Karma and Divorce

People often make references to karma. My mother’s favorite one was to talk about how whatever you put out into the universe comes back at you ten fold, so be careful what you put out.  Another coach I know talks about how we train people how to treat us, and that how we live part of our lives is how we will live throughout our lives.  Whatever your belief system around karma, it can certainly come back to bite you in a divorce.

When going through a divorce there are issues to consider that the rest of the world doesn’t have to, like how the judge views our actions or how the greater community will. Even more profound is how the children will view us if there are children involved.  Our actions are constantly being watched.

I got divorced about 8 years ago, and almost a year ago my ex-husband passed away.  I ended up having 4 court battles with his mother, some of which are documented in my upcoming book, for my own children.  I finally won the latest battle with her when the judge denied her visitation petition.  The judge stated that in his opinion there was no pattern of denial and I had done everything required of me,  and for the first time in 8 years a judge praised me from the bench for being reasonable.

A few days after this victory in court, his mother asked me if she could come and see the children.  I would be lying if I said I didn’t want to do it.  I would be lying if I said I welcomed her with open arms and no conditions.  However, I did in fact welcome her, for two reasons.  The first being, we will all die one day and I don’t wish to stand before my creator and explain why I was unkind to this woman when kindness could have been performed, and the second being I think if I were in her shoes I would want someone to be kind to me.  A bonus is that my children got to learn that even when we don’t like people we should behave with grace, poise, and dignity toward them.

The visit was difficult and to say otherwise would again be a lie, but it’s now in the rear-view mirror.  How other people treat us is their karma, we’re not in control of their attitudes and actions toward us. All we can do is endure and choose our own actions.  The choices we make, the reactions and responses we give, that is our karma.  I can raise my head high and know I did the right thing, and others will on some level have to live with the fact that they misjudged me.  Either way, when I go before my creator, I will not be standing in account for the actions of others, I will only be accountable for myself.

I like to think that in leading by example, I will have made some small impact in the lives of a group of people who can only be described as haters of me. Either way, I can look at my karma and know that I’ve made the best choices I can. As for the ex-mother in law she appreciated my kindness towards her, and said she will tell everyone how pleasant I was and what a privilege I extended. She seemed to appreciate the opportunity, and in this small way I can feel good about my own actions.

What’s your karma? Are you stuck in the karma of others by letting them call the shots over your actions and emotions, or are you taking back your own karma?