Whether you’re legally separating or filing for divorce it’s extremely important that you don’t allow your emotions to get the best of you — it’s important that you keep a level head and make certain your financial affairs are in order.
One of the most common mistakes I see many of my clients make is that they are so preoccupied with their feelings (and for good reason!) that they can’t step aside and take stock of their finances. However, what I try to impress upon my clients is that the financial disasters they create during and after a marital dissolution could impact them for years to come.
The following are a list of some of the more important considerations you may want to think about should you find yourself in the breakup of a relationship:
- Provide your attorney with a list of assets and liabilities you are aware of. Include everything: Not just the house, the car, and the furniture, but credit card debt, what you owe the bank, the IRS, and any contracts you’ve entered into, even those that are easy to overlook like the monthly agreement to pay the pool man. After making this list, and after turning it over to your attorney, take action on your own. What I mean by that is cancel all credit cards and open new ones in your name only. Before you cancel a credit card used by your spouse, warn him or her and help that spouse get new credit cards in his or her name alone. Write your creditors letters as back up, don’t just make these arrangements by phone. You want everything in writing. There are clear and long-lasting benefits only documented records can provide. When you confer with your attorney, insist that your property settlement agreement calls for the payoff of all debts. Even if your ex says he or she will pay off the MasterCard balance as a part of the settlement agreement, don’t agree to that, for third party creditors can still hold you liable. If the debt is a joint debt belonging to you and your spouse, the third party creditor is not obligated to chase only your spouse for payment regardless of what your divorce decree states. It’s generally better to sell the house, for instance, and use the proceeds to pay off all debts. It not only provides you with a clean start, it also affords you tremendous peace of mind knowing no one can come after you to collect money. Don’t forget anything like the phone company and all other utilities, either. I find that people who move to a condo and leave the house to their former spouse often forget to have their name taken off of the utility bills. If your ex starts calling Brazil and doesn’t pay the phone bill, guess who’s still on the hook? And under the new bankruptcy laws, if you haven’t severed ties appropriately, you may still be liable for your spouse’s debts in the event he or she files a Chapter 7 action, too.
- Make certain any stocks and bonds you are awarded are reissued in your name. This often takes lots of paperwork and tedious follow through but it’s well worth it in the long run. Also, make sure you have a new broker (or money manager) or one that is not also working for your ex. Though some brokers can be mutual and keep relationships with both parties even after the divorce, I find it’s better to have a broker (or money manager) who is strictly looking after your interests!
- If you’re keeping any outside service professionals on call — the pool man, the house cleaning service, the gardener — make sure they’re under contract to you and that they are not owed anything under your old arrangement with them. If your ex continues to retain the services of the pool man, for example, and this pool man is still owed several hundred dollars under your old contract, you too will be forced to pay it. So, the message is: get a fresh start.
- Re-do your will and living trust. Hire a new and an independent Estate Planning attorney to draft it. This document is one that is far too often overlooked but could be one of the most important documents you update or redo. After all, you wouldn’t want your heirs to suffer, especially your children from a previous marriage.
- Hire a new accountant/business manager to make certain you are financially sound. You don’t want the same person who was looking out for your spouse since that person might not be as objective and also be torn between his allegiance toward you and your former spouse. You want to assure that your financial matters are very private and that the person you choose to look after them is your sole advocate.
- If you’re the spouse who was not that involved with the financial matters of your marriage, you can always contact an independent credit source to determine what debts are outstanding — debts that perhaps you may not have known about. You can also retain the services of private investigation service to make certain all your financial bases are covered. When you consider what you’re already going through in a marital breakup, and what it’s costing you, you certainly don’t want more stress and unhappy surprises.
Before you marry again, consult with Estate Planning and bankruptcy attorneys, and an accountant. Each of these professionals can help you plan wisely in the event of another breakup. Something else to consider next time around: A prenuptial agreement!
Stacy D. Phillips is a co-founder of Blank Rome LLP, which specializes in high-profile family law matters. She is a Certified Family Law Specialist by the State Bar of California Board of Legal Specialization.
James Neal Sullivan says
Yes I agree about financial mistakes lasting for years I let my emotions win I wasn’t fair to my spouse didn’t value her like I should have after we separated I spiraled down emotionally financially mentally I didn’t realize her loyalty made me extremely stable I gave myself credit for acquiring all that we had I made 4 times what she did and my selfishness I thought ion acquired it all so I should do what I want with it I sign my house over to my mother to keep from having to split she sent lost it in bankruptcy I moved out of state and slowly lost all of my assets the vehicles I didn’t make good financial decisions because they were driven from emotion I lost everything I had created I became homeless I could not keep employment could not pay rent slowly sold why could you survive it support the kids ideal I was at rock bottom emotionally financially my ex-wife then stepien and took advantage of my instability and gained full custody of the kid which made me react more emotionally with decisions that or not supposed to be made based on emotion after that I was homeless and unemployed for 5 years child support has caught up with me and I am in arrears fighting tooth-and-nail just to stay out of jail I committed a crime trying to find stability hoping to go to prison for 5 years they do not send me to prison rehab and probation because of what I did deliberately trying to go it was an awful crime and everyone in the local area I will never forget me on the news I still struggle with employment 6 years later I get jobs and I am a good worker but there’s always somebody up higher that remembers in my face and I lose them as quick as I attain them now after the struggle I can see how valuable my ex-wife was you weren’t we acquired her actions support and loyalty may need the very stable person that it took to have vehicles and a house and property completely paid for at 28 are only bills wer Electric a car insurance if I were had the stability in making financial decisions from the beginning the outcome would have been entirely different I should have been fair with her for what she had done for me I didn’t play fair and it bit me in the ass today I see how valuable a wife she is losing all of my comfort and security I have been miserable since my divorce now that I see white I didn’t then I would be blessed to be her husband but she deserves way better of a man than I can ever be today I respect her I am proud of her and I see her new husband very stable all I want to do is to had the opportunity to work and pay my child support I do not want to be in jail but the court does not understand my emotional distress mental capability and financial hardship at times it would be easier to be in jail 4 the stability but my kids deserve their daddy and for him to help support them sometimes it’s not the spouse that ends up so bad sometimes the role is reversed and when it is nobody seems to understand the guy that made it everything at 28 now care not even function normally I am doing good still struggling with stability employment and finance but after six years things are starting to get better it will take me the rest of my life to acquire what I did in 8 years with a good wife divorce is overrated and condemned by God the grass isn’t always greener on the other side from my experience except your partner for Being Human as they are love is a choice choose to do the right thing keep your Institution sacred don’t mistreat your other if they are loyal don’t abandon them if you do you will not win everyone loses in a divorce especially the children if I could take it back I would in a heartbeat but the woman that still carries my last name is worthy of so much better than I