Ask Ivana: January 2001

I‘ve been dating a guy for seven years, and he’s just not willing to commit to getting married. I want marriage, kids — the whole nine yards. What should I do?
— Still Waiting in Toronto

Dear Waiting,
If you want to go the whole nine yards, then I suggest you start walking! You know what you want and what this guy doesn’t want; seven years is a long time to have a relationship without seeing a light at the end of the tunnel. Move on! Right now you’re just wasting time hoping that this guy will finally make a commitment to you.

I’m pretty sure my wife is cheating on me. I still love her, and don’t want my marriage to be over. Should I confront her, or should I try to ignore it?
— Suspicious in New York

Dear Suspicious,
You’ll only ignore this situation if you’re a coward. If you confront your wife, then at least you’ll know where you stand. You say you’re pretty sure, but not entirely sure that she’s being unfaithful. Afterwards, make a decision to stay or leave based on what you discover. Personally, I decided to leave my marriage after I discovered that my ex-husband was cheating. In my opinion, once the trust is broken, the relationship is also broken.

My ex-husband took our 13-year-old son out and let him get a tattoo. I am furious about this and think my ex should pay to have it removed, but he and my son just tell me to “lighten up.” What should I do?
— Furious in Chicago

Dear Furious,
You should lighten up. Sure, your husband could have come to you and told you about their little father-son conspiracy pact, but he didn’t, and now your son has a tattoo. But so what? If your child were a girl, I could understand your being upset, but think about it this way: tattoos on men can be quite attractive (depending on what they look like, of course!). My current boyfriend has two tattoos, and I think they’re cool.

My ex and I are now separated after 15 years of marriage, and I’m nervous about getting back into the dating scene. Is there anything I can do to prepare myself — emotionally and/or physically?
— Nervous in San Diego

Dear Nervous,
When I first separated, I didn’t know where to start or even how to flirt. I found the best solution was to go out with friends first. Ask them to pick you up at your home — this will avoid the embarrassing or anxious moment when you walk in the room, restaurant, theater, etc. alone. People look at you and think, “Poor dear: can’t get a date.” Eventually, via friends or by chance, you’ll find a new man. Don’t try too hard. Meanwhile, pamper yourself, go to the gym, and eat healthy foods to help you look and feel your best. The best is yet to come.