The challenges that we face in life are numerous. To be honest, it’s impossible to list them down on a piece of paper. It’s even worse for women, especially moms.
Moms have a hard time overcoming challenges while they are married. So you may assume that things get better once one of the problems (the problematic husbands) have been removed from the picture. You’re wrong!
In essence, single moms have to carry the extra burden left behind by their departed husbands.
Below is a list of mental barriers single moms need to push through.
Eventually, you’ll be able to push through all of them and find a better ground.
1. Finding Some Time for Yourself
Finding some time for yourself between work and children can be challenging. First of all, you’re earning for two people. Second, you are raising the children all by yourself.
Unless you have a stellar resume with big degrees and tons of work experiences, trying to earn for two people sounds impossible. No matter how willing you are to do your best, you have limitations. On the other hand, you are doing everything for your children – paying tuition, taking them to classes, helping them with their homework and taking care of the house. It’s easy to get lost in that mess.
Solution
If you’re sharing custody of your children with your ex-husband, good. You will get some time for yourself when your children are staying with him.
If you aren’t and the children are with you the majority of the time, buy some engaging toys to keep your children busy when you’re home. That way you can take the time to bathe a little longer, sleep a little more and do nothing for a while.
In addition, you can also do something that you love and can include your children to share your passion.
2. Paying for Everything
This is one of the biggest fears women have about being a single mom. Will I be able to pay financially support my children all by myself?
Often times, many women stick to unhealthy and toxic marriages despite how painful it is to live with their husbands. They bear the pain fearing the risk of not being able to provide financially for their families.
With divorce rates increasing by the year, many women are exposed to single motherhood early in their lives. Hence they are aware of the challenges of single motherhood.
They have studied and have come up with their own ways to overcome those problems women from the previous generations could not resolve. Hats off to those ladies!
Solution
If you’ve decided to be a single mom, then you’re already an alpha female. Alpha females are like lionesses. They build themselves up in such a way that they take care of their own and of people they care about.
They don’t depend on men for support or livelihood. In fact, they are highly educated and intelligent enough to find their way through life no matter what obstacles hinder their paths.
Moreover, there are federal programs for struggling single moms, specifically established for single moms, where all types of resources and help are available for struggling single moms. Find one near you and get your life back up!
You can also find single mom communities online. There, you can meet other single moms like you, make friends and be there for each other at times of need.
3. Healing from PTSD
Divorces are common in abusive marriages. In fact, some single moms have never been married before. Many are simply victims of sexual assaults.
Single motherhood may be the result of various things. Regardless, bad experiences of the past leave a lasting scar. Even when the trouble has passed, those troubles of the past haunt people forever.
Many single moms with a history of abuse are advised to see a professional therapist after the divorce, bad break up or sexual assault. Think about it: How can you give your children a good life if you are hurting inside and suffering from PTSD?
Solution
Don’t let your children grow up in the shadow of your trauma. Don’t let them take care of you. Take care of yourself.
See a professional therapist as soon as possible. Don’t make excuses.
Keep a journal where you can pour out all your emotional baggage. By no means burden those emotions on your children. It will cripple them in the long run.
Restrain yourself from discussing your life problems with your children. They have their own worries to handle, so don’t trouble them with yours.
Get in touch with friends and talk to them when you’re feeling down. If you’re close to your family, let them support you through the healing process.
Meanwhile, work out, do some yoga and meditate. Try to eat healthily, and live healthy as well.
4. Resenting Your Ex
It is quite obvious. If you were satisfied with your husband, you wouldn’t have left him in the first place.
Learning to forgive and forget the ex-husband is tough enough, imagine if you have to forgive and forget the abuser! But ladies, you have no choice.
When you hold onto the bad experiences of your lives, you are storing lots of toxicity within yourself. You can’t avenge the person by holding onto bad emotions.
Solution:
Real revenge is when you become a living example of someone who had bad experiences in life but overcame them with benevolence and nobility. Don’t bad mouth your ex-husband in front of your children, because he is their dad. Once upon a time, this man was your Prince Charming, and you two were so madly in love that you decided to have children together.
How you portray your ex-husband before your children will affect them emotionally in ways you can’t even imagine. So, be kind to yourself and your children, and don’t let them share the burden of your personal problems.
Stepheny is a content writer at FeedFond. She’s a loving mother to her two children and is passionate about psychology and philosophy. She loves writing about kids toys, tips, parenting, household improvement and much more.
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