Divorce can be an especially stressful time as a stay-at-home mom who has dedicated the past few years to raising kids and taking care of the family. By taking time away from their work life, they may be at a disadvantage. This is because it could be hard going back or relearning certain job-skills to make them competitive in the workplace again.
Being a stay-at-home mom is a beautiful way to raise your kids and fill the day with the various stresses and rewards of family care. However, It should not keep you from reaching your financial goals and well-being during a time of divorce.
Divorce & The Stay-At-Home Mom
Get all of your financial documents together:
This includes W2s and tax returns from previous years, income statements including pay stubs, insurance policies, bank statements, details about loans and mortgages, and investment accounts. This will help the attorney understand your financial quality of life over the past few years to ensure that a divorce does not keep you from providing the same financial wellbeing to you and your children moving forward.
Gain access to funds:
You will need access to your marital account to pay for the finances of divorce. Hiring an attorney to represent you is critical so that you can secure your lifestyle after the process has completed. If you lack access to a joint account, you will need to create an individual fund from savings where you can make payments for the representation you need.
Craft a new budget:
Take the time to sit down one day and realistically draw up a budget based on how much is spent monthly on food, clothing, a mortgage on the house, utility bills, phone bills, and other necessities. This will create an outline of what is to be expected to keep supporting your kids and family.
Know what the marital house is worth:
Although you may want to continue living in the marital home for sentimental value to you and your kids, a divorce already stretches you and your spouse financially. It may be wise to have the house appraised and to know how much it is worth. In this way, if the budget needs to be limited, you can always sell the property and downsize to keep paying the bills for necessary items.
Get a handle on your credit:
You can find out your credit score on sites such as Credit Karma. Having a good credit score will allow lenders to feel more confident in lending the funds you need for mortgages on homes, cars, etc. One way to improve your credit score is to pay off student loans from the past. Remember, on credit cards you should never use more than 30% of your available credit line. Also, always pay bills on time, so you do not accumulate a hefty interest fee.
Plan to return to work:
Having a job gives you a chance to set up an individual account and to grant you the financial freedom you need to cover extra expenses. Make a resume with your most up-to-date skills and go on interviews in various industries. If you have already made a budget for yourself, you will know what salary to aim for at the end of each month.
Consider requesting temporary alimony:
If a judge determines that you have been at home for an extended period of time and cannot return to work right away because you do not have immediate skills, he/she will request that your ex-spouse give temporary alimony to cover the lifestyle you have been accustomed to over the years. If no prenuptial agreements were arranged before the marriage, you might be entitled to part of your ex-spouse’s funds.
Hire a team of qualified professionals:
By finding the perfect divorce attorney to represent you, you can come to court prepared to know that you have someone there who understands your needs and where you are coming from. In hiring a team, it is essential to look for someone who has the experience, shows compassion, and has a good reputation for winning settlements in favor of the client’s requests.
Hiring a lawyer to represent you can bring a feeling of felt relief. Having someone on your side to provide knowledge and skills that deliver is an essential reason for hiring a lawyer. Being a stay at home mom while going through a divorce can be stressful and difficult, but you can stay ahead of the game and keep prepared by following this guideline and meeting a lawyer sooner rather than later!
This post first appeared on DivorcedMoms.com
This would be a very hard situation to overcome financially for both parties. I was “lucky” when I divorced my wife and I made almost exactly the same amount of money and had nominal debt. So it was as easy as dividing everything up and one of us moving.
I did think about the time my wife was a stay at home mom, it was for about 5 years and I suggested to my attorney that if things got ugly (they didn’t) I thought it would be fair to be compensated for the time I missed being at home with my daughter during this time providing for the family. Fair is fair after all.
In general the system was fair. My daughter is with me most of the time and without the restrictions from my ex wife’s work schedule my daughter and I can travel the world. Though the person we each want most in our photos is not there 🙁
I worked hard to make sure my wife never had to worry about money. There is no joy in seeing her live a barley average life. There is an account we setup for my daughter that we can use to offset expenses, pay for gymnastics etc and we put money in it each month (she contributes as much as I do) but she doesn’t use any of it to offset her living expenses. Too proud I guess. I am still proud of her 🙂
Kudos to you for being proud of her!!! I’m in a situation where I know things will get ugly and honestly, even though I am the stay at home parent, trust me.. it isn’t going to be fair on how much leeway he will have. Trust me my situation is very complicated…i have put in way more financially (if you could even believe) but I just wanted to say reading your comment makes me happy that you both get along so well afterwards and that you said those kind words about her. As a wife in a bad situation that means alot to a woman so good for you..thats how it should be!:) I am in a very toxic and mentally abusive marriage so that hit me hard. Good for you!
Best of luck and take care!:)
Christina P.
I feel your pain! I’m in the same situation but have 4 kids.
This is a terrible article. What do you do when your husband controls all of the finances? You have no way to improve credit or pay off debt. You can’t save anything to pay an attorney with (and in my case he makes plenty of money for an attorney for himself). If you are not home owners, so there is no property value to bank on. On top of that, he can (and in my case, he will) use all of this as evidence that he is the more stable home for the kids and can provide them with a better life, so I also don’t have a way to secure custody of my children. The amount of assumption and bias in this article is astounding. Not everyone is a straight, white, “christian” family that lives in a long established upper-middle class household with external family support and a 720 credit score. I can almost see the white picket fence etched within the words of this blog. Minimally helpful, and applicable only to a small percentage of modern society.
