 years then it started trickling off and finally stopped completely May 2005. I have spent the past 13 years trying to find a way to fix our marriage. See 15 years ago she had an affair with another woman but the other woman broke it off and she moved back into the family household. I was told to never speak of what happened and that she was not gay. About 6 months later, the sex ended when we moved to Canada. I just don’t see any way around it. I cannot be with someone I want more than anything else but cannot even touch her. Its painful when you touch someone you love and they jerk away. So, to sum it up I have been in a emotionally abusive relationship for 13 years. I have to make a change, I suffer from horrible depression and anxiety and being celibate for the past 13 years has not helped me at all. My Depression and Anxiety turned into a nightmare of nausea and Norwalk Virus symptoms. I have to get away. I am thinking at the end of the month. Our children are grown so its just two adults. Still scares the hell out of me.
Anonomys says
My husband and I have been together since we were 16/17. We got married at 21/22, had our first baby at 22/23. We now are 29/30 with 4 amazing and crazy kids.
For a long time we were very much in love, so happy, so connected. Like any marriage we of course had things here and there but nothing we couldn’t overcome.
My husband has always had a short fuse (never physically abusive but emotionally abusive), but I’m not super confrontational so I could always just walk away from it. I was always the one to diffuse the argument.
Before we got married I knew he smoked weed, shoot we were young, I did too! Well when we got married he got a really good job which required drug tests, so he quit smoking weed, and was totally dedicated to his job. Throughout the years though he had smoked a few times, I didn’t make a big deal about it but did tell him definitely don’t continue, we have 4 kids which means your job is crucial. He agreed.
Long story short I found out he regularly smokes weed, multiple times a day, even at work. I felt like such an idiot, I couldn’t believe I didn’t see it. But this made sooooo much more sense about things that were going on. He was constantly needed to go to the store, skateboard park, etc.. it just felt like he was always leaving.
At first I was ok with it because I was hoping it would help his outbursts but then when I found out he was using that time to smoke weed I felt so lied to. He felt bad he lied to me for so many years about it. I just felt so sad because we’ve always told each other everything, but now I feel like this trust has been taken away. So I kept thinking… it’s just weed I’m just going to need to get over it, find a way to compromise. But then I was able to really connect the dots on his outbursts and correlate them (most of the time) with when he was coming down from a high. He was soooo agitated OFTEN, yelling at me and the kids. But the other part of this is how manipulative he is. Every argument he somehow manages to make it my fault. The lastest argument was because he hadn’t yet smoked when he woke up and was irritated at everyone, we were getting ready to leave and he wouldn’t do anything to help, he said he was acting like that because I wouldn’t have sex with him that morning. (Btw we have a decent sex life (sex 3+ times a week) but with the current status of our relationship I know the emotional part could be a lot better). I mean this is just one example but literally every conversation he turns into my fault and quite honestly, sometimes it blows my mind, because it’s completley made up.
Through all of this we went through marriage counseling. We went every week and were dedicated to it. We made a lot of progress with communication and more. I was able to clearly lay out my boundary with his use of marijuana. I told him on his couple of guys trips throughout the year it would be a good time if he wanted to do it. Well that turned into buying it a week before his trip, smoking so much he’d have to buy more, then coming home from trip with highs and lows… sooooo many highs and lows, continuing to hide it from me for a week or two, then quit and go through withdrawal symptoms for a week. It’s just REALLY hard to handle because I feel so disrespected. He’s so awful to me during this time, and I feel like I’m not really respecting myself to go through this again and again, just being yelled at when he’s coming down from being high. Not to mention the possible effect it may be having on our kids.
Sometimes I’m just in disbelief that this is my life and that “weed” is having such an impact, sometimes I feel so stupid about it but it’s my reality. I’ve begged him to quit because it’s destroying our marriage, he says he did and then I find out he’s sneaking it again. He’s completely addicted to it. I know he loves me and the kids but I feel like I’ve grown so much and just know deep down this isn’t what I deserve.
I’m super fearful about the impact on my kids- whether we stay together or not, what’s worse?! I’m worried for him because I know it would be really hard on him. But it’s been 3 years of so many lies and outbursts related to marijuana, and at this point he says he’s just not going to stop. We are very financially dependent on each other as well so this plays a big roll in it all.
