How do I ask my spouse for a divorce?

You do not need your spouse’s consent to get a divorce. So the real question is: how do you break the news to your spouse that you want one?

I advise my clients to have this discussion in a public place — somewhere where they can have a private conversation but also have a secure setting that will reduce the chances for an outburst or arguments. If you’re not comfortable with this approach, you can meet with your spouse with a counselor and have the counselor guide you through the discussions about divorce.

It is very common for one spouse to be ready to act long before the other spouse has adjusted to the idea of a divorce. In this situation, I advise my client to take it slow and allow their spouse time to adjust. Remember that the way you start your divorce will set the tone for the rest of your case and the future interactions with your spouse. The decision to divorce is never easy, but maintaining dignity and respect will help you at all stages.

Julie Mack is a family-law attorney and divorce mediator with Brave, Weber & Mack in San Diego, CA.