Divorce is like experiencing a death of sorts. There is a sense of loss, betrayal, confusion, and a plethora of emotions. Because of this, the five stages of divorce recovery are like other grief processes.
Here are the 5 stages of divorce recovery:
1. Denial
The first stage of any grieving process is denial. It’s much like physical shock after an accident: the body shuts down until it can better deal with the pain of what has happened. In divorce, our body, mind, and spirit sometimes shut down until we can better deal with the reality of what is happening.
2. Releasing Negative Emotions
Experiencing negative emotions about your situation or towards others is normal. That doesn’t mean, however, that it’s any less destructive. Acknowledging the anger, fear, worry, guilt, depression, and grief is the first step towards the healing process. This is when it’s important to have someone you completely trust to share your feelings with, whether it’s a friend, pastor, rabbi, counselor, or coach. Remember Henry Ford’s famous quote: “The unexamined life is not worth living.”
3. Acceptance
Acceptance recognizes that the past is past and helps to bring about a desire to live in the present. Perhaps, even get ready to step forward into the future. You know you are starting to experience acceptance when you start asking yourself forward-thinking questions like, “what do I do next?” or “how can I overcome this challenge?”
4. Forgiveness
Forgiveness is about releasing animosity towards yourself and others. It frees you to pave the way for establishing new relationships with healthy patterns and boundaries. Nelson Mandela said “Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies.
5. Self-Worth
Nothing damages self-worth like having the person you loved to withdraw that love. The end of your relationship may have damaged your sense of worth and value. But, it’s important to remember that your ex-spouse did not take the love with them – the love still resides in you.
One of the best ways of discovering your level of self-worth is to monitor your thought-life. Be brutally honest with yourself and audit how much negative self-talk is occurring.
An excellent article, Shan.
Hmmm well the self worth part may be true for some but I think it may be the opposite for others – they have self-worth and that is why they leave a situation where they are under attack. I don’t know that there is ever denial? If it is done, there is no denying it and as far as acceptance – well again there is no denying it and therefore it is accepted although coming to terms with what may be a mystery and inconceivable when dealing with most “normal” people is a better description – I don’t think it is o.k. to accept the unacceptable, you can live with it because “it is” but accept it? No.
Thank you for this. Especially number 5.