Views: On the rebound. Newsflash. There’s always hope.

• On the rebound? Read this.
• Newsflash! You’re getting a divorce!
• There’s always hope

On the rebound? Read this.

FRIENDS and experts commonly caution newly divorced people to slooooooow down and take their time before committing to marriage a second time around. But new research by Nicholas Wolfinger, associate professor in the University of Utah’s Department of Family and Consumer Studies, would seem to suggest that rebound marriages are no more or less likely to increase the chance of another divorce than if an individual waits a longer period of time to tie the knot again. Wolfinger, author of Understanding the Divorce Cycle: The Children of Divorce in Their Own Marriages, published last year, presented his findings in March at the annual meeting of the Population Association of America. “There is no relationship between ‘the rebound marriage’ – that is, a marriage that quickly follows on the heels of the end of another – and divorce,” he said, noting that counseling against a rebound marriage, which, he says, “is intuitive” to most people, “perpetuates the myth that marriages will end if one or both parties marry soon after a divorce.”

“If you rush into a new relationship, others usually interpret it as you are not ready or that you are overly eager or that you haven’t searched long enough for a new partner,” said Wolfinger, who teaches University courses on the family, divorce and remarriage. He was motivated to research the rebound marriage issues by his students, who consistently asked if second (and subsequent) marriages were more likely to end in divorce if the parties marry too soon. “There were no good studies out there that allowed me to answer this question,” said Wolfinger, who also an adjunct associate professor in the University’s Department of Sociology.

The research analyzed 1,171 adults from the National Survey of Families and Households data to determine whether the rebound time (the months elapsed between an initial divorce and subsequent remarriage) affected the stability of a remarriage. Wolfinger measured the end of the first marriage by separation, not divorce, because he said that research suggests that marriage often ends when separation occurs. The new relationship formation was measured from the time the person remarried or started living with someone who then became their spouse.

The same factors that put first marriages at risk, however – lower levels of education and coming from a divorced family – also challenge second marriages, said Wolfinger. “Second marriages have a number of additional factors working against them – the difficulties stepkids represent as well as the fact that the second marriage is a population that has shown its willingness to get divorced. They have done it once and, in essence, they are willing to do it again,” he said.

Many of the disruptions associated with divorce, such as residential mobility, take place within a year or two. But Wolfinger found that much of the clinical literature on divorce, was “vague” in how long emotional recovery takes. “It is safer to say different people recover at different rates,” he said.

Newsflash! You’re getting a divorce!

IT’S a common concern. How do you keep the rumors about your separation and/or divorce from getting out of hand and causing further damage to you, your spouse, and your children? Short of hiring your very own spin doctor, there are several steps you can take to keep the buzz about your news to a dull roar.

• First, say experts, keep your plans to divorce between yourself and your spouse, your therapists, lawyers, and very closest confidantes for as long as possible, preferably until the physical separation occurs. (You know who you can trust.)
• Coordinate the “PR effort” with your soon-to-be ex, write Kay Moffett and Sarah Touborg, authors of Not Your Mother’s Divorce: A Practical, Girlfriend-to-Girlfriend Guide to Surviving the End of an Early Marriage (Broadway Books, New York). Avoid awkward moments by making sure you know who is telling whom, and when, they say.
• Make sure that your children know before the news goes out on the wire. The last thing you want is for your kids to hear (or overhear) about the divorce from a third party.
• Considering telling your children’s teachers and your employers about the divorce. You don’t have to go into great detail; in fact, it’s best if you don’t. They may need a heads-up so they can sensitively support you and your kids as you go through your divorce.
• Resist the temptation, no matter how great, to tell your side of the story, with all the gory details as you perceive them. None of your friends really wants to have to choose between you (this may happen regardless). Knowing less is just what everyone wants (except of course, for the nosiest of your acquaintances, you know the type, the one who has to know the latest juiciest gossip first).
• Take a deep breath: the news about your divorce is “out there” now, but soon, the rumor mill will have moved on to something or someone else.