Rebecca Fein, a certified relationship and bereavement coach, co-author of a book called Contagious Optimism, and a regular blogger for DivorceMag.com, explains the challenges of divorcing a narcissist, and the gas-lighting technique.
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Can you recommend a therapist in north Texas that is experienced in helping gaslighting victims. I just ended a 15 year long marriage with a gas lighter after I found out that I have been manipulated, lied to, cheated on, and gaslighted the entire marriage: my husband was diagnosed with full blown AIDS last year and nearly died. He has since admitted to adultery involving sex with both men and women. I just got out of six months of post traumatic stress caused by the big reveal and am now just trying to recover from the 15 years of gaslighting. I am struggling to make ends meet, cannot focus well and will loose my job this summer, and have been in a joyless melancholic state for a long time. I am taking care of our four kids by myself and am just overworked and broke and my kids need their mommy back in the emotional sense. Thank you! Marieke
Unfortunately, I don’t have any connections in North Texas, but I do hope you are able to find someone that can help you. It’s very frustrating when you’re trying to make sense of it all. Best wishes.
Unfortunately I don’t have any connections in North Texas, but best wishes to you on your journey, it’s always a challenge.
I don’t have any connections in North Texas, but I wish you luck.
Thanks for this video! I’m shocked to hear this is so common, as it took me quite a while to figure out that my ex had been gaslighting me. Fortunately we were only married a year, but even so, he is making the whole divorce a mess when it should be fairly straight forward as we don’t have any kids (accusing me of having money is secret accounts, etc.). What I’d like to know is how to out smart a narcissist or gaslighter (not sure if they are always one and the same). I am so tired of the stupid games they are playing that I was considering giving up and letting him have everything until basically everyone convinced me to do otherwise. I am now determined to spend whatever exorbitant amount of money he wants to, in order to drag this out as long as he’d like, and basically continue to play games. I want to make sure I can outsmart him at his own ridiculous game as I can now see he’s done this with not just me, but possibly his 1st ex wife, and his kids as well and would just like to see him suffer a little. Any advice would be helpful!
Yes!!!!! I have the same story!!!! We were married 3 years and then I found out about his affair. That wasn’t enough. He has undiagnosed BPD. All of our settlements have been about debt he accrued I was unaware of on credit cards I didn’t know he had. We don’t have kids or property. I offered 3 settlements, he agreed to one and my lawyer drafted the judgement now he’s gone MIA, saying “nope” when I ask him to send back the settlement signed – THAT HE AGREED TO! My lawyer says he’s gas lighting. What do I do?! What can be done!?!?!? What should have been an easy clean divorce has turned into hell on earth.
I’m so sorry you’re going through all this.
So, that’s an interesting question. I think that they are not always the same and the way to out smart them is often a complicated road, but it is possible.
My ex-husband gaslighted me to the point of torment, emotional withdrawal and making me think I was crazy. He was extremely good at it and I was too naive at that time to realize he was gaslighting me. He threw away my boots and enjoyed watching me wonder what happened to them, he got pleasure in my searching for them only to calmly one day tell me he “threw them away” and he “ would be honored to buy me another pair”, he would hide pictures that were on display in our home and pretend he had no idea what happened to them and then tell me I was looking in the wrong room as he had found them in another room . I realized I was married to a very sick man and when he almost succeeded in making me think I was crazy I divorced him. Women need to not only be aware of not getting involved with an abuser they must also understand that an abuser can be hiding beneath a very charming and successful man. This is a very dangerous form of abuse as it happens slowly and can leave you with extreme emotional pain and hanging on a shred of your former self. More should be written on “ gaslighting” to create an awareness of this cruel and emotionally debilitating abuse that is hiding quietly inside the abuser. Beware of always feeling the need to say I am sorry when you have no idea what you did wrong. That is one of the first signs you are being Gaslighted.
After the divorce, I discovered he was having affairs and also going to escorts. I could have gotten very sick because I had no idea he was also leading a double life… as he was enjoying “Gaslighting” me. A cruel man hiding inside a “charming successful man.” Women, beware of what lies beneath.
Can you recommend a divorce lawyer in CT that deals with narcissists?
If the narcissism or gaslighting person cross the limit and makes the life hell so it will be good to take decision to separate with him/her. This article has described overall about the instruction to what to do next with them.