The Importance of Taking a Break From Your Divorce

Sometimes the best course of action is to Do Nothing. In divorce, we are spinning our wheels and often going nowhere. It is hard to stay focused with so much going on during divorce proceedings.

Our brains are on overload and our bodies are exhausted. What is the antidote to this craziness? Step back and Do Nothing. Having a block of time to do whatever you fancy is the way to recharge your batteries.  This resets your mind and body, so you can tackle the tasks, such as negotiating the split of marital assets.

Why Taking a Break From Your Divorce is Important:

Stress increases the risk of cardiovascular events and hormones such as cortisol, are released. This can cause headaches, gastrointestinal issues and for some of us, brain fog. Making decisions can be overwhelming. The Mayo Clinic states “Taking time to rest and relax with no particular goals can help reduce stress and bring a sense of calm and control.” Downtime allows the brain to process information which has been received.

The subconscious mind can put together new ideas to solve the complex issues that come with divorce. Having downtime increases creativity. Artists and writers often have unstructured periods to let their minds wander. While seemingly doing nothing, creative concepts are bubbling up to the surface,

Think about when you were a child and had lazy days doing nothing. Most likely you were relaxed and enjoyed life. Bring this feeling into your present situation. I was surprised to see a children’s book in our local bookstore titled “Do Nothing.” A few adults were picking it up and reading it.

You’ll be More Productive by Taking a Break from Your Divorce:

People may mistake taking downtime as not being productive. It is the opposite, as one’s body and mind are being recharged, like our electronic devices. Consider leaving gaps in your schedule to chill out or do a favorite activity. Give yourself permission to nap, read a book,  stroll in a leafy park, or whatever is pleasurable. This can be like a mini vacation which is rejuvenating.

An individual may have a jam-packed agenda as a way to avoid feeling emotions that are uncomfortable. Trying to brush them aside does not make them go away. These emotions can come back with a greater intensity. Deal with these feelings and the trigger behind them. If there is a sticky point in proceedings, discuss it with your attorney. If staying very busy to keep from having scary thoughts, also express your fears to your legal advisor.

When feeling jittery and unable to Do Nothing, consider taking up a sport, or a relaxing activity, such as yoga. My son and I took Tai Chi classes during and after my divorce. We both were calmer and could then enjoy downtime.

A young adult whom I take care of one morning a week introduced me to this concept. He has cerebral palsy and can only string several words together at a time. I ask him what he would like to do and often it is basketball.  On a regular basis, this young adult’s reply also is “Do Nothing.” We might sit in his lovely patio and listen to the various bird calls. Or possibly take a walk and look at flower filled gardens. I was amazed at how refreshed I became after following his directive to Do Nothing.

As I began to practice this, I started to be less frazzled. I am calm in my new job and less stressed overall.

My divorce would have been smoother if I had known is it okay to Do Nothing. I did take three trips during proceedings, two were abroad. Doing Nothing for parts of them got me energized and ready to get down to divorce business upon my return. It is delightful taking a break to read a great British or Scandinavian mystery now, without feeling that I am slacking off.

When feeling stressed out during divorce proceedings and needing to restore your equilibrium, consider blocking off a bit of your schedule to Do Nothing. Enjoy time for yourself without the guilt.