Getting married is one of your life’s most important and biggest decisions. It’s difficult to find the perfect one, so when you think you’ve finally found your soul mate, you get married and naturally assume this marriage will last forever. But what if it doesn’t?
Some people get lucky – they find their soul mate and have a happily ever after. Others? Well, they don’t get to be lucky in the marriage department. So the unlucky pair usually get divorced, which is quite challenging physically and emotionally.
According to American Psychological Association, at present, over 40 to 50 percent of couples end up getting a divorce in the United States, and what’s even higher is the divorce rate for subsequent marriages.
In all honesty, getting married is great for couples’ health. It enhances your mental and physical well-being, and a happy couple ends up building a happy family. That is why getting a divorce is often devastating – a traumatic affair indeed. (When I mean that getting a divorce can be tough, I am referring to both partners who suffer in marriage.)
Although women suffer greatly while going through a divorce, men also do.
Men have it just as hard as women; however, men don’t always show their vulnerability as much as women do because they’ve been taught to be strong and never appear weak.
Based on these stereotypical labels that men have received over the years, it makes it much harder for them to disclose their thoughts and feelings to anyone.
I remember when I was getting divorced. I was used to sharing my thoughts with my ex-wife because she was the closest person in my life, but during our divorce, I wasn’t sure whom to consult and share my feelings with without being judged.
Consequently, I felt isolated, miserable, and frustrated about my situation. And it didn’t do me any good mentally or physically. So I broke all the stereotypes and sought out help. Trust me, that was one of the best decisions I took, without having any regrets.
If you are getting divorced or want to help out someone going through their divorce, first of all, my condolences! Getting a divorce is not easy, but everything will be fine with time. The pain and struggle for this will only last a while. This divorce checklist for men should help get you on the right track.
Ultimate Divorce Checklist for Men – Gear Up!
1. Avoid Doing Nothing
We all go through problems where we just can’t handle all the stress piled up from a complicated situation so we just want to completely bury our head in the ground and hope that the problem goes away.
If anything, doing nothing will make matters worse for you. You need to keep your mind occupied with doing things that will uplift your mood for the future.
Many people isolate themselves during a divorce. I don’t suggest this. It’s always good to socialize and have some entertainment. Making sure you’re participating in life and surrounding yourself with positive people will help you stay positive during a difficult time.
2. Immerse in the Art of Yoga
You will need something to channel your pent-up emotions, and doing yoga is the perfect remedy for that.
Yoga and meditation are common spiritual practices that have been scientifically proven to be relaxing and offer great benefits to the body, mind, and soul. Doing yoga can relieve you from stress, keep your anxiety under control, and control your blood pressure whilst enhancing your physical and emotional health.
3. Don’t Be Afraid to Ask for Help
As I mentioned before, men find it difficult to ask for a helping hand. Being all macho, they often don’t want to show their weak side.
Divorced men that I knew thought they could handle the divorce on their own but soon found out they didn’t have a clue. They ended up drowning their sorrows in booze and drugs and eventually lost their way when it came to positively work through the divorce process.
Not reaching out for help will lead you to a one-way ticket to a destructive divorce and a miserable future.
It’s okay to ask for help from your friends and family. They can be a great pillar of support, and you won’t have to feel alienated by your problems.
If you don’t want to involve your friends and family (for whatever the reason may be), you can always consult a professional therapist. Their company and supportive advice can significantly help you in such a situation, especially when making logical decisions and considering your divorce plans.
4. Become Knowledgeable About the Divorce Process
The more educated you are in the ways of how to get a divorce, the easier it is to advocate for yourself and your rights during divorce.
Divorce is hard to deal with emotionally and financially. The more knowledge you have, the less financial damage that will be done.
There are so many financial aspects that need to be considered when getting a divorce. Dividing the assets and property; if you have children, you would need to discuss child support and gaining custody, etc. It can be a hassle if done in a rush without thought. Take your time to look into information on how the whole process works.
5. Reach out to Others Who’ve Been Through Divorce
Meet up with divorced people so you can get some ideas on how to manage your situation as effectively as possible. This can help you cope with your situation and give you an idea of your future life.
However, ensure you meet divorced people who have successfully gotten past their divorce situations. You don’t want to meet someone who is still hung up on their ex and wasting their life away or someone who suffered a huge amount of financial loss during their own divorce periods. Yet, you can learn better from their experiences.
6. Hire a Good Lawyer
It’s important to find a well-reputed lawyer – this way, you won’t regret choosing someone on a whim and wasting an enormous amount of time and money on them. A good lawyer will be your strongest shield and will guide you to gain favorable results in your divorce.
However, you must always put your own judgment first over theirs. Lawyers can make mistakes, and no one knows better than you what is right or wrong for you.
7. Avoid Taking the Issue to Court
It’s best to resolve all divorce issues between you and your spouse via mediation.
The reason why you should avoid court is that mostly, the moment you enter a courtroom, you have lost control of the outcome of your divorce. The final decision of the court is based 30 percent on the law and 70 percent on the perception of the judge.
If the judge doesn’t feel your case is strong enough or simply favors the other party, they have the authority to go against you whether or not you sound logical in your arguments.