But reading lots of the comments above seeing where people are at 20, 30, 40 years into marriage scares me that I will be in the same position myself if I don’t make a decision. I just feel like soooo much damage has been done I can’t imagine it ever being the same, but who knows I guess? I know he uses weed as a coping mechanism which is something we’ve talked about- let’s think of something else! But he just can’t kick the habit!
I know this is so long winded so if you’ve read this far, thank you, I’m just so broken, torn, and sad really. This is not what I envisioned for our family. I would love insight!
Lisa says
Your story sounds very similar to mine, except I never really knew what caused the outbursts, and verbal abuse, I just blamed his upbringing but maybe it was weed too; since he has always smoked and does not WANT to quit. We both do, but I WANT to quit. I never thought of weed as messing with his emotions and having withdrawls like that, IDK. I have been with my husband for 20 years, I am 34, he is 39 and we have 3 beautiful children – 15, 11, 8, he has a 21 year old too. And we were so in love too. But after we had kids and the stress of life he started getting angry and became almost a daily thing where he would get mad for nothing. He does it now too but not as bed as before. I am at a point in my life where I am just done with it, I feel emotions and resentment which I have never felt and never thought I would ever feel like this; it breaks my heart knowing that I want out. I love him and feel obligated and loyal to him but I am just not happy and I want to do whatever I want without feeling guilty or wrong. Like going to school, or spending time with a girlfriend, or wanting to put me first. I feel like I went from being controlled by my parents to him and sometimes fear I am wrong and this will pass, or if I just need time aprt from him. I am to blame for some of his behavior since I enabled him and catered to him for so long trying to not make him mad. I kept thinking if only this would change then he wont do that and we’ll be better. It got to a point in 2016 where we would fight almost everyday for nothing felt like we were siblings just bickering at eachother over nothing. When I started to pray for God to give me strength to get out and courage to leave. I was getting angrier thinking this was the man I would spend my life with, he was pretty terrible. Well Dec 2016, I told him I wanted out and that I couldn’t do it anymore. It was right before we were leaving on a month vaction to Panama to visit my mom. I couldn’t imagine going with him and having his tantrums and getting angry ruining my trip. He begged for another chance and promised he would stop belittling me and guess what he did!! Ever since that time he has tried so hard to control his anger and be better husband/dad. But now I am the problem, I thought if he did that I would be okay, I am not okay here we are in 2019 and I am contemplating how and when I am going to tell him i want a seperation. Although, he has changed and is not as bad as he was now I see we want alot of different things. I feel like something is wrong with me now but it so miserable pretending you are happy when you’re not. Please pray for me to find strength to do what is the best for us all. He deserves to be loved better too, I am not giving him all the love i could because I don’t want to.
Leon says
All what you need is prayers dear
Christina Lopez says
Can’t you just rent tho office space out to a medical group? If it’s zoned commercial they may be able to build a surgical center on it and make bank.
George Bailey says
Yes, it’s true. Breaking the news about separation or divorce seems to be the hardest when you are thinking about parting ways.
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TracyMattingly (@TracyMattingly5) says
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Leon says
Hi
TracyMattingly (@TracyMattingly5) says
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JE says
I can’t seem to find anyone in my same situation. My husband invested our life savings in a business that I didn’t approve of because I didn’t trust the founders. He told be his investment was 1/5th of what he actually gave them despite my objections. He has a wealthy brother who is helping while he “earns us out of the hole”. We have very few assets left and I am thinking of relocating to a small town to start my life over. This is the 2nd time in about 10 years he’s gotten us in financial trouble. He refuses to change his career path to something other than commission only and is a huge stonewalled in our conversations. I’ve just lost respect and interest in moving forward with him. Married almost 30 years and I was a stay at home mom for a majority of the time. I’m afraid to ask and being seen as a failure.
lara april says
post comments
Lucy says
I have only been married to my husband for 7 months, but I’m pretty sure we need to divorce. We’ve been together for 6 years and in that time he’s suffered from episodes of severe depression and as a result he has been incredibly hard to live with – boughts of anger, sullenness, random ocd, generally making me scared to do things in case he explodes, guilt tripping etc. During our 6 years together I’ve held his hand through four serious episodes which last months at a time, periods of time that have me in secret fits of tears and not living my own life very well (I.e. stopping seeing friends, putting on weight, feeling depressed myself).
