So, it didn’t work out the way you thought it would… you skipped the prenup, and now you have a painful mess.
But take heart, the re-marriage rate is about 50%, so here are some great tips to prevent money from being the AXE next time.
Why less money doesn’t have to mean more problems
We have been living in a financially inflated economy for over seven years. Though in some areas, there has been a significant uptick, some of that stress has seeped into our relationships, and that has led to a rise in divorces.
70% of married couples fight about money, which is more than they fight about household chores, kids, and who left the seat up.
Ironically, for some couples, these fights are actually a great chance to address some larger issues that they are facing.
Here are 8 actions that will keep financial issues from leading to divorce:
Accept that you have an issue.
Acknowledge with your partner that there is financial tension in your marriage and make a date to sit down together to discuss it. Make sure you have total privacy; don’t involve your kids, turn your cell phones off, and don’t have any other distractions.
Get organized.
Each of you should list your concerns, pet peeves, and things you’ve always wanted to say but were afraid to bring up. If you think your partner makes poor money decisions (or has unreasonable expectations of how you should spend money), this is the time to discuss it.
Be vulnerable
Nothing builds emotional intimacy better than you and your partner admitting your fears, where you ache, and what conflicts you struggle with.
Know what you want
At the end of the sharing, make a list of goals. They can be things like building a savings account together, agreeing to discuss all purchases over $300, or even taking a temporary position until you find a great full-time job.
Have fun
You married each other because you liked each other. Make a list of things to do together without the kids that are more fun than expensive. Focusing on each other is the best investment in your relationship.
Keep three accounts: “mine,” “yours,” and “ours”
Decide together how much should be contributed to each account. How much each of you brings home is fairly predictable, so you can create a budget and keep your commitments to each other. This will help build respect and trust between you.
Stay on top of the problem
If you struggle to pay off a debt, have a weekly update to stay accountable. This chat will keep you on track with your payments and ensure that important expenses, like your life insurance premium, don’t get ignored.
Build an emergency fund
This fund will keep the panic away when unexpected expenses happen — the dishwasher goes on the fritz, the transmission in your car needs to be replaced, your dog needs surgery, etc.
Make space for this in your budget, even if it’s a small contribution; the consistency of doing so builds self-trust and not panic when the bill arrives.
At the end of the day, you can manage the money issues in your relationship; you just need to be frank (without pointing fingers), committed, and mature. You chose to marry your partner for a whole range of reasons, but sometimes the road gets challenging.
But never fear; sharing the difficulty will make your relationship stronger.
Pegi Burdick
I am a financial coach specializing in helping women and men turn around their stress and shame about money.
I am a published author, and my book It’s Never About the Money, even when it is available on Amazon.
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