This is why you should keep the divorce process between you, your spouse, and the respective lawyers. Give in to a few compromises. You will lose a lot less than how much you could have in court.
8. Respect Your Ex
If you plan to negotiate your way through this divorce, then you need to be careful with how you act toward her.
Be nice to your ex-spouse, whether they deserve it or not. Do not get provoked when they try to taunt you. Try not to let your anger channel into your speech and make it an amicable process, especially if you have kids. This way, the situation will hurt less, and you can get a favorable response during the negotiations.
9. Move Out to a Place Where Your Kids Can Hang Out
Naturally, it’s uncomfortable to live with your soon-to-be ex-wife under the same roof, so you will end up moving out at some point.
If you want your kids to come to stay with you, get a decent place to stay when they come to visit you. When moving out of a marital home, take everything that you own but isn’t considered marital property.
10. Stay Involved in Your Kids’ Lives
You will need to spend as much time as you can with your children because you don’t know how things are going to end once the divorce process is complete. Try your best to communicate with your kids regularly. Talk to them about how their day went and immerse yourself in their lives. Be sure to be present for their school meetups or any other occasions. Just find an excuse to stay around them. This can strengthen your bond regardless of how much less time you get to spend together.
Monica Albert is a passionate and creative blogger who loves to write about lifestyle and relationships. Her writings are focused on prevailing topics, and her long-term vision is to empower youth in making their decisions. She loves to gather information and wants to have her own library.
Thank you. I have never been married but this one time for 25 years and if I can be transparent, we were never friends and I wish we were or had interest in building a friendship as much as being lovers and parents. My hesitation to move foreword was my fear of breaking up the extended family but that fear has subsided as I know a very successful family that has recovered from multiple marriages and divorces and have created an amazing mixed family dynamic with the majority of the ex-spouses maintaining a positive bond for the sake of the legacy. Thanks for helping me with the checklist. Only thing daunting activity is the lawyer finding. It triggers unaffordable for me. Gonna still do the first rule and not not do nothing LOL
I don’t think it’s a good ideal for women to give man advice. Let men advice men because you’ve no idea what we go through…
Amen man. This is the hardest part of my life. My marriage was over on a random Tuesday because she didn’t want to be a wife anymore; whatever the hell that means. I’m tired of reading about men accepting their failures. This goes goes ways, especially when women initiate 69% of divorces.
Suggest to ‘get in shape’ rather than yoga. Also, the legal system in most countries are not bipartisan on the matter (severely outdated) when it comes to divorce proceedings and will in most circumstances be in favour of women. This never boded well because the sacrifices of men is always downplayed and festers into resentment. This resentment although seem minor can in some cases lead to ‘the final straw that breaks the camels back’ so to speak. It will influence any future interaction between the two parties. This is of special importance, especially when there are kid(s) involved. Note that the manifestation/outcome of this resentment is varied but is almost always counterproductive. The standard outcome are 1.Suicide. 2.Walking away. 3. Descend into darkness (drugs/alcoholism/etc) 4.Retaliation. 5. Immobility. Everything else is cosmetic. Most men through social conditioning are straight forward when it comes to emotional responses. Therefore, just two words of advice ‘keep calm’.
I cleaned my life up 6 years ago. Before then i was worthless. I did everything i could to help her. I came home all the time to my wife and her mother getting high in front of my kids. It got to the point she was bringing friends over getting high with them. While i was at work. Come home to people in my room and in my bathroom. I told him to get out the house with that s*** and then a few days later my son came home at 5 as well as report card punishment from this phone and took his computer he threatened to commit suicide. I told his mom about it she said we’re not like you we don’t go to church every Sunday we don’t believe in the Bible like you do. I left cuz I didn’t want to fight when I came home 2 hours later she done left check my son into a hospital. Would not discuss anything with me. I lost my mind. Then check myself in a hospital. I didnt know what to do. I came home and she had most of my house moved out. Bank drained. I kept asking her what is going on. I was lost! She moved all my stuff in side her friends garage. I filed for divorce because she wouldn’t let me talk to my kids or see my kids that was going on two months. My lawyer asked me if I want to file for emergency custody I told him no. That’s where I went wrong. I was hoping she would change her mind and realize she messed up. I was wrong. After being to myself for a little while i met some one. That’s when my wife started playing mind games acting like she wanted me back she wanted the family back together. In all reality she just wanted to break the relationship up she did not want to see me happy. I started bringing my girlfriend around my kids my kids liked her and liked her kids. But then my soon-to-be ex-wife was getting jealous. That being said when she left me she left me for some guy online she wanted being catfished. Since the jealousy is going on now my son is in a psych ward I don’t know what to do I’m losing my mind. I cant deal with this crap.
First thing you do is tell your son , you will be there for him , visit him when there is group meeting or one on one . Now take your wife to court and get the rest of your children because when your wife is high your children are in danger and no judge will allowed that to happen and finally tell everything to your new girlfriend , she must understand your feelings so that relationship doesn’t end up in the bin .
I think it is also important to seek advice from a financial advisor in addition to a lawyer. To prepare you for what your outlook will be on a single income or if you are going to have to pay child support or alimony.