The most recent time was around Christmas. When i finally told friends and family the things he says and do they were shocked and said I was being emotionally abused, which I started to see. I told him I was leaving and then eventually did for a week, but I came back as I felt like I needed to try to work at it, and he’s been good as gold for 2 months. But something has broken in me, I suddenly can’t continue. I am starting to see it all, the screaming at me when we’re supposed to be on holiday having a good time, the selfishness, the controlling, the need for perfection, the inability to support me in any way, but also just how little we have in common, how boring I find his conversation and how I’m not attracted to him anymore.
I am 39 and I want kids but I am not sure I can have children with him. We’ve been sleeping apart for about 2 years and I feel like we’re just living separate lives these days anyway. If you were in my position, would you leave? Or would you stay and try for kids? Would it be better for me and him if I broke this off now before we have children, in the hope that I could somehow have children in the future?
And how can I break it to him that I want a divorce when he’s suddenly trying to hard? When i left him after Christmas for that week he had a full mental breakdown and I had to call the mental health services and his parents, I am scared he’ll lose it again.
Allie says
Lucy! You sound just like me. I am in such a bad state. My husband is bipolar, suffers from PTSD and is generally very distant. He often has mental breakdowns and I can’t deal anymore. He won’t work and I’ve been left to support us with my income alone which is exhausting. There’s no intimacy, no affection, we barely even speak anymore and when we do, it’s hostile. I’ve been putting off divorce for two years hoping we could work through our issues but I don’t think it’s possible. I recently found out he’s been scouting (and maybe even seeing) men behind my back. Now I just feel sorry for him that he doesn’t feel like he can live the life he wants to and uses me to cover up for him. I know I need to have this conversation. I wanted to wait until after the holidays but I don’t know if I can or will. Any advice would be great!
Lucy says
Allie – I’ve just seen your reply! What has happened with you? Did you leave?
I can tell anyone who is considering it and was in my position to DO IT! I did, I finally left him. I couldn’t believe I actually did it, I was a total wreck, I couldn’t even work out how to function by myself to begin with, but over the year I’ve become stronger and stronger and now I’m a new woman. I had therapy, that really helped. I focused on myself for the first time in a long, long time. I saw my friends, I exercised, I ate better, i started to sort my finances out, I found things I enjoyed. It wasn’t always easy being by myself, people say to me now they were secretly really worried about my mental health for a few months…
I’m now 40, and my chances of having children now are slim, and that is a sacrifice I have made to leave that god-awful marriage. But I’m finally HAPPY. Live your lives people, no one else’s!!
katty says
hi here how are you doing
AJO says
I’m so lost. Been married 18 years- 3 kids. He is a great dad and provider. Opposites attracted but for the majority of our marriage the opposites are glaring. We do not talk unless it’s about the kids. We never go on dates- haven’t for years. No sex or intimacy of any kind for over 3 1/2 years. I’m so afraid to wreck my kids lives by leaving. And he is a good person- we are just roommates. I am happier when he isn’t home. We have tried counseling in the past- he bought books they recommended but never opened them and then gave them away. I don’t know what to do. Kids are noticing I’m so unhappy and crying a lot more. Our dinners with all 5 of us are in silence. They are 12 and 15 so I know they know things are not normal.
Remy Jardin says
That’s very hard AJO. Your marriage sounds very similar to mine. We have one child 12. Married 22 years and just roommates. There is another life out there. We are here for one lifetime. Why spend that unhappy?
Annette Mcevoy says
I feel the same x married 17 years x has feelings for another before x shook them off blocked him x concentrated on marriage x same old x but part of me feels selfish and I made my bed and continue x the other thinks your only here once ! Do what we makes you feel happy !! So hard.
Johnice Harris says
This is my life right now! How did you begin the conversation?
Brenda Adamo says
Joking with my husband and Said to him I will divorce you ?he said to me don’t let fear stop you,what would you do feeling hurt
Sonia says
I want to leave my husband of 10 years, we have two kids. Every time I tell me him I want to separate he cries and begs and says he will commit suicide. He has not helped me financially for the last 10 years, he has not worked, he’s depressed and is making my life miserable. His mom gives him money. He’s OCD he gets really angry over little things, doesn’t let the kids play. So I have decided to involve the police so he can let me go and take my stuff. I want to give him some time alone and see what he does.
Natoya Fredrick says
You’re welcome to my temple my Child.
Don’t worry my child, now that you have contacted me be rest assured that all your problem is solved OK, as I believe in my good work so also my work always speak good of me too OK.