I agree 100% with unimpressed, and I am a white middle class person with a credit score over 720! But my abusive soon-to-be ex husband has successfully abused me in every way possible for 14 years, including financially. I don’t see any whining, I see the truth being spoken and someone else trying to shut them up. The courts see the evidence and shrug. Abuse is real, devastating, life altering, causes symptoms similar to PTSD, and causes physiological changes in the survivor’s brain. It takes years and years to recover, and that includes financially as well as physically and psychologically. Survivors do pick up the pieces and are amazingly resilient people who put their children first and do their best to act as a human shield to protect their loved ones from the abuse they’ve experienced. Don’t try to shut them down when they speak the truth.
100% love what you said! Except I am no longer strong enough to do it and it all comes down to money!! If I never had to worry about rent for a home with minimum 3 bedroom (I have 2 girls and 2 boys) then I could do it on my own!! I can Not do it PLUS my credit has been destroyed by my first ex husband and the soon to be very last ex ever has me beggin for $10 a week for myself!! Trust me I want out of this relationship just as much but financially I have to try to try to get on my feet first!
The only assumption and bias I see is on your part. You know NOTHING about the family court system and that is clear from your statement. Instead of whining about how unfair life is why don’t you get in gear and do something to help yourself and your children. Or, you can continue to sit on your whiny ass and blame the rest of the world for the position YOUR CHOICES landed you in.
Tanya you shouldn’t ne so quick to judge i have an electrical degree but becausey husnand was i the army i never worked 2 day in the field we were i Germany where there electricity is completely different so i became a stay home mom had another baby and was content taking care of my spouse and children. Fast foward to now he has a great job making good money where i helped him study for college and promotions both in military and in current job but now that i think there is infedelity at work I’m left to figure it out with no income and 2 children accustomed to a certain way of life i can’t afford. Sad to say but I’m stuck ina bad situation and currently still going through it til i can get a job and let’s be honest it’s not the easiest finding a job after not working for so long. Maybe you are in a much better situutio situation and financially secure but there are alot of women who have given up the goals to be a primary care giver at home giving him and the kids all the support and help to make their lives better. I know in my situation i have and bc of it he has a degree and in a supervisor position making 6 figures while i stay home cook clean take care of kids dog laundry oh yeah tons of hw projects etc. While running on the average 3-4hrs of sleep if I’m lucky and i make nothing annually. Yes I’m actively looking for employment on a daily but 12 yrs no experience in the field of work i have a degree in and nothing other than retail under my belt. You tell me how fair it is and how easy it is to get out and on your feet while not taking a chance to risky where it jepordizes me losing my kids. Since your so quick to judge tell me I’m being a whiny ass or give me some direction since you’re so smart and got all the answers. Women should never break down other women yoy don’t know the situation and as mother’s we sacrifice it all for the ppl we love including all dreams goals and even our own happiness and well being. I know in my circumstances i have and still doing it. Fyi I’m not some soft weak woman either but i love hard and would go 2 the ends of the world for my family even if the feelings are not mutual. I love and respect my husband and he’s not a bad man but ppl don’t always get divorced bc 1 person is bad. Ppl grow and not always in the same direction. You seem like a bitter woman maybe you should take a yoga class or something and stop knocking ppl that are in different situations than yours!!!!!!
Perfect response Tiny. I love it absolutely. If I could hug or high five you I would 😅. Much thanks for keeping it real n speaking on behalf of many of us mums n dad’s in your exact same position. Thanks again for putting that Tanya person in her place. She sure is a strangely bitter person. What the nerve!😡. She had no right being Soo judgemental towards someone without knowing what their real circumstances are or having ever walked in their shoes…
I am a stay at home mom am i entitled to some of his retirement
Iam a stay at home mom. Husband is emotionally and fiscally abusive even financially. I’ve signed a prenup a day before my marriage 1 hour before they closed on a Friday. I didn’t even hv a lawyer present it happened so fast. His lawyer didn’t even ask me do I hv assets nor anything. I hv one child with him one on the way. Is my prenup invalid. His been the only one working. He works in Congo comes home after every 3 months for 3 weeks. I do everything he just comes for holiday. Can’t talk nor go to my mother nor siblings iam been watch 24/7 he even put camera’s all over the house even in my bedroom. Dont hv friends. Can’t talk to my daughter from my first marriage because of her standing up to him. Iam his property. Can you pls give me advice pls.
I’ve been a stay at home mom for 6 years with two kid, have no siblings, both my parents are dead, any family I have live out of state, and any friends I have were his first. I feel scared alone and I’ve been scared to leave because I will have absolutely nothing and no one to help me. I feel so alone and have wanted to leave for a long time. He knows this and also knows if I leave I’ll have nothing.
My heart breaks for you Sunday 😰. I hope things got / get better for you soon. I wish you joy and happiness in whatever decision you make and wherever life takes you
I’m in this situation, long story short, I have zero money or ability to get any UNTILL I go back to work.. I have a 14, 7, 5 and 2 yr old and can NOT pay daycare. Soon to be ex can barely pay bills as it is but we have been in the same apartment for almost 4 yrs… he wants me to move out and leave the kids with him( oh btw he cheated twice on me) I am not lazy or nor do I want to be stuck home all the time! I had no choice but to quit work ( was a certified Phlebotomist) this article is NOT practice, realistic or even truthful!!
Good blog.