The following tips work for anyone, single or married, divorced, male or female, who would like to increase his or her overall attractiveness and become simply irresistible.
4. Smile, Be Happy!
I used to live right in the middle of New York City. People don’t smile as much there as they do in other parts of the country. Yet there is nothing so attractive as a smile. If you want to be irresistible, smile. It takes a lot more energy to frown and be grumpy than it does to be happy. Why waste your energy being unhappy when you can just decide to be happy? It really is a conscious choice. Thomas Leonard, the founder of Coach U, once said that while pain isn’t optional, suffering is. Life has its ups and its downs and with that will inevitably come some pain. You can’t avoid the pain, but you can choose whether or not to suffer about it. I always explain this by asking if my clients have ever seen a three-legged dog. When a dog loses a leg for whatever reason, he doesn’t suffer about it. The pain is just as real, but he licks his wounds and gets on with life. Dogs don’t wander about dejected and aimless because they are missing a leg. They are just as happy and excited to see you as before. Nor do they let this get in the way of finding a doggy mate. Life goes on with or without the leg. People are the ones who choose to suffer. This doesn’t mean that painful things don’t happen. It certainly doesn’t mean that you won’t ever cry or feel terribly sad. It is a joy to be sad when you are sad and it is a joy to be angry when you are angry. Revel in your feelings—enjoy them. Cry your eyes out if you feel like it. But overall, you are a happy camper because you’ve chosen to be happy.
You also have to ask yourself if you’ve set your life up to make yourself happy. I am always amazed at the number of people who are on medication for depression who are in jobs they hate. If you hate your job and are doing it eight or more hours a day, how can you expect to be happy? You aren’t supposed to be happy. Your unhappiness indicates that you need to find a different job. Or for that matter, a different mate. If you aren’t doing anything in your life that makes you happy, you probably will be depressed.
For a quick cure, make a list of all the things that make you happy and start doing those immediately. For example, one client takes a nightly bubble bath complete with candles, a glass of white wine, and a good book. This helped her relax and unwind after a stressful day of work. Another client decided to bike to work instead of drive and found this was a simple way to build in daily exercise and made him feel great at the start of every day. Another client is happiest when helping others so volunteers at a local hospital and visits both children and elderly. One woman loves babies but has no children of her own. She volunteers to hold babies at the hospital. Go eat an ice-cream cone in the park or take a kid to see the zoo. The more things you do that make you feel happy, the happier you’ll feel. A bit obvious, yes, but it is amazing how often we don’t take time to do anything at all that makes us happy. Unfortunately, watching TV doesn’t make you happy, and that is what most do at the end of the day. Do something that will naturally put a smile on your face.
On the other hand, you can also fake it a bit. If you are not in the habit of smiling, it may take practice. Go smile at fifty people this week. Count them. Smile at the grocery store clerk. Smile at your boss. Smile at the parking lot guy. Smile at yourself. Every time you are in the bathroom, look in the mirror, give your best smile, and say, “Hi, good looking!” Even if you don’t think it’s true. In fact, especially if you don’t think it’s true. One client kept saying that he was ugly. He loved to dance but was often rejected by women on the dance floor at the local clubs. I asked him to do this exercise and one month later he told me women were asking him to dance! And if he asked a lady to dance and she turned him down, he would say, “That’s too bad, you are missing out on a great turn around the floor.” A scientific study proved that when you smile, the muscle movement releases endorphins in your body and you actually feel better. If you don’t feel like it, fake it. Smile anyway for the practice and enjoy those endorphins. You’ll look and feel irresistible.
5. Listen Like You’ve Never Listened Before
Most people like to think that they are good listeners. Very few people actually are. Think about the people you know. Of all your friends and family, how many really listen to you? Listening is an art and, like any skill, takes practice. For most of us, no one ever taught us how to listen. We were taught to speak, but never to listen. Listening is very attractive. Stop worrying so much about what you are going to say and try keeping your stories to yourself.
Listening and keeping your stories to yourself will lead to an unexpected result. The person who does the most talking end up feeling like he or she knows and trusts the listener. It seems like it should be the reverse, that the person listening should feel like he or she knows the talker, but this isn’t the case. A well-known reporter confirmed this. He said that the way to build trust in someone is to listen and keep on listening.
As a general rule, the ideal guideline would be to talk 20 percent of the time and listen 80 percent of the time. Try this today and see what happens. You might be surprised at the things people will tell you when you really listen. And they will love you for listening.
Here is a tip: if you are with someone and you aren’t talking, but you are talking to yourself in your head, perhaps coming up with your response or judging and evaluating what the person is saying, you aren’t really listening. You are talking to yourself in your head. Yes, that little voice that just said, “What are you talking about? I don’t talk to myself.” You might just as well get up and stand in a corner and talk to yourself. Next time you are listening to someone, notice how much you talk to yourself. Then shift your focus back to the other person. Hear everything he or she has to say before you even start to think of a response.
Listening is not so easy; it takes practice. Experiment. The more you listen, the more attractive you will be. And an excellent listener is simply irresistible.
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This article has been edited and excerpted from The Secret Law of Attraction with permission by McGraw Hill Publications, Inc. The Secret Law of Attraction, copyright © 2008, Talane Miedaner, the owner and founder of Talane Coaching Company, has gained international prominence as a life coach by guiding hundreds of clients to find wealth, success, and happiness. |
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