All you have to do right now is for you to send me…
Your both countries name/State
Your both date of birth,
Your both photo,
Your both full names, And
Your Whatsapp number.
Do that right now, let me quickly do the consultation of the spell, to know how to join you both together forever OK.
Just relax your mind and don’t worry my child, I will help you to do as your heart desired OK.
I await your urgent response my child.
tineka345 says
My husband and I have been married for over 10 years. We met when I was 18 and he was 21. We’ve been through a lot emotionally together. There were several HUGE fights and painful situations in our marriage, but we always seemed to come out stronger on the other side. Out of the blue my husband just sprung the divorce talk on me, I was totally depressed until I found Dr. Todd website online and i ordered for a Love spell. You won’t believe my husband called me at the exact time this spell caster finished his spell work in 24hours. I was totally amazed! He is wonderful and his spells work so fast. His contact: manifest spell cast @ gmail.com
Nette says
So I wanna divorce my husband…We been together for 22 years…Been married for 11 years….We live in separate states…
Let me give you a little of this story…We have 1 daughter(31) and we raised my sister as our daughter(32)…I had custody of her…My husband and I got into a disagreement about the girls…He decided to go to GA back in 2006…He planned to go to GA to get his license reinstated…Not knowing it doesn’t work that way anymore…While he was there he applied for a job…And he got the job…We started a long distance relationship…Him and I would take turns visiting one another…On one of my visits we tied the knot!…After we got married I only stayed in GA for 1 week and came back home to NJ…The last time he was in NJ was 2009…I visited twice(2013) and recently(2020)…We pretty much been living separate lives…
So now I want a divorce…But I am so NERVOUS and SCARED!…I don’t know how to tell him…I wanna text him and tell him…But my best friend is saying no something like that you need to call him…NOOOOOO I can’t do that!!!…What do you think?…HELP ME PLEASE!!!!
Lynn says
I have been with my husband for nearly 10 years and married 6 this year. We have 2 young kids together. We got together young as well,22. We always had issues. We rushed into a marriage we shouldn’t have. We have grown apart and live like roommates. Through these years he became less successful in work as I became more successful. This caused a lot of resentment on his end. He stopped doing housework because he feels it’ll make him entirely the woman of the relationship if he does this and makes less money. I worked tirelessly for years for a promotion I finally received this year. Not even a congratulations from him. Whenever he knows I’m fed up and ready to go he says he’ll change, which lasts about 3 months. We don’t do anything together. We haven’t had sex in a year and 2x the year before that. I am looking for a place and feel guilty knowing he will struggle when I leave. But I am not happy and the kids see that now too. I just want to be happy. U also know he will make me out to be the monster in all of this despite years and years of telling him why I’m not happy. This is the hardest conversation to come to terms with needing to have.
vivian2221 says
My husband left me and said he no longer loves me after spending 9years together, We have a beautiful daughter of 6 Years. I was not able to understand just how someone can fall out of love after 9years marriage The fact that he feels the way that he does. He no longer wants to do anything with me talk to me or see me I feel that our marriage can be saved but it was miserable when my partner doesn’t want anything to do with me. few weeks ago a friend told me about priest manuka and i was reach him through his email [lovesolutiontemple1@ gmail. com] after 7 days my husband came to me and he admitted that everything he had been doing to me was wrong and he truly apologized. thanks to manuka he did perfect job to safe my marriage. email is being attached to my post to contact him.
stella says
I was really worried and needed help to save my marriage. I was searching for tips on how I can save my marriage from divorce. I came across a comment which says priest manuka help her out. I contacted him to save my home and restore peace back to my marriage through his email [lovesolutiontemple1@ gmail. com] After 3days of manuka reunion spiritual prayers I swear with my life my mother in-law came to the house and ask me to forgive her and her Son for the pain they must have cost me. Today we are living in peace as one family. Once again thanks to priest manuka I really appreciate for what you has done.
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Maria Wolfgang says
What do you do if yiur husband says he won’t leave after asking for a divorce?
neo molly says
I was really worried and needed help to save my marriage. I was searching
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gmail. com] After 3days of olokun reunion spiritual prayers I swear with my
life my mother in-law came to the house and ask me to forgive her and her
David says
thanks for sharing this …This article is so helpuful to those who deciding to get Divorced.
Deborah says
after 13 years of marriage my husband is filling for divorce because of his new secretary whom was employed October 2021, this daughter of Jezebel has turned my husband against me and his entire family.