Tips from Divorce Therapists, Coaches, and Educators

Divorce professionals in mental-health and education fields across North America offer their tips on how to ease the divorce process…

“There is no such thing as being ‘suddenly’ single. In the initial stages of divorce, the physical everyday presence of your partner is no longer a taken-for-granted fact of life. But he or she is still very much present — along with the married life you had — in your mind and feelings.

“You learn to become single through the mourning process. Mourning is living through the sum of emotions you have in response to the loss of your partner. Mourning the loss of your partner is the natural and normal way to let go of someone who is no longer present in the familiar way.

“The mourning process is your key to healing yourself. Fighting it by pretending everything is fine (when it isn’t), trying to hasten it, or denying its existence, will only keep you stuck. As human beings, our resilience allows us to grieve and recover.”

— Dr. Deborah Hecker, National Divorce Counselor by Telephone

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“If you are going through a divorce and you are a parent, attend a skill-based parent-education class. In fact, it is mandatory in some states. Few parents realize the benefit of parent education until they are actually in such a class. Profound insight and considerable research has taken place on how to make family relationships work well. Your family conflict can be resolved or avoided altogether with these advanced skills.

“Avoid the common tendency to feel like a victim and blame the other parent for your divorce, as it makes the divorce much more difficult on you and your children. Instead, develop better skills at these parent-education classes, such as effective communication techniques, win-win problem-solving methods, and promoting (not destroying) self-esteem. When you know better, you will do better!”

— Jayne A. Major, Ph.D., Parent Educator, Los Angeles, California