Finding yourself after a divorce can be difficult. Even in the most amicable of splits, divorce can significantly shake up your world. Marriages require a great deal of time and energy to support, and when that partnership dissolves, it isn’t easy to know where to begin in reassembling your life from the ground up. Fortunately, even when your world seems to have been turned upside down, there are many things you can do to start to rebuild yourself and your life after a separation. Read on for helpful tips to guide yourself through the post-divorce period to heal, settle into a new normal, and reconnect with yourself.
Tips on Finding Yourself After a Divorce
Prioritize Self-Care
Divorce can leave you feeling wounded and down, and in times of distress, it’s easy to let your emotional, physical, and mental health slide downward. However, when you stay on top of caring for yourself, you give yourself the best chance of coping with the complicated feelings and new beginnings you’ll inevitably face in your newly single life. Make it a point to nourish your body with good, healthy foods and to get enough sleep every night. You can even consider diving into Thrive reviews online for an extra push when it’s a little harder to make it to the gym to get some exercise.
Make Space for Grief
Several studies have shown that the brain and body’s response to the loss of divorce is not unlike that of those who have experienced the death of a loved one. Divorce is a considerable loss, and the feelings that follow can be overwhelming. Take time to yourself to process this big life event, and allow yourself to mourn, grieve, and feel deeply the things that come up as you ponder your past, present, and future.
Lean on Your Support System
When times get hard, it may seem as though you need to go through it completely alone. While nobody can go through it for you, you can lean on those who matter most to you. Your friends and family are there to stand by your side with a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on. Regular communication with loved ones can help you to feel less alone, and provide a safe sounding board to turn to when you really need it most.
Take It Slow
You may be anxious to get the rest of your life without your former spouse underway, or you may feel daunted by the unknown of a future without them. No matter what, take things slowly. There is no set timeline for healing when it comes to divorce, but the more time you’re able to spend developing a firm foundation for you to stand upon, the stronger you’ll be when it’s time to move on. Allow yourself enough time to work through your emotions, steady your financial situation, reassess your living arrangements, and make goals for the future. A more stable, whole version of you will attract what you really want and deserve in life, so take steps to become the best version of yourself at your own pace, taking care not to rush any decisions during this tender time.
Invest in Your Interests
Recently divorced individuals are often surprised at how much extra time they have on their hands. It’s okay to lament about feelings of loneliness, but it’s a good idea to reframe the experience with optimism as well. Take this extra time to really invest in some of the things you love the most. It’s a great time to go all in on a treasured hobby, pick up a book you’ve always wanted to read, or start up a new creative endeavor.
Date Responsibly
Divorce can feel like a huge rejection, and many divorcees want to jump right back into the dating pool for various reasons. However, it’s important to do some soul-searching to discover your motives for dating again. Make sure you’ve taken the time to assess what went wrong in your relationship and the unhealthy patterns that you co-created with your former spouse. Additionally, dating for validation or to avoid loneliness is not necessarily a bad thing, but if you’re looking to use the dating experience to heal, you may only be pushing your pain to the side rather than dealing with your heartbreak. Enter the singles scene only when you’re certain you’re ready for love again, even if that takes a little time.
Give Yourself Grace
The road to recovery after divorce can seem long and difficult. When times get tough, remind yourself that you will get through it, even if it takes longer than you’d hoped. Doubts will flood your mind, but it’s important to listen to your kind inner voice. Healing will seem easier at times, while at other times you may feel as though you may never be the same. Finding yourself after a divorce isn’t easy. There is, however, always a light at the end of the tunnel. With time and effort, you’ll come out stronger and more acquainted with a version of yourself that you can be proud of.
I “discovered” that only I can make me happy. It is a SUPREMELY UNFAIR approach to depend on or expect ANYone else…a Spouse, your Kids, your Mom, your Dad, your Friends…to “make you happy” – unfair both to them and to you. For me…I LOVE to laugh…so, after a spiral or three downwards, I woke up VERY hungover one morning…decided I would not survive the direction I was taking…and…well…just DECIDED that I would seek the humor in whatever circumstance I found myself in until I found it and recognized it enough to actually laugh. If nothing else, I could ALWAYS depend on my view of the mirror to provide a laugh. At first, it was VERY tough – almost like learning to breathe again – but, over time, it actually became as automatic as breathing. There have been downturns since (22 years), but going back to basics…understanding and EXERCISING the fact that only I can “make me happy”…has worked every single time since then. I’m a man, and an individual, so perhaps humor isn’t everyone’s cup of tea…but I think the real point is you…Y-O-U…have to come to the understanding that only you can make you happy…and then go about the business – and DO THE WORK – of pursuing your happiness.