My spouse and I thought our divorce was going to be rather simple but it seems to be getting more complicated and contentious.

You and your spouse are in the best position to negotiate and if you can still do so directly, you’ll keep things simpler and more civil.

Also, keep talking with your lawyer about how best to present your needs and your case to the other side. Your attorney remains valuable to you as a resource for knowledge and counsel and advocating for your interests. At some point, your attorney will likely communicate on your behalf. If you are able to complement one another in your dealings with your spouse and her attorney, you’re that much better off. The words and meaning will not get lost regardless of who is speaking to whom. Without clear communication with your spouse, you may begin to identify her behaviors as hostile and even her whole persona in a negative light. Once this happens, meaningful negotiations are difficult to conduct.

You can also find a third person to help the two of you communicate, whether it is a mutual friend, a pastor, or a mediator. These more neutral individuals can help bridge some of your communication gaps and, in the case of a mediator, help the two of you reach some agreements about your settlement.

Thomas J. Petrelli, Jr. is a partner at Petrelli Previtera Schimmel, LLC, focusing on cases of divorce and related matters, support, custody, and parental rights.