Unwanted Items, Divorce from a child’s perspective, and British study

• Bid farewell to unwanted items
• Divorce… from a child’s perspective
• British study suggests women are happier than men following divorce
• Survey participants value honesty, kindness most in future partners

Bid farewell to unwanted items

One of the most challenging aspects of divorce is the separation of marital property. Wedding gifts, presents from one spouse to the other, and other items of sentimental (and monetary) value acquired during the marriage are decidedly difficult to divvy up. But once the dust settles, you may find yourself with several items of considerable worth that you a) don’t really need, b) never really liked, or c) remind you of “what’s-his/her-name.” Resist the temptation to give away or sell these objects at bargain basement prices. Instead, market them yourself for what they’re worth. Then you can afford to buy something you really love with the proceeds, something that will help you move on with your new life.

Begin by doing a little research to determine the current market value of your items. Visit the reference department of your public library or do a Google search. Once you’ve determined their worth, make a few phone calls to local antique or consignment stores to see if anyone is interested in buying them. Be prepared to negotiate with the dealer, taking into account his or her commission. You might also consider taking a table at an antique market or, if you’re Internet-savvy, sell these objects yourself on an online auction. It’s the perfect, anonymous way to turn these unwanted items into cash. (One friend of mine even sold her wedding dress on the Internet!)

The best-known, most reputable online auction house is, of course, eBay. Once you check out the site, you’ll see just how easy it is to sell on-line. The process is simplified by the site’s detailed how-tos.

Getting started:

• Start with an item that you don’t care a lot about that you know will sell. Practice makes perfect.
• Search eBay for similar items to help you determine pricing, key words, category, and demand. If something similar (at a reasonable starting price) isn’t moving, consider a different item.
• Use a good digital camera to photograph your item. Clear photographs are critical!
• Your title and description are just as important. Describe the item fully, including any flaws, combining carefully chosen keywords with carefully crafted selling points.
• Plan to end your auction in the evening hours, but not on a Thursday evening, when television programs will keep bidders away from their computers. Auctions ending early on Sunday evenings always seem do well.
• Offer convenient payment options. Sign up for a PayPal account, either with or without credit card option so your transactions are easy for the buyer and safe for you.
• Lastly, be professional, honest, and ethical. It’s the right thing to do, plus eBay buyers provide feedback on transactions that establishes a buyer’s online reputation, for better or worse.

For tips on selling to antique or consignment stores, consider Tony Hyman’s Trash or Treasure Guide to the Best Buyers: How and Where to Easily Sell Collectibles, Antiques & Other Treasures. For expert eBay advice, check out eBay for Dummies by Marsha Collier and How to Sell Anything on eBay… and Make a Fortune by Dennis Prince.

Divorce… from a child’s perspective

Looking for a great, kid-friendly divorce resource for your children? Look no further than the PBS website It’s My Life. Created by the U.S.-based public broadcaster, this award-winning site really knows how to speak to kids. Its pages offer children of all ages discussion, information, games, and advice about friends, family, and body to school, emotions, and money. For divorce-related resources, point your browser to www.pbskids.org/itsmylife and choose “Divorce” from the scroll down “Other topics” menu. This great section contains video clips from kids who’ve experienced divorce, articles written especially for children of divorcing parents, an online poll, statistics, and quizzes about divorce and children, and more. Kids can choose from articles like “Getting the News,” “Dealing with Feelings,” and “Things will Get Better.” Each is written in an honest, straightforward manner that lets kids know that they are not alone in experiencing divorce.

Another great resource for young teenagers (9-12) is the poignant Billie’s World, a novel by Kim Grossman Finkel about the impact of divorce on an 11-year-old girl. Loosely based on the author’s own experiences as a preteen with divorce, the book explores a number of other issues experienced by young preteen girls, including peer pressure, boys, friends, adults, and self-esteem. Visit www.billiesworld.com for more information.

British study suggests women are happier than men following divorce

A survey of more than 3,500 people conducted in May and June by the British pollster YouGov.com for the Yorkshire Building Society found that women are far more likely than men to come out of divorce feeling “liberated, relieved, and happy.” Participants were broken down into two groups: those who were currently divorcing/separated or divorced/separated for less than two years and those were divorced/separated for more than two years.  More than half (53%) of the women who had divorced in the past two years said they felt “relieved,” compared to only 46% of the men. Four out of 10 women said they felt “liberated,” but only a third of men expressed the same emotion. More than half the men (56%) said they felt sad at the failure of their marriage while only 45 % of women felt that way. Two out of three marriages fail and more than 150,000 couples divorce every year in Britain. 

Rachel Court, head of mortgages for the Yorkshire Building Society, said: “The differences are startling. Women simply appear to be stronger than men through a break-up and after.”  The building society’s interest in divorcing couples isn’t entirely altruistic:  their new “Fresh Start” mortgage specifically targets individuals emerging from a break-up or divorce. In addition to helping people finance a new home, the service also offers access to independent experts and professionals to help clients deal with the “wider aspects” of their situation, as well as specialized literature, a designated website, and a telephone help-line.

Survey participants value honesty, kindness most in future partners

According to a recent study prepared for the Vanier Institute of the Family by University of Lethbridge, Alberta sociologist Reginald W. Bibby, Canadians value honesty as a quality they desire most in a partner above personality, money, intelligence, and looks. Kindness came in a close second.  The Future Families Survey results also revealed a top-5 list of keys to a happy and lasting relationship, from one to five, they were: honesty, communication, love, patience, and respect. The Vanier Institute surveyed more than 2,000 Canadians who expressed their hopes and dreams about relationships and family life. The survey results are accurate within approximately 3 percentage points either way, 19 times in 20.