Huffington Post contributor Rosalind Sedacca has some wise advice to help divorcing spouses transition from being a parent, to being a co-parent.
“One of the best things you
can do for your children is to transition smoothly to co-parenting
with your former spouse,” writes Sedacca. “It won’t always be
easy and there will certainly be challenges along the way, but
[there] are some things to remember that will help make your new
co-parenting relationship work.”
Sedacca going on to list 4
things that co-parents should be aware of in order to avoid the
pitfalls, and make their new domestic situation work for everyone:
1. Avoid criticizing or “bad mouthing” your ex.
Children don’t interpret things the same way adults do, and may
internalize the criticism and ultimately seem themselves at fault for
causing mom or dad to be upset with the other. It’s also important
to make sure any communication with your children about your ex is
age-specific.
2. Don’t replace your ex with a new partner.
While it’s OK to involve yourself in a new relationship after
divorce – though, hopefully, for all of the right reasons – don’t
suddenly deny your ex special moments with the children and instead hand
them over to your new partner.
3. Ensure that both you and your ex can attend significant events, such as birthdays, etc.
Again, while this may not be your idea of a great time, this
isn’t about you: it’s about your children. And if it’s not
possible for both parents to attend, then ensure that your
children understand why (i.e. “dad is on a business trip” or “mom
is working”). If they aren’t told the reason, they may assume that
it’s somehow their own fault.
4. Pick your post-divorce battles wisely.
While, ideally, there won’t be any battles at all, that’s not
realistic for most former spouses. There are going to be
disagreements, misunderstandings, and other events that are going
to make things rocks. It’s in everyone’s best interest to
carefully pick and choose which issues are worthy of “going to
war” and which ones should be conceded or, at least, subject to
compromise.
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