Adversity and Positive Self-Image: That’s How Men Navigate Divorce!

Have you ever heard of Murphy’s Law? You’re probably thinking, “Heard of it? I’ve lived it!” Murphy’s Law says, “If anything can go wrong, it will go wrong.” People quote that all of the time. Some people actually believe that it’s true, even though there’s no factual basis for it. 

Really inspiring way to go through life, huh? 

I have found that almost the exact opposite is true, if you will just recognize it. 

How Do Men Navigate Divorce?

Another way to view adversity

Clement Stone, who was a self-made, multi-millionaire back in the thirties said, “Every adversity has the seed of an equivalent or greater benefit.” So, everything that you have to go through could somehow be used for your benefit. 

There are adversities, as you well know, but recognize that they come with an equivalent or even a greater benefit. The first step is believing it, the second is finding it. If you will look for the benefit, you will be much better off than if you just focus on the adversity. 

What we are talking about doing here is using everything to your advantage. This simple sentence is just a condensed philosophy of life. Please don’t pick it apart and try to find an exception. That would just miss the point. 

Adversity as a learning experience

Everything that happens can potentially be, at the very least, a learning experience for you. I know that some horrible things happen to people, but what is being offered here is a way to view the vast majority of your life in a way that will benefit you. 

Everything that can go wrong, does not always go wrong. Yet, people think this way and let it influence their thinking all the time. Why not choose an equally correct/incorrect philosophy that will assist you in creating the life that you want? 

You can choose either one of these philosophies to live by, Murphy’s or Stone’s. Murphy’s will keep you focused on the negatives in your life. Stone’s will keep you looking for benefits and solutions. For now, just start considering that maybe your life experiences are how you make progress.

You must feel good about yourself in order to make the most of adversity

The improvements in your life start with you improving your thoughts. Right now, your self-esteem is probably pretty low. Big wonder. You’ve been attacked, insulted, lied about, stolen from and watched your life crumble. You’ve taken a huge financial hit and you are pretty powerless against the system. 

One of the reasons that I wrote this book is because I’ve seen so many good men navigate divorce and struggle through it. I’ve seen men never recover from a devastating divorce. I’m here to tell you that you can do much more than recover. Your opinion of yourself is one of the first things that you need to fix. 

This is the most important opinion that you have! I’m here to tell you that nobody is perfect. Marriages fail. You’re not the first guy to have a failed marriage. Having a failed marriage does not mean that you are a failure. It means you have some lessons to learn. Join the club. 

You are not a terrible husband, father, person, just because your ex proclaims it so. You are not powerless just because the legal system has usurped most of your legal rights. You have the ability to succeed, if you want to succeed bad enough!  

You have to want to succeed bad enough that you’re willing to tolerate temporary inconveniences.

You also are going to need some self-confidence.

I know that it’s tough to be confident when you’re broke, but look at the word broke. In the middle of the word broke is the word OK. It’s OK to be broke… if you have a plan. 

We’ll talk more about your plan later, for now, just understand that being broke is nothing more than a temporary inconvenience. Also understand that your current circumstances are not an indication of your intelligence or your ability. Even champions get knocked down… but they don’t stay down.

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This article has been edited and excerpted from From Ex To Excellence (2021) by Brian Dillon. Dillon exposes the family law system for unjustly financially decimating men and for preventing them from being active in their children’s lives. He wrote this book to teach divorced men how to deal with divorce, reach financial independence, and how to gallantly go from their ex to excellence. www.fromextoexcellence.com