As a stepparent, you must decide how you will fit into the family. Try your best to understand your stepchild’s perspective, and don’t allow yourself to feel rejected if it isn’t love at first sight.
Blogger's Bio
Terry Gaspard
I am a licensed therapist, college instructor, and non-fiction author specializing in divorce, remarriage, women’s issues, children, and relationships. In addition to this website, I am a regular contributor to the Gottman Institute Blog, DivorcedMoms.com, Huffington Post Divorce, and The GoodMenProject.com, among others.
As a therapist, I am interested in helping people adapt to the challenges they experience related to divorce and remarriage. I became a published writer while attending graduate school in the 1990s, where I began researching the long-term impact of parental divorce and remarriage.
My interest in the lives of women who grew up in divorced families began with my own experience. My passion for this topic grew as my clinical practice included many daughters of divorce and I experienced divorce.
My daughter Tracy and I co-authored Daughters of Divorce: Overcome the Legacy of Your Parents' Breakup and Enjoy a Happy, Long-Lasting Relationship (Sourcebooks). When I wrote the book, I supplemented my clinical and personal experience by interviewing more than 300 hundred women raised in divorced families.
My initial research study in 1995 included 198 women, and I discovered that the loss of access to both parents was associated with low self-esteem in daughters of divorce. Following that, I studied a larger, diverse sample of over 300 adults and examined issues such as interpersonal relationships, family climate, and self-esteem. Both studies were published in the Journal of Divorce and Remarriage. My other publications focus on parenting and remarriage.
My second book, The Remarriage Manual: How to Make Everything Work Better the Second Time Around, was published by Sounds True in 2020. Based on my personal experience, over 30 years of clinical practice, knowledge from leading marriage and remarriage researchers, and 100 in-depth interviews of remarried people, this book is a must-read for anyone contemplating remarriage.
Blog posts created by this author
3 Ways to Compromise During Conflict in a Stepfamily
Second marriages can pose more challenges than first marriages, so it’s essential that remarried couples develop a “we’re in this together” mindset.
6 Ways to Survive When Your Ex-Spouse Has the Kids for the Holidays
Let’s face it, it’s a challenge for parents to create new traditions and devise a plan to survive the holidays. For the recently divorced parent, the holidays can be an emotional, stressful, and perhaps a lonely time of year – especially if they don’t have new traditions and support systems in place.
How to Put “Happy” Back into the Holidays After Divorce
The holidays don’t have to be a time of sadness and stress overload. Focus on caring for yourself and your children, giving back to those who have supported you, and healing from your divorce. Here are 4 ways to put the “happy” back into “happy holidays.”
The Power of Forgiveness to Save a Marriage
Apologizing and granting forgiveness will allow you and your partner to move out of the role of victim and stop letting wounds from the past fester. Remember to give each other the benefit of the doubt and be receptive to learning effective ways to repair hurt feelings.
Prenups and Remarriage: Should Couples Entering Remarriage Consider a Prenuptial Agreement?
While often thought of as a negative signal to the other person and a risk factor for divorce, the advantage of a prenuptial agreement is that it can protect a couple with unequal assets or if one person feels insecure about finances.
Daughters of Divorce: How to Overcome the Legacy of Your Parents’ Breakup
It’s no longer up to others to help you bounce back from your parents’ divorce. It can no longer be about their attitudes or behavior. It’s time for you to create change in your life and move forward.
7 Tips for Co-parenting With a Challenging, Narcissistic, or High-Conflict Ex
Once you accept that you can only control your own behavior – not that of a person with a difficult or high conflict personality – your life will greatly improve.
Stepfamily Life: Discussing Expectations Can Create Stronger Relationships
Many stepparents blame themselves or the relationship itself once disillusionment sets in, rather than reevaluating their unrealistic expectations. When this occurs, partners can play the “blame game” and position themselves against each other, not beside each other.
6 Ways to Cope With Being Triggered in Intimate Relationships
As humans, we develop coping mechanisms to avoid pain, but sometimes we sabotage our relationships when our immediate reactions to triggers don’t lead to the desired outcome of more loving interactions